Back to School

For several years I have been dreaming of going back to school.  I have been mostly home raising children for the past six years and although I am grateful for the challenge and the privilege of being a stay at home mama, I have been desperate for the kind of stimulation that ensues from learning and exchanging ideas.  I have been on a trajectory of self-discovery for most of my adult life, so I knew that I would need something that would support that kind of inquiry and discussion.  I love the study and practice of yoga and spirituality and am passionate about the mind/body/heart interplay.  The work in the world that I am most interested in is that which helps people transform into their greatest selves.  For me, going back to school to study Transpersonal Psychology is the perfect next step in my evolution.  And better yet, I can study and learn in an on-line forum that provides the flexibility of still being on the home front with my kids.  I enrolled in the Global Masters Program at Sofia University (formerly The Institute of Transpersonal Psychology).  www.sofia.edu

So what exactly is transpersonal psychology?  It is an integrative/holistic perspective that includes behavioral, cognitive and humanistic paradigms in addition to a spiritual perspective that has heretofore been absent in many therapeutic models of psychotherapy.  Psychology as understood from its Greek root psyche (soul) is, essentially, the study of the soul.  When we view our lives (including our dysfunction) from this perspective the possibility to heal becomes a matter of not just how we behave or what we think, but also (vitally) our state and level of consciousness.  And we know from the ancient wisdom traditions that our connection to consciousness is the path to health and well being in the greatest sense.  Ultimately "transpersonal" is an experience of ourselves and our lives as multi-dimensional beings created with a purpose. The path is the discovery of our true Self.

I recently returned from the opening seminar of the program in California. The theme of the week was "The Call To Adventure In A Time Of Change And Possibility." Inherent in the transpersonal approach is an emphasis not only on study but also personal practice and application to our everyday life experiences. Over sixty of us gathered from all over the world in response to a deeper call to live in congruence with our soul longing. It was a powerfully transformative experience that has already begun to alter my life in ways I can not yet completely understand. During the week I came to terms with the fact that I need to dedicate this next year of my life to this process of change and creating the space necessary for the emergence of what is longing to be expressed in my life. It is time again for me to really work on myself so that when the time comes, I might be given the honor to help others in the same way. Nothing excites me more than exploring what is possible when we are willing to let go of our limitations and live the adventure that is our authentic calling. 

So this is what I'll be up to for the next two years!  Pictured above are just a few of the books I will be reading in this first semester--truly it is like Christmas each day I open the mailbox and find another book I can't wait to read waiting for me.  I look forward to sharing my insights, inspirations and challenges here and welcome your questions and comments.   

Yours with sharpened pencils,
Jenny

Got Sensitivity?

   

      Do you consider yourself a sensitive person?  Or has anyone ever told you that you are "too sensitive?"  If not, I am sure that someone in your sphere of existence is.  Sensitivity can be far more than just an increased emotional experience of life, but rather a physiological predisposition in which one's nervous system is actually quite acute and processes the information or stimulation of life at a more rapid rate than some other people.  Perhaps loud noises create extreme discomfort or bright flashing lights and large crowds of people.  Individuals that are highly sensitive may also be empathic, that is, they tend to "feel" others deeply and are very responsive to others' emotions whether exposed or hidden.  Througout history, people in all walks of life, but especially poets and artists have often been sensitive in some of these ways which has fostered thier creativity, but they are also subject to the shadow side of sensitivity which can easily lead to depression, addiction and isolation.

