The Power of Perspective

(View of Earth from Mars)

The greatest risk to man is not that he aims too high and misses, but that he aims too low and hits. ~Michaelangelo 

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. ~Bertrand Russell

Do you ever just stop and take a few moments to step back and pay attention to your current place in the scheme of things? I love the times when I am spontaneously taken with the smallness of my life in relation to the magnitude of the galaxy within which I move and experience the miraculousness of this existence. I have been having those expansive tinges quite often lately. I'll be going along, lost in the priority of the moment, and then I'll remember the stars, the other planets, the lives that have passed and those yet to come and shudder at the immensity of how much I don't know. It's like a compassionate wake up call that puts the context of my life inside of a much wider playground. I can't help but be left feeling that whatever I am planning or pondering is really too small! Currently this way of perceiving is helping me to think, not just in terms of depth, but also with greater breadth. The question that is living close to my heart now is: How can I live with a bigger vision? 

We are all familiar with the feeling of being stuck and unable to see our way beyond certain challenges and life circumstances. I have begun to see this phenomenon regularly in my coaching practice as I talk with people who are seeking to grow into a more authentic way of living but the patterns of thought and habit are so engrained that it feels impossible to see a way forward. Whether discussing a relationship, career, or health related challenges, every conversation reaches a point where the person expresses frustration around feeling stuck and unable to see beyond their current reality. Very often it sounds more like a "black & white" or "right & wrong" dilemma. All or nothing. Always or never. I am beginning to recognize this polarized way of thinking as a favorite mechanism of the inner critic to keep us from moving forward. You can be sure that when you are receiving messages that sound as if your only choices are "this" or "that," that you are listening to the voice of fear; not the whisper of your soul. So what can we do to begin to open up to greater possibility? Essentially the question becomes: how can we perceive differently so that we can live differently? 

Partly out of my personal frustration to expand my own limitations and because of my desire to help others, I came up with this exercise that I call The Power of Perspective Practice. I recommend this as a journaling process. Here's how it works: 

First, acknowledge the "stuckness" or frustration of your current situation as fully as you can. Begin to cultivate a greater awareness to what is present. What does your current reality really feel like? Describe it in as much detail as possible. Do you feel lost, confused or overwhelmed? Angry or depressed? What is happening in your body? What image or metaphor relates to your circumstance? For instance, do you imagine yourself like Sisyphus, doomed to push a rock uphill for the rest of your life? Or are you at a crossroads with only two paths and fear making the "wrong" choice? Take some time to become familiar with the exact nature of your particular challenge. 

Next, take a moment to consider the possibility of a different point of view. Are you willing to see this situation differently? I know, on the surface, most people instantly say "Yes!" However, I have come to realize that often it requires a more organic shift that evolves over a period of time. Nonetheless, a "yes" (reinstated again and again) is a vital affirmation. I see this particular "in-between" place as the space that exists between impossible and possible. It is very fertile ground that prepares the psyche to embody a new perception. It may take weeks or months in this middle place, incubating possibility, before we are ready to fully accept the perceptual shift. This is because of the way so much of our thinking and behaving is conditioned and reinforced over time. It takes patience and practice to unlearn!

Now, the fun part. Brainstorming on my own, I came up with a list of different points of view. This list is by no means exhaustive but it is a start. Consider looking at your reality from a few of these perspectives:

• Meta-view--hovering over or above and beyond (like my space and stars analogy)
• One year, five years, ten years, etc. from now
• POV from something I love to do (yoga, hiking, writing…)
• Spiritual/deeper meaning (WWJD…or Buddha, Muhammad, Krishna…)
• Educational (what am I supposed to learn from this?)
• Gratitude (what am I most grateful for here?)
• Creative/Artistic/Musical (What is seeking to come to life through me?)
• POV of a child
• Humorous (What can I laugh about?)
• Metaphorical (imagine a different metaphor)
• Nature (elemental--earth, water, fire, air)
• A dream (symbolic significance)
• Singular focus (if you could only do one thing in the next week…)
• Upside down (What is the opposite?)
• If time and money weren't an issue...
• If I couldn't make a mistake or fail…
• Failure (what's the worst…?)
• Success (what's the best possible outcome?)
• Your career self
• Your best friend
• A character from your favorite movie or book
• Relational (what is my relationship to this challenge/what role am I playing?)
• Objective (non-personal--what if it was happening to someone else?)
• Calling (to what am I being called?)
• Wise self (what is the wisdom to be gained?)
• Life Purpose (in terms of meaning/why I'm alive)
• Happening to your best friend
• POV of someone from another race, class, country, or planet
• POV of an animal
• Acceptance (not having to "do" anything)
• Resistance (what am I afraid of?)
• Most loving and compassionate POV
• End of life looking back
• POV of man (if you are a woman) or woman (if you are a man)
• Simplicity (if it wasn't complicated…)
• Surrender (what do I need to release?)
• Balance (what is middle place between all or nothing; this or that?)
• Curiosity (what questions arise when I consider this situation?)
• Marathon (see your life's journey as unfolding over a long stretch of time)
• Seasonal (what season or cycle am I in now?)
• Psychospiritual model (Chakras, Ayurveda, TCM, etc) 
• Present moment awareness (what is the "problem" in this very moment?)
• Ask: who would I be without this story?