     In addition to heightened sensory experience, creativity and empathy I have recognized deep sensitivity among both depressed and anxious people, those suffering food allergies and environmental disorders, "mystery" diseases such as chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia, and addicts that are naturally very empathic.  When not managed properly, our sensitivity can push us toward isolation, a constant state of feeling overwhelmed, fearful and sad without being able to identify why, constant issues of unworthiness, stuck or blocked creativity, and inhabiting the body only partially.  Like all challenges, being highly sensitive has both its dark and light sides.  Many are drawn to spirituality and mysticism, the healing professions or teaching in some capacity and tend to be very intuitive.  Highly sensitive people have much to offer their families or communities and world at large but prefer finding their own way of expressing themselves.  Most, but not all, sensitives are introverts and prefer a more quiet approach to life and work.  Unfortunately our culture places a significant value on the personality that is "out there" and often like the loudest child in the family, gets the most attention.  This sends a message to those who operate under different conditions that they we are not good enough and should be more like them in order to be successful. 

     It comes as no surprise that much of my own depression came from great sensitivity.  I believe that as I have learned to hold both the gifts and limitations of sensitivity with equality and become involved in work that allows me to use my intuition and knowledge together, I have been able to heal.  Now as a parent, I recognize a similar sensitivity in one of my children and am learning how to parent in a way that will hopefully encourage the gift as well as support the passage through the difficulties.  As valuable and empowering as it can be to recognize yourself as highly sensitive and understand that there really is nothing inherently "wrong" with you, it can also become an identity trap that will only limit your full range of being.  So use it wisely to help you learn about yourself but be careful not to attach too concretely to any "type." 

     I hope to work with HSP's* more in the future but for now here are the five main keys I would offer to anyone who is highly sensitive and looking for help:

• Support--know that you are not alone and that it is important to find someone or a group of people that sees, hears and understands you.
• Accept--use your sensitivity to recognize that you have a gift rather than hide behind it (which is what most sensitives would rather do)!
• Empower/Embody--get into your body--commit to a physical practice like yoga that will help you ground and open safely.
• Align with the Highest--nurture your spirituality by connecting deeply with your heart and studying a sacred tradition that resonates with you.  Focus on developing the qualities of the heart: forgiveness, love, compassion, gratitude, etc.
• Give--share your gifts with someone in need.  Perhaps a healing touch or simple smile or any way that feels most natural for you to offer your sensitivity to another.

     Sensitivity is synonymous with being concious, keen, knowing, perceptive and responsive when expressed positively.  These qualities are imperative for us to live whole and sustainable lives.

     Below are a couple of resources that I have found helpful in understanding sensitivity:

*"Highly Sensitive Person" from the work of Elaine Aron on the subject.  She wrote both The Highly Sensitive Person and The Highly Sensitive Child ( http://www.hsperson.com/)

Susan Cain wrote a wonderful book on introverts--check it out here: http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/

Picture Perfect

Recently in a yoga class I asked the group if anyone thought of themselves as a perfectionist.  At first I saw one or two low hanging hands and upon further prompting at least half of the class sheepishly admitted to the title.  I was in good company because it is something I have wrestled with as well.  As I looked at those around me that admitted their tendency to perfectionism I saw such strength, creativity, discipline and sensitivity.  Perhaps perfectionism isn't all bad.  But it can, however, also be quite debilitating if we aren't fully aware of just why and how our quest for perfection can paralyze us and create a deep rift between who we think we should be and who we are at any moment.  We create pictures of what it means to be a perfect mother, wife, son, employee, American, Christian (Muslim, Buddhist), etc. and then hold ourselves prisoner within the confines of that exact picture.  We create a separation between ourselves as we really are as well as anyone who doesn't live up to our expectations (we like to call them "high standards-" it sounds more appropriate). 

Research psychologist Brene Brown (http://www.brenebrown.com/) wrote an incredible book that I highly recommend to all recovering perfectionists called The Gifts of Imperfection.  It is one of those books that calls forth lots of light bulb moments but one that really got me is when she writes:

"Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking.  In fact, shame is the birthplace of perfectionism." (italics mine)

Shame! It is the last thing we want to talk about.  We use perfectionism to protect ourselves from seeking out the places within ourselves where we feel shame.  Those are the voices that tell us we will never be good enough.  Always wounded; never satisfactory.  We can all identify such areas in our lives: body image, career, parenting, relationships, money, etc.  And Brown advocates the cultivation of shame "resiliency" by consciously choosing to be vulnerable. That means we have to talk about it--with someone we trust--as a way of bringing to light what thrives in darkness and secrecy.  Own your story and you won't be controlled by it. 


For me, personally, I encountered shame around the fact that for years I struggled with depression and had to take medication to feel like I could be in the world with some semblance of peace.  At the same time I was starting a path in the healing arts and yoga and the voice of shame that stalked me was: "how can you possibly be teaching healing and wellness when you are being treated for clinical depression?" And I began to create a separation between myself as a healer/teacher and myself as depressed and seemingly "broken."  This only seems to magnify the shame and it wasn't until I really worked to integrate these two aspects of myself that deeper healing was able to take place. 


As practitioners of yoga, we can use our practice to heal our bodies and minds from this shame and blame that keeps us stuck in a deep groove of unworthiness and thwarts us from living fully.  In many of the wisdom traditions, stories are told of the "village idiot" or the "fool" that everyone believes knows nothing and is worthless.  But they always turn out to be the wise ones that carry an important message for the community at large.  I like to think that we all carry this quality within us and especially those of us that believe we have to "have it all together" (perfectly) can benefit from allowing ourselves to learn from this part that isn't afraid to look ridiculous or make plenty of mistakes on our way to wholeness.  These very same traditions also purport that the deepest essence of who we are is perfect and when we experience ourselves from this perspective there is nothing we have to "do" to prove that.

This week take some time to write in a journal your own story regarding shame and then choose a way that you can allow yourself to be safely vulnerable in sharing your story with a partner or friend.  And take it to the mat--shame often lives in the belly or solar plexus--breathe into those areas and offer yourself the qualities of courage and compassion.  See yourself as perfectly imperfect! And know you are not alone.

And here is Brene Brown in a funny and inspiring Ted talk on vulnerability: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

For the past six weeks my family and I have watched a bird create a nest home in one of the tall bushes just outside of our front windows.  The kids and I were amazed at how fast this mama bird gathered sticks and wove them together to create a sweet little abode.  Within a week or so, four small blue and black spotted eggs showed up and we were so thrilled that things were progressing so quickly.  Each day we would go out and check the nest to note any changes.  By the third week there were only three eggs; the forth we found lying on the ground broken under the bush.  My three year old was quite concerned and repeated all day to anyone who we met--"we had four eggs, but now we only have three."  She focused on what had changed with some remorse, while my five year old son remained positive and replied each time with: "well at least we still have three!"  A perfect first lesson in the proverbial glass half full or empty.

 I admit that I have gotten quite invested in the whole experience myself, often being the first to check the nest situation out in the morning in case any big changes arose that I would have to navigate through later.  And in a way this little bird has been a great reminder for me of some important lessons I was in need of as well.  For example, I have been in a bit of an introspective space lately, really enjoying more time to be quiet and practice slowing down.  I have felt the need to pull back from some of my work outside the home and have felt the urge to "nest" with my family.  Typically this is what women experience close to birthing a baby; and although I am not physically pregnant, I definitely have been in the midst of a reordering/restructuring of my life in preparation for a new beginning.  I have been nurturing creation by being more present with my family and focusing on enjoying the simple moments of each day.  My challenge comes with being at peace with my choice to be less in the world at this time and working toward some career goals.  Every time I walk by the window and see mama bird sitting in that nest, I see myself almost in mirror image protecting, warming, and nurturing my own family with a sense of renewed purpose.  I am reminded again by a simple piece of guidance that one of my spiritual guides often gives: Don't make a separation between anything you see or do.  In other words, relate to all aspects of yourself and your life with love and care and be careful of making anything more or less important.  Whatever I am doing now can be considered holy and precious work.  Everything is from the One and returns back to that One.   