I know that some of these sound silly, but it's about getting us to begin to expand the options and try on several points of view to find what best "fits" for our situation. I would love to hear your ideas for alternative perspectives! What other lenses can you come up with? How does your situation look different from some of these angles? Which point of view would you like to adopt? Begin to practice with it daily and see what opportunities begin to open. This practice can, potentially, not only help us with our individual struggles but also gift us with the ability to view the "others" in our world with greater compassion and acceptance. If you are called to live with a bigger vision or you would like help in gaining a new perspective on your life, I would love to support you. You can learn more about individual life coaching sessions on this page. I am in the process of planning a workshop series around the theme of awakening to an authentic vision that that will be offered in the new year, so stay tuned! In the meantime, go stargazing and find a way to celebrate your precious life.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season!

The Missing Ingredient

There is something about circles

The Beloved likes.

Hafiz,

Within the Circle of a Perfect One

There is an Infinite Community

Of Light.

~Hafiz

I am in the wake of the completion of my first workshop dedicated to exploring the creative process for healing and self-discovery. The feedback was so positive and generous. I was deeply honored to have shared such sacred space with fourteen courageous women. I must admit that I was scared. This workshop represented many, many years of working, studying, releasing, healing, envisioning and creating. It was definitely a threshold crossing experience and now that I am on the other side, I am amazed at what is opening. One major confirmation that came from my experience personally and in witnessing the others is that our souls know the way. We just have to be willing to listen and follow. If you weren't able to make it this time, there will be another opportunity in January!

There is something else that I learned. And this, I have come to identify as a "make it or break it" factor for women in the process of stepping into our essential calling and living from that truth more fully. When I talk to women about what they believe is keeping them from stepping forward into their future dreams, many name the two precious resources that always seem to be in scarce supply: time and/or money. I have come to recognize that neither are absolutely required or always realistic. When I reflect on my journey up to this point, I am aware of the vital elements that have helped shape my present reality. There is no doubt that training, education, travel, work experience, family, and spirituality have played a tremendous role in building my foundation for creating a life that is meaningful and aligned with my soul. However, what had been truly lacking was a wider team of feminine support whose conscious presence and steadfast love I could rely upon. The support, specifically, of other women who know me well and sincerely champion my success. I have come to recognize this element as one of the greatest healing gifts that we, as women, can give to ourselves and each other. I believe that the missing ingredient for most women is genuine backing from other women. The support that I received in the weeks up to my workshop from my sister tribe was what kept me inspired and afloat at times. 

I am aware that I have had to do my own healing work around receiving love and support from other women. When I consider betrayal, I think that for women, it is often more painful when it involves another woman. There is something about one of your own kind turning against you. Like many women, I have been involved in friendships with other women that were violating and destructive in their own ways. Everyday I see how comparison, jealously and control often find their way between us and other women, creating a separation that leads to disconnection and isolation. Learning to trust other women and be a trustworthy ally for them--to create a circle of support--is often what will make THE difference in us choosing to step into the unknown with courage or to shrink back in fear. 

One piece of spiritual wisdom that I find very powerful in healing the jealousy and comparison that many women feel in the company of other women comes from the Sufi tradition. I was taught that often when we feel jealousy or envy, the deeper intention of the heart becomes such that we desire what the other person has been blessed with and, in addition, that it gets taken from them. There is an Arabic prayer that can be said at those times: Allahumma Zid Wa Barak. Basically the translation is "Oh God, bless what that person has and give them more of it."  In praying for someone else in this way, you actually release the negativity within you while feeding your own heart and honoring the particular blessing that lives within you. You can make up your own prayer or blessing that has the same effect. 

This month take some time to consider the types of relationships that you have with other women. Who is in your circle? Do you tend toward comparison and jealousy? Do you find it difficult to give and receive support to/from other women? Are your relationships honoring the particular gifts or visions of each or  are they providing more of a shared security blanket keeping you from stepping into a bigger existence? Is this kind of powerful, nurturing, feminine support a missing ingredient in your life? 

How do we begin to receive the backing we need? In yoga practice, the back body represents the unconscious or unseen and unknown. All of the sense organs, through which we receive most of our input from the world, exist on the front of the body and represent the conscious, or what we know and see ahead. Simply taking some time to consciously connect with the back of the body while standing, sitting or walking can be a powerful practice in learning to receive support. Here is a little exercise I created for connecting with the support we desire:

Begin by simply closing your eyes and becoming aware of your breath. Then begin to bring awareness to the back of your body. Get a sense of leaning back into the space behind you a bit more. Think of a woman whose love and support you could use at this time. It can be anyone. Imagine her standing behind you and continue to breathe into the support of her being. What do you notice? Are there any specific feelings, sensations or images that come? Are there any particular qualities that you are being called to embody? Take some time to move, draw or journal what you find. Practice asking for this kind of support from the women you know. Next, ask to know if there is there a woman in your life now that you could provide backing for. Who is she? Would you be willing to offer your support? Start to form or transform your own circle of support. 

If you are up for a fun creative exploration, you can create a mandala that represents any elements, colors, wisdom or images that represent your circle of support. "Mandala" in Sanskrit means circle and relates to the concept of wholeness that is recognized throughout nature and the universe--such as the sun, moon, cycles of the seasons and the organizational structure of life itself. Trace the outline of a medium sized plate on a large piece of paper and cut out. Find any images or quotes that speak to the circle of support that you are seeking to create or transform. Keep it simple and let yourself be guided to the images that speak to you in the moment. Here is an example of a mandala that I created:

In this way, we can begin to heal the divide between ourselves and other women, building collaborative relationships that support the mutual thriving of our greatest potential and the emergence of our unique beauty. Wishing you a wonderful start to the holiday season!

The Mysterious Middle

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. ~Pema Chodron


The word "transition" is a buzzword this time of year as summer is slowly being replaced by inklings of fall. I am being reminded, yet again, of what it is to be in transition. Doesn't it feels as though we are always involved in some type of transition? I am certainly aware of this truth in my life--now three months out of school and well into the wilderness of my next life steps. I am intimate with the excitement, confusion and the vulnerability of being in what Eddy Moratin, a leader in my church, calls "the mysterious middle." 

Mirroring the natural world, our lives, too, are cyclic and non-linear. In his book, Transitions, William Bridges describes three stages in every life transition: an end, a neutral zone, and a new beginning. As we journey through our lives, we find ourselves at these threshold points at different times. Each stage requires some form of letting go so that we are able to move forward. Very often as we stand at the threshold of one ending, a new beginning is not yet visible. In fact, most of the time we can't begin to grasp what will be, simply because we are not there yet. This middle land can feel like a vast desert with no end in sight. Or perhaps like a dense forest with no clear cut path. Maybe even like the routine of waking, showing up in our everyday life and giving our all while nothing seems to be happening. In my experience this middle place can last for weeks, months or even years. It is a crucible chapter in the story of our personal transformation. In this place we are estranged from what we have known and not yet to the threshold of what we are to become. This can be a very difficult period of time to endure but also holds incredible growth potential if we are willing to open ourselves to the lessons. 

"Pain pushes until vision pulls," Reverend Bernard Beckwith says. This push and pull can create the dance of two steps forward; one step back that is common at this juncture. The temptation is to regress completely--to move backward and to return to the life that was familiar. For those in addiction recovery, it is the desire to return to the drugs or alcohol or food to ease the pain of letting go; for others it may involve running back into the arms of a familiar partner or pattern of relationship that we have outgrown because it's better than being alone. For me, these days, it's fantasizing about going back to school where I feel at home with a syllabus and an arsenal of new knowledge.

Having been in this place  enough times now, I have learned a few things that can help reframe the experience. First, if we are in the "mysterious middle,"  I think that it is important to put our lives into an appropriate context of transformation. We can generate compassion for ourselves by just recognizing where we are. There is nothing we can "do" to change what is occurring. The discomfort is actually working on us. It is doing its job and ours is to take care of what we can. I see the middle land as the perfect place for us to develop the three important qualities of surrender, support and strength. 