Yesterday's nest report was still three eggs and holding.  This morning's nest check revealed our first baby!  (S)he is so tiny and is lying partly on top of the only egg left-I am not sure where the third egg went?  Mama bird has been back and forth quite a bit and I can't stop checking on her baby whenever she leaves.  Truly I feel like that little one could be my own!  I have been acutely aware during this journey with the birds, that the process of coming to this earth may appear simple to some, but I am beginning to think it might actually be quite an amazing feat.  As the great Jungian analyst, Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, perhaps the act of incarnation itself takes eons as our souls wait for suitable parents, location in the world, and the exact conditions required for the fulfillment of our purpose.  And even at that, not every one makes it.  My children are learning about the fragility of life through this nature show right outside our window.  And today from my little stucco nest I appreciate my own life and my two babies that still really need this mama bird close!

The Survival Trap

There are far too many survivors in this world.  By that, I don't mean to undermine those who are battling some disease and fighting for their life, but rather to highlight the truth that many of us have become content with survival and have lost sight of what it is to THRIVE.  Thriving is being open to experiencing yourself more fully and to live in wonder at what is possible for you now.  But first, tell the truth about why you have chosen apathy over living your deepest desires.  Usually some fear will be uncovered and that fear is a doorway to freedom.  Go through it in any way and with any means available.  Just do it.

Once on the other side ask: What brings me alive?  In what circumstances do I feel most free and at peace?  I have come to see that everything in our lives, even the pain and difficulty, is a call for us to awaken to our soul--to the call of our spirit to live more fully within what is possible for us in any given moment.  Be gentle as you awaken to your essential nature, it can be tiring for the body and mind to be so luminous.  Be generous with those around you who are awakening in their way and in their time, it is easy to slip into judgement when you feel "more enlightened."  Most of all, try to be grateful for where you are and what you have now and be present to the truth that you are free and you are alive and all is well.

"Don't ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."  Howard Thurman

Healing the Heart--Part II

In the former post on healing I introduced the concept of using body awareness and breath to begin to cultivate a deeper relationship with our bodies and minds.  Of course this is a very rich subject and I am certain that future posts will offer more in the way of insight and information in that arena. But for purposes of getting a broader view, I'd like to move on to the next level in personal healing.  It is fitting that I am writing this on the first day of February--a month dedicated to love!  That is precisely the quality that we are seeking when we are involved in this work of making ourselves whole.  In fact, I shared with my yoga classes today the Latin root of the word "courage" comes from cor which means heart.  One original definition of the word courage was "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart."  This suggests that a willingness to be wholehearted in our lives is key to living authentically.  Brene Brown wrote a wonderful book called "The Gifts of Imperfection" on this subject.  (Note to self--a future post on healing perfectionism, specifically, is on the horizon)! 

So once we begin to gain access to ourselves by sensitising to our feelings in connection to our bodies, the heart begins to open automatically and we may even find ourselves feeling things that we haven't actually felt in a long time.  This can make way for memories to surface, dreams may become more lucid, etc.  And for most of us there is an overwhelming sense that there just "has to be more" to our experience than what our sensory experience makes clear.  This is such an important feeling to listen to and move toward.  However, this requires quite a bit of courage because for most of us to open beyond what is familiar or comfortable can be unsettling.  Again, this is where a practice (like yoga) can aid us in opening (stretching!) beyond our limits with wisdom and intelligence in order to grow and ultimately find greater freedom. 