Surrender
There are definitely times when we are called to stand for what matters most and fight to preserve what we value. Transition times often bring forth new visions and values that we may only vaguely sense. However, we usually are called to give up something(s) that no longer serves who we are becoming in order to make the space for the vision to emerge. Often what needs to be released is something that we really love. It's hard to give up the things that comfort us but no longer contribute to our growth. Sometimes we have to give up the beauty of a place where we have loved living in order to create an economic reality that we long for more. Maybe we are called by the desire of motherhood and need to give up all or some of our career in order to make that choice. Whatever the situation, it helps to remember that surrender is an invitation to yield to this larger vision--we have to give something to get something. Again, context is vital to the process. Consider shifting from an egoic perspective: "the vision is mine and I have to figure it all out perfectly. . ." to a spiritual perspective: "this vision or calling is ours and I will learn to communicate with God to know my part. . . ." Having a spiritual practice such as prayer, meditation or reading sacred text provides comfort as we move through the fear to deeper faith. 

Support
Although no one can traverse the middle land for us, it is important to have allies in the process. People and and practices that will offer a sense of encouragement and hope by standing alongside of us as we undergo this profound process of change. It can be an incredibly ambiguous time where we are asked to forgo a need to understand exactly what is happening and trust the process. I don't know many people that are stellar at living with such uncertainty. That's why it is imperative to have consistency in the form of daily rituals or mentors that can help us through this passage. I rely on weekly coaching sessions as a way of creating this kind of home base that I can return to regularly as I move forward. Self care practices are key--eating well, getting enough rest, physical activity and enjoyable social interactions. Remind yourself often that you are learning a whole new way of being and treat yourself gently and generously. For many of us who value autonomy and independence, the greatest challenge can be reaching out and asking for help. The mantra here is "Receive, Receive, Receive." Eventually you will have your turn to give back. 

Strength 
Yoga practice has taught me that we can only strengthen to the degree that we are able to both surrender and be supported. It's through this relationship between strength and support that we are able to feel safe enough to surrender to what is being made through the vehicle of our lives. I view the "mysterious middle" as a re-ordering of our inner architecture where certain elements of ourselves are pruned away for the benefit of the overall thriving of our being. We absolutely become stronger through the process. Once to the other side of the transition, we develop an important quality called self efficacy or confidence in our ability to succeed in difficult circumstances. This, in turn, as psychologists have noted, strengthens our concept of ourselves and relates to our ability to set and succeed at attaining goals in the future. It's a kind of personal training ground for our highest potential to be realized. Every transition brings another level of challenge and strengthening. As my good friend and therapist says, "Another level, another devil." In my life, a regular gratitude practice offers tremendous levity to the intensity of emotion that sometimes arise. Don't just list what you are grateful for, also write why you are grateful for them. This brings awareness to the deeper needs that may be present and allows you to focus on what nourishes you.

Elizabeth Lesser writes in Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow: "How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be." 

If you are interested in exploring this theme of living into a larger vision and engaging with  the creative process for authentic self-discovery, please join me for an afternoon workshop at One Yoga and Fitness on October 26 from 1-5pm. Register before October 17th to save! For more details and to register go to: https://clients.mindbodyonline.com/classic/home?studioid=22881

May all of your passages be met with grace! Happy Fall!     

  

Worry People

Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.

~Rumi

When I was a child I used to cry every Sunday night before the new school week began. Although I appeared to be well adjusted on the outside--I had friends and made good enough grades--I struggled with feeling displaced and fundamentally uncomfortable. I worried about everything. My mom, who was trying her best to comfort my anxiety, bought me a collection of worry people. They were tiny dolls that wore colorful Guatemalan clothes and seemed to arrive from some distant land. At night before bed I would whisper my worries to the dolls and place them under my pillow. Although it was never clearly articulated, the implication was that while I slept they were supposed to magically carry my fears away. It was a creative idea that provided a certain level of assurance both to my mom and me, but ultimately, I still worried.

As I have grown older, I have met many people that experienced similar challenges in school and are familiar with the discomfort of trying to navigate the multitude of verbalized and unspoken rules of conduct. I can’t help but think--where were YOU when I was in school?  And why don’t we provide conversations for kids (and adults) to express their discomfort? Maybe some kind of code word or hand shake for those of us who need to be reminded that we are not alone or crazy. To be honest, I still find myself often defaulting to worry mode. Concerns that turn into relentless “what-if’s” and fears that are tied up in my feeling like life is a giant standardized test and I am running out of time while my future hangs in the balance. 

When I really look carefully, I can see that worry is actually a disguise for deeply caring about something but it is rooted in the shame that who we are will never be quite good enough. Whether it’s our appearance, intelligence or talent, we all struggle with wanting to be valued, accepted and loved. We believe that we have to perfect, perform or please to win the attention that we crave. Worry is a non partisan player in the psyche--it can take any/all material from our lives and turn it into a catastrophic event. We become addicted to the worry as a means of feeling significant. And as all true worrywarts know--the greatest cause for worry is when we aren’t actually worried about anything! 

So how do we deal with worry in our lives? How can we shift from fearful worrying to simply caring about our lives with more compassion and peace?

Here are a few things that I have learned: 

Gather your people 
The gift my mom gave me as a child applies here. Except rather than sharing with inanimate objects, find the real people in your life with whom you can talk. These are the people that know and love you and won’t try to dismiss or fix your concerns, but rather act as true sounding boards and allies in your process. As Dr. Brene Brown says in her work--Shame thrives in secrecy. When we call it out lovingly and honestly in the company of a compassionate other, we can begin to feel the connection that we deeply long for. Have a certain number of precious people on speed dial and at precisely those times when you would rather run and hide--have the courage to call them and talk about what scares you most. Creating a safe space and place for our worries to land is a necessary step in letting go of the habits that cause us to cling to them. 

Shift Your Focus
Brain research has shown that we have evolved with a "negative bias" hardwired into our thinking. This makes sense when we think of the primitive challenge to "have lunch rather than be lunch" as our major motivation. Our very survival depended on our ability to foresee trouble. However, as advancements in neuroscience have shown, we have the ability to create new pathways in the brain. Consciously choosing where we place our attention is an art and skill that can be developed with practice. Here is a simple exercise that comes from the work of Psychosynthesis that can be used a starting place:

Close your eyes and take a few breaths to relax your body. Then imagine a blank, white screen before you. Visualize a yellow triangle there. Stay with it for a few breaths. Next imagine a red triangle next to the yellow one. Keep both triangles in your field of vision. Then begin to shift your attention from one triangle to the other. Focus on one at a time. Notice your ability to shift your attention back and forth.

Once you are familiar with this capacity, instead of triangles, imagine two different situations, one pleasant and the other unpleasant. First imagine the unpleasant situation in detail. Experience it with all of your senses. Then shift your attention to the pleasant situation, and experience it fully. Now shift your attention rapidly a few times between the two situations. 

This exercise can be practiced with any two polarities (inner/outer; past/future). With practice you are able to recognize that you are the one in the center who can direct the light of attention as you choose.

Make something
Historically many artists battled anxiety and depression. The call to create is related to the Soul’s ache for beauty, form and expression. When we remove the veils of thought, judgement and blame, worry and anxiety are often nothing more than excess energy that need to be channelled though deliberate movement. Any creative medium can be one in which we can collaborate with the intensity of human emotion in a constructive way. Journalling, dancing, gardening, drawing or cooking can all be explored as supportive channels for our worry, fear or doubt. In my own experience, creativity is an alchemical process that transforms the lead of our base emotions and thoughts into the gold of deeper knowing and truth. 

Grow Wiser
Use your worry habit to help you grow in the direction of wholeness. Part of becoming a fully functioning adult is about recognizing who is in charge. On any given day there are a myriad voices within and around us championing for attention and soliciting our vote in electing the leadership of our being. In psychological terms, these are considered to be sub-personalities, or fragments of our psyche that carry very different perspectives and potentialities. “The worrier” could be understood as one of these sub-personalities that we have unconsciously permitted to run the show. Chances are, if we listen carefully to what any part of us has to say, there is wisdom and guidance for us. Imagine sitting down with this part of yourself and talking to it. Ask questions and stay open and curious. What wisdom can you glean? How can this part of you be integrated into a larger framework of awareness rather than always occupying center stage? This question itself sets up the possibility of discovering what, in Transpersonal Psychology, is called the transpersonal self. It is that central or core aspect of ourselves that lives within and beyond our personalities and conditioning. It can be referred to in many ways such as Higher Self, Soul, True Nature, Essence, God, Love, etc. When perceived from this perspective of wholeness, we are able to appreciate all parts as treasured fragments whose source is the same. The origins of the word "worry" come from Middle English worien and Old English wyrgan which mean "to strangle" or "to constrict." This seems to refer to the way constant worry can lead to a kind of disconnection from our essential self. 

For those of you who appreciate statistics, it is interesting to note that 40% of what you worry about will never happen, 30% happened in the past and can't be changed, 10% are considered to be insignificant issues, and 12% are related to issues of health that will never happen. That means 92% of our worries are related to events that have either already happened or never will!

Take some time this month to become aware of what worries and concerns are occupying your life and then experiment with some or all of the suggestions here to begin to transmute the energy of worry into the wide awake heart of wonder.  