I don't know many grown people who haven't endured a fair amount of heartbreak in their lives.  It can begin in childhood with parenting (or lack of) issues, and later with unrequited love, divorce, loss of loved ones, and any type of pain caused by relationships gone bad. . . . Who hasn't had to deal with such things?  The good news is that this is all fodder for healing on a deeper level.  Healing the heart is about invoking the qualities of forgiveness, compassion, love, acceptance, gratitude and so on.  This is usually the point in one's life path that she begins to seek out different spiritual paths that can offer a context for all that is surfacing.  Again, follow this prompting of your heart.  I recognize that this is a touchy subject for a lot of people (pun!) and to be clear, I am not pushing any one path.  I can only share my experience and I offer it in a spirit of respect.  I spent many years seeking and studied several different religions/spiritual paths.  In fact one of my B.A. degrees is in Comparative Religion because it is a subject of immense personal interest.  To make a long story abbreviated, I settled on the Sufi Spiritual path after meeting my guide in 2002.  The Sufis have been referred to as the "mad lovers of God" and Sufism is a path of Love.  Rumi and Hafiz, the widely regarded poets, were Sufis.  I found that if I was really serious about going deeper into my heart/consciousness that I needed a teacher or guide.  A simple analogy: if you are travelling to a foreign country and know nothing about where to go or how to get around, you would like to have a map--and perhaps better yet, a guide or someone that knows the landscape well in order to show you around, right?  Well this is what an established path and teacher, guide, guru, saint, or holy person can do for our walking.  Perhaps, for many, seeking a new path isn't necessary, but going deeper into your own is what is required.  Ironically, the Sufi path has brought me closer to my own Christian roots and the teachings of Jesus, and my family and I go to church weekly.  When we get caught in making pictures about what we think is right, based on our limited understanding (or wounds) then we stop ourselves from the purpose for which we were created: to know Love (or God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha).  And this Love (Divinely inspired) is what heals.  Often it arrives unlike what we'd expect.  But if you are sincere and wholehearted in what you desire and work to align your heart with this love by healing all that keeps you from it, then you are on your way to significant transformation.  My guide, Sidi Al-Jamal says:

 "When you find the love, you find yourself.  The secret is in the love.  You are the love, not another.  Everything is in the love, and everything needs the love.  If you find this, what more could you want?  When you have the knowledge of the love, you feel peace in your heart.  The jewels are inside you."

Contemplate this quote and decide for yourself what it means.  It is the heart of my own daily practice and what calls me back again and again when I go astray.  The greatest healing occurs when we can apply this kind of remembrance to our pain and suffering.  It is the essence of Sufi healing and something I look forward to sharing much more of, perhaps, in a workshop setting this Spring! 

Here is a simple exercise to get you started on your own healing:  set aside some quiet time with your journal and a pen.  Sit comfortably and close your eyes.  Let your awareness settle in your heart and breathe there gently.  Notice how your heart feels (expanded, constricted, shaky, still, hot, cold, colors, images, voices?)  and write down what you experience.  Go back inside and use your awareness to "go behind" that first experience and move a little deeper.  Use your breath to open your heart and move inside a bit deeper.  From that place ask your heart for a word or image to connect you to the Divine.  Pause and allow as much time as necessary.  I find that for many people this comes very quickly but the mind enters with doubt and uncertainty.  Trust what comes!  And spend 3-5 minutes with the word or image and pay attention to what (if anything) arises.  Be sure to make notes, or draw in your journal.  If possible practice this simple meditation each day in conjunction with any other practices you may already have in place.  It will begin to strengthen the qualities that you may need for your own healing on any given day.  Stay open and have the courage to move into your heart.  Your own healing in this capacity, is precisely the medicine our world is in dire need of now! 

With Love,

Jenny

On Healing--Part One

This past weekend I was granted the rare treat of being alone for several uninterrupted hours in my own home.  The kids were with the grandparents and my hubby took his chance to ride his motorcycle (his way of treating himself to some precious quiet time).  After some prayer and meditation time and the bliss of savoring a hot cup of coffee, I rolled out my yoga mat and lavished in a two hour practice that left me feeling amazingly expansive and bright. (Above photo was the view from my mat).  At a certain point during the practice I could feel, almost palpably, a sense of healing taking place.  I just knew that was what was at work.  At that particular time it came with a vast sweetness that was soft, encompassing, and spacious.  And I knew that was the medicine I needed specifically to generate my current healing.  One of the things I have come to accept is that healing can happen in an infinite number of ways and that really what matters most is our level of readiness and receptivity to what comes.  Fundamentally, are you really ready to heal? 