The Ridiculous and the Sublime: A Formula for Authentic Living

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.--Colette

Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else ... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. --Hermann Hesse

I have been reminded on more than one occasion recently that when you want something vastly unlike that which you have ever known, it is often (always) necessary to do some thing (usually several) that you have never tried. And you might feel ridiculous in the process. 

I am reminded of one particular experience that I had last year when I was in California for a seminar for graduate school. I had just made the decision to follow my hungry heart to the Creativity and Innovation specialization. Making that decision in itself marked an important turning point that I have written about previously. Just an hour or so after officially changing my specialization, I found myself in a room with other artists casually joined around a circle. There were a handful of us gathered with my mentor, Nancy Rowe. I exhaled completely in their company, fulfilled by just being in their wordless midst. Nancy had several papers strewn across the floor and none of them had the information that she wanted to give us. She laughed easily and comfortably about organization and paperwork not being her strength. I relaxed even more. There were a pile of instruments in the middle of the circle and she suggested that instead of staying in that stuffy room, we take ourselves and those instruments down to the redwoods and reconvene. Oh yes, I was in the right place. 

Our week long seminars were hosted by an old Catholic convent where a few elderly and hospitable nuns still live to this day. The grounds are beautiful--actually only a few miles from the busy highway, but cloistered by the enormous trees and hills characteristic of the Bay Area. There is a small pond on the property and miles of hiking trails. My favorite spot is an outdoor amphitheater that overlooks the pond and is encircled by huge redwoods. If you have ever encountered hundred year old redwoods, then you know something of the presence of holiness and majesty. Their stature and strength are matched by their beauty and grace. To be in their presence; to sit or stand with your body pressed against the rough red bark is a true healing experience. Our group of merry minstrels gathered there for a creative exploration of epic proportions. 

My dear friend Lindsay was among the group. She, too, at the eleventh hour had decided to switch specializations and celebrate her creative coming out with me. I was overjoyed to have her with me there. Our lives have many parallels--we both reluctantly exchanged a transient, independent life in California for a more affordable 1/4 acre in Florida to plant our roots and have babies. Our kiddos are almost exactly the same age and we are both yoga teachers becoming life coaches slowly becoming more of ourselves each day. Lindsay, the rest of the group and I were gathered in the natural amphitheater mid day and Nancy suggested that we begin with some specific voice work of which she was only sure of a few details. She recruited one of the singers from the group to lead the half-understood practice. We sectioned off into groups and began sounding in a round. The first group began and then the next and so on, until we were all creating different sounds at varying times. A bystander might not have been impressed (only embarrassed for us) but you know it didn’t sound that bad from where I sat. Perhaps the trees absorbed some of the sound, mercifully buffering us from ourselves. 

The next creative exploration we practiced was one that Nancy has dedicated many years to working with and one I have grown to appreciate immensely. It’s an improvisational expressive movement practice called Authentic Movement.  It was developed in the 1950’s by a woman named Mary Starks Whitehouse, a student of the famed dancer Martha Graham. Whitehouse became a psychotherapist that used dance therapy with many of her psychiatric patients. The instructions are simple--begin with eyes closed and take a few moments to connect to the body-mind processes. Wait for some kind of stimulus or impulse and then begin to move from whatever arises. It is a spontaneous experience with no expectation or direction outside of your own felt sense. As Whitehouse explains, "When the movement was simple and inevitable, not to be changed no matter how limited or partial, it became what I called 'authentic' – it could be recognized as genuine, belonging to that person." The authentic movement experience often involves both the mover and a witness. While one person moves, another observes or “contains” the one moving without judgement or interpretation. Both people become active participants in the experience. For many, like Nancy, who has written about and taught authentic movement for years, it is nothing less than a spiritual practice. 

We all spread out on the deck below the redwoods leaving ample space for our neighbors as Nancy said a few words to lead us into the experience. We would be moving for ten minutes and she would let us know when the time was up. Ten minutes?! I caught Lindsay’s eye out of the corner of mine and we shared the smile that spoke the same language: “If only they could see us now. . .  this is EXACTLY what they all imagine we do when we come to California. . . have I lost my mind?. . . I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.” We closed our eyes, cutting off the telepathic communication and I took a deep breath. I began to move at first superficially and then more sensitively as I attuned to my body and breath. Within a few minutes the most amazing thing happened. I forgot about the others, and the pond, and the trees and Nancy, and my silly thoughts. I moved and at a certain point that I cannot clearly identify, I was moved not by own volition. I surrendered to whatever it was that had been waiting for me to receive the invitation to dance. When I opened my eyes after ten minutes I was awed to the core. Gratefully we were not asked to speak about it just yet. We were guided to paper and a variety of colorful pastel crayons and invited to draw the experience. I picked a few colors and let them sweep across the page effortlessly. This was a new feeling for me, as I tend to resist and contract internally when I hold a crayon or paintbrush. And then we were invited back into movement again, exploring the dance from the perspective of our drawing. 

Perhaps you are one of my friends in California reading this, in which case none of this sounds unusual or even that enlightening. Redwoods, vocal sounding, authentic movement. . . been there, done that, created a job from it. However, for most people that I encounter each day in my small suburban city, this sounds downright crazy. I can hear them saying, “Which one is the psychiatric patient?” Yes, I know it looks and sounds ridiculous to some. And when I first thought about doing it, it did feel a little silly. But I admit, I secretly love this kind of stuff and I have been doing it for years so the initial skepticism never lasts long. I quickly got past the ridiculous and was lucky enough to taste the sublime. And from it, I have been able to extract a simple, yet accurate formula for my life. Here it is: Chances are if it looks ridiculous, foolish, impractical, or slightly embarrassing on the outside, but feels absolutely sacred-sublime, soul-freeing, luminous and joyful on the inside then go for it. The opposite is usually true too--if it looks, sounds and presents as shiny and bright and full of promise on the outside, but feels questionable, empty and contradictory inside, then proceed with great caution. The authentic movement practice has taught me to trust more directly in the currents that move through me from one day to the next. It satisfies my deeper longing to be true to my essential nature and to encourage that unique capacity to lead me forward.

This can be a tough one for the ego to swallow. Most of us don’t want to risk looking foolish to follow our bliss. But sometimes it is necessary; especially if we are hungry for something we have never experienced. This month’s inquiry involves a dare: are you willing to risk looking ridiculous in order to taste the sublime pleasure that comes from trying something completely unknown? What will your authentic movement look like? Is there something you have always wanted to try but are afraid of the awkwardness of being a newbie? If you are feeling extra frisky, try the authentic movement practice that I described above. You can do it in your living room with your dog or even a plant as the witness. Start gently and work your way up to other opportunities for feeling slightly foolish. In many indigenous cultures it was the fool that carried the greatest wisdom and sacrificed popular cultural acceptance for truth telling. The fool is often depicted as the child-like spirit in search of experience and appears to be stepping off the solid precipice of security and common sense. Witold Gombrowicz, the Polish author reminds us: "Foolishness is a twin sister of wisdom." When we can connect with that foolish part of ourselves, we give ourselves and others the gift of permission to play rather than perform; and to collaborate with our soul rather than compete with our ego's expectations. And you never know, it may just lead you to your most authentic heart's longing. 

Shall we dance?  

The Dance 
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.
Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.
Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when
you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .
I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that
help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently
loving
those we once loved out loud.
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make
my heart whole again and again.
Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have
too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.
Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.
And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.
Don’t say, “Yes!”

Just take my hand and dance with me.

Transpersonal Life Coaching

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” ~Rumi

For women who want to access their full potential, I provide transformational tools, practices and programs to support personal healing and self-discovery. I believe that to know yourself and to offer that awareness to the world is the most powerful gift we can give...

    What is Transpersonal Life Coaching?

Transpersonal literally means "beyond the mask." It refers to the understanding that we are at once physical, emotional, intellectual, psychological, ecological, social, creative and spiritual beings. Transpersonal Psychology is a holistic psychology that emphasizes the positive influences that contribute to the growth and development of our greatest human potential. Transpersonal practices aim toward integrating these diverse aspects of ourselves in service of wholeness and healing. Coaching is the art of engaging in meaningful conversation to connect with our desire to create a life based on our core longings and purposeful vision. The transpersonal coaching process is a creative process of authentic self discovery. The coaching relationship provides the unique opportunity to do the "inner" work of compassionately challenging the limiting thoughts, feelings and behavior that keep you from moving forward and invites you to clearly map the practical action steps that will allow you to live more fully into your beauty, strength and power to serve others. 

How is Coaching different from Counseling?

Counseling is often (but not always) geared toward working with dysfunction or pathology and often requires one to process past memories and experiences in order to seek resolution. Coaching is present/future oriented and supports the individual in developing purpose and vision for their lives based on their desires, strengths and values. Grounded in wellness and preventative health, coaching creates a partnership between client and coach where the inherent creativity and resourcefulness of the client is honored. Goal-setting, life planning and envisioning the future are the hallmarks of personal coaching. I believe that the work of true healing, or moving toward wholeness, integrates the two.  

Who is it for?