For just a moment, pause and think about what images, places, people, or things comes to you when you say the word "healing."  Perhaps something in nature arises, or a certain person, or location you have visited, or experience you have had, or maybe music, art, food. . . .  Notice what you are drawn to.  Chances are there is an important clue there for your own healing.  In fact, I would suggest placing yourself there more often to begin the conversation.  Yoga practice continues to offer up a rich landscape for my own healing and for those I see in my classes weekly.  In fact, if I had to sum up in a single word what yoga means for me I'd say "healing." 

When I began yoga in 1995 as a college student, I had already been battling depression for several years and was seeking relief from what felt impossible to overcome.  If you have ever experienced the depths of depression you know how difficult it becomes to function on a purely physical level.  In fact, most of the time I only felt partially in my body, and it certainly was not comfortable when I was there.  The physical practice called me back again and again to this home that I was continually seeking to abandon.  It provided a way back into my body that felt safe and gave me the tools to learn how to ground myself so as to begin to build a new foundation upon which to stand.  Simply by learning to feel my feet and legs, breathe into my belly and stand tall, something very deep was being templated into my consciousness that offered a new way of living. According to Somatic Therapy, all of our experiences are stored in the tissues of the body and particularly traumatic events can cause deep tension, contraction or even illness that can eventually develop in the body.   Despite individual circumstances, I'd say this is where the healing journey begins: in the development of body awareness.  And of course there are many practices that can help with this, but yoga continues to be the modality that I return to.  Through the practice of postures (asanas) with particular focus on the breath, we can begin to develop a new relationship with ourselves by tuning in and listening to the voice of the body via sensation and feeling.  "Feeling" in this context surpasses "emotion" in its range and diversity of experience.  Feelings can contain and take on a multitude of forms including sensation, shape, color, texture, temperature, etc.  At a base level, the yoga practice is a way of cultivating a deeper and more intimate relationship with ourselves that is based on love, acceptance, gratitude, etc.  That, in itself, is very healing for those of us who are in continuous conflict with the way we treat the body; not to mention being a captive to the inner dialog that can be incessantly negative.  In working specifically with the alignment of the body--stacking bones, lengthening muscle, placing ourselves in space in a particular way; with a specific intention to open and create space for ourselves, a greater coherence begins to develop between the body and mind.  It becomes clear, many times in just one or two sessions, how focus on the physical body in this way facilitates a clearer connection to our minds and hearts.  In time the membrane between body/mind/heart becomes more permeable and we gain deeper access into our essential nature.  I am fascinated with learning more about the body and its various systems as it pertains to fostering a deeper knowledge of myself even beyond the limits of the structure itself.  The body is truly a gateway. It is not to be denied, beat into submission or even transcended.    Many spiritual traditions refer to the body as a temple or sacred place.  I have come to share that belief.  And when we approach ourselves in this way, we begin to reconsider our choices with regard to lifestyle, relationships, and so on. . . .

Coming home to my own body in this way was the first step in my own healing journey.  Sometimes this "step" can span the length of years in terms of healing.  But by doing so, we take responsibility for ourselves in a way that no one else can!  It becomes quite a wonderful adventure to really be present and feel our aliveness and connection to others in a brand new way.  Desikachar, one of the teachers to bring Yoga to the West says, "Yoga is about making the impossible, posssible; and the possible, easy."  This has certainly been the case for me in terms of depression.  Possibility fills me (most days) and I no longer feel that deep fragmentation of living only half-alive.  Yoga is a bridge that connects spiritual and physical in me.  This practice continues to uplift, inspire and empower my life.  And once we make this connection to ourselves through the physical practice, our heart begins to open naturally.  And this is the next step into deeper healing and greater joy!  Stay tuned for more to come; in the meantime involve yourself in those things that heal you:) xoxo