There may be one or more areas of your life where you are seeking greater fulfillment or clearer vision.Perhaps you are feeling stuck or have been struggling to find an entirely new way of being, no longer satisfied with an improved version of what you have known. You are navigating a life transition or have a sense that there is “something more” that is possible for your life and are seeking support in discovering your unique purpose.  You are curious about connecting with your creativity and exploring spirituality through grounded and integrative practices that can be incorporated into everyday life. Or you already recognize your creative vision or spiritual calling and need guidance in actualizing your dream in the world. If you are curious about this at all, I'd say you are a great candidate!

What can I expect from a session? How many do I need to commit to?

Each session is designed around individual need, but there is a basic framework that can be expected. Once you decide that you would like to schedule a session I will send you a welcome letter that will help you clarify an intention for our time together. I will ask you to spend a bit of time reflecting on a few questions regarding your specific needs and desires. In our first session we will discuss your findings and I will ask even more questions to get to know you and your unique situation more clearly. My intention in the first session is to listen and gather as much information as I can to help you identify what is most important at this time. We will talk facts, feelings and future visions. By the end of the first session you will have a sense of what your heart is seeking and begin to formulate a clear intention around it. Additionally, you will choose what practical action step you can take to support it. My coaching style is very process oriented and I believe that if we want to change our outer lives, we have to begin with what lies inside, both as obstacle and opportunity. The first session will just scratch the surface and that might be enough for you at this time. However, based on my study, research and experience with the transformational process (and creativity in general) I have come to recognize that real growth and transformation unfolds in particular stages and can best be experienced and confirmed over time. For that reason I highly recommend 4-6 week session blocks (1 hr each week). Regardless of what you choose, after our session I will send you a follow up e-mail recapping what we discussed and offer you a suggested "homework" assignment that will aid your process and provide an opportunity for you to take another step forward. 

Here's what a few people have said:  

Jenny’s unique approach to heart centered coaching is a gift. She uses a creative humanistic approach to uncover what you may need to work on. Jenny’s calm demeanor is what has always been appealing to me about her. She is easy to speak to without judgment and cares about your personal progress whatever you may be struggling with. In just one session her creative approach helped me to truly be honest with myself and face some things about myself I have not wanted to deal with for some time.  Clermont, FL 

     The time we spent together was extremely beneficial to me.  I have been struggling with defining exactly what type of work my heart desires.  For months now, I have written, prayed, meditated, discussed with family my inability to focus on exactly what it is I wanted to do.  I was beginning to narrow it down, however, it was our session together that really affirmed it for me.  It was very helpful to create the affirmation with the symbol.  I have had this on my living room table and look at it every day.  You are an awesome listener and you gave me excellent feedback.  I could tell that you really "saw" and "felt" what I was going through.  Not only this, but you have given me excellent ideas to continue my personal growth and development.  I am very much drawn to your idea of empowered choice-making!  I so appreciate your email where you gave me specific ideas and questions to ponder. E.M., Clermont, FL

I realized that before we spoke I was shutting down a bit and closing in.  The space with you let me open up gently and share honestly the way I have been feeling. In our session I felt zero judgment from you and zero judgment from myself ( and that can be the crusher for me).  I honored my feelings and was able to move into the place I want to be feeling: love. Moving into the days after our session, I felt myself being more open in my life after opening with you. Thank You! A.J., New York

A Bit About Me:

I am a mother, yoga teacher and heart-centered healing professional with an insatiable desire to live creatively, naturally, and freely. I have always been fascinated by people and their particular drives and desires. In my own life, the “big” questions of existence, meaning and purpose have been the call that took hold of me at a young age and have served as the main thrust of inquiry behind all of my life, education and work experiences. Empathy, curiosity and a sincere drive for truth are the double edged sword of challenge and blessing that have led me to teach and write about what I have most needed to learn and heal. That is, how to align mind, heart, and body in order to take part in the discovery and creation of the greatest masterpiece of all: the full expression of our unique essence in the world. I consider myself a "recovering artist" and I credit my commitment to engaging with the creative process on a daily basis to be a major contributing factor in my own healing. My passion for personal growth, creativity and spirituality led me to earn my Master's Degree in Transpersonal Psychology, a holistic framework for psychospiritual development. My specialization is in Creativity and Innovation and I guide others through their unique process of transformation utilizing the tools of personal coaching, yoga practices, body-based inquiry, mindfulness and expressive arts therapy. My mantra has become Let the Longing Lead. I would be honored to support you in your life journey! You can learn more about me here: https://pathbrite.com/jennyclarke. For more details or to schedule a session contact me at jzaga1@aol.com.