Here's how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, the loss of pets that left me reeling, dizzying betrayals but much greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto William Blake's line that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love.
~Anne Lamott
There was a particularly challenging time in my life when I was a sophomore in college and I was experiencing navigational difficulty in discerning the direction of my life. I sought out the university therapist for help in deciding where I belonged. She was a southern belle with an eccentric flair and her name was Lila Faye. Her little office on campus had interesting and colorful artwork and the first thing I noticed was an animal medicine card deck on her bookshelf. I had the same one--given to me by my mom a couple of years prior. I spoke of my indecisiveness in declaring a major; not having felt intensely drawn to any particular subject. At that point I was planning on a degree in Theater Arts, but my desire for acting waned after my single success in a high school play several years before. Not so deep down I knew acting wasn't for me. Lila Faye was a great listener, she had a special way of being fully present to what felt like a life and death decision with equal parts sincere empathy and lighthearted perspective. She suggested that I take the Meyers-Briggs personality test to determine my type. When I brought the results to her she smiled and remarked: "INFJ, that's wonderful, it's the most rare type." At the time, being uncommon seemed to add to the anxiety of my situation and the description offered little in the way of specific decision making. She also invited me choose an animal card from her deck and although I cannot remember the animal, I do remember that its wisdom made more sense than the test! I ended up leaving the little liberal arts school in North Carolina and took a year off to seek clarity of path and purpose.
The Meyers-Briggs test is based on the work of Carl Jung and his extrapolation of four principle ways by which we experience the world and make decisions: sensation, intuition, feeling, perceiving. In addition to being either primarily introverted or extroverted, one of these four functions usually dominates. There are 16 different possible combinations of types. I took the personality test again recently and my type has not changed, but my understanding and appreciation of what the information can offer has definitely grown. For instance, as an INFJ (Introvert, intuitive, feeling, judging) type, I know that I take things in primarily through the mode of intuition and tend to choose something based on how it makes me feel. I appreciate order and a systematic way of learning. I prefer to work independently as ideas gestate and incubate; yet appreciate creative collaboration with like minded individuals to further develop an idea. I will safeguard my inner world and strive to create harmony wherever I am. Being aware of these nuances has helped me clarify the lifestyle that best suits me.
At this point in my life, almost twenty years since I first took the test, I found myself sighing an exhale of relief. Knowing that my life's choices have been in alignment with who I am offers a deep sense of peace. The struggle that I felt in college was in believing that I needed to be someone else, that is, somehow fundamentally different. It's as though my ideas of what I thought I should be were going against the grain of who I really am. Hence, the uncomfortable rub. I think that if we are going to strive to live an authentic, soulful life we have to learn to love and accept our unique personalities. We have to find peace in simply "loving what the soft animal of the body loves" as Mary Oliver says. We can't overlook this basic aspect of who we are. Each type has its quirks and shadow qualities as well as its strengths to be cherished.
Much of how I have come to learn about who I am comes from understanding and accepting what I am NOT. To be an actress I would have to be comfortable with continuously putting myself "out there" on stage to perform. In retrospect, I see that this would not have suited my personality; instead I would have preferred to be behind the scenes as a set decorator or even a director. Perhaps, more accurately, a writer. But definitely not a performer. My outer choice to become an actress was not in alignment with my personality that appreciates a more reflective form of creativity. And I think one of the biggest clues to my future path was in the very woman that suggested I take the test in the first place. Lila Faye, the warm sage guide with an office full of objects that spoke to my soul who, incidentally, was also an INFJ.
After my hiatus, I returned to college and chose to study philosophy. It was the only academic environment where I found a central conversation around knowing yourself. Plato, through his character Socrates, uses the famous Greek maxim "Know Thyself" to drive many of the dialogues. Those works definitely paved a way toward my own unfolding.
I lost touch with Lila Faye but count her among the handful of mentors that have appeared as angelic messengers during times of crisis to help remind me of who I am. Today I pulled the animal deck off the shelf and turned over the hummingbird card. It reads: "Your presence brings joy to others. You join people together in relationships which bring out the best in them. You know instinctively where beauty abides and, near or far, you journey to your ideal. You move comfortably within a beautiful life environment and help others taste the succulent nectar of life." The message lands like a blessing as I consider how far I have come to know and accept myself. It's as though the clues have been here all along, patiently waiting for me to notice.
I lost touch with Lila Faye but count her among the handful of mentors that have appeared as angelic messengers during times of crisis to help remind me of who I am. Today I pulled the animal deck off the shelf and turned over the hummingbird card. It reads: "Your presence brings joy to others. You join people together in relationships which bring out the best in them. You know instinctively where beauty abides and, near or far, you journey to your ideal. You move comfortably within a beautiful life environment and help others taste the succulent nectar of life." The message lands like a blessing as I consider how far I have come to know and accept myself. It's as though the clues have been here all along, patiently waiting for me to notice.
If you don't already know your type, here is a link to the test:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
I really like the site below for its more detailed explanations of the types which include their accompanying archetype. For example, INFJ is considered "The Counselor" and ESTJ, "The Supervisor," etc.
http://www.truity.com/view/types
Another test that is helpful comes from the positive psychology web-site and is called "Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire." I learned that my number one character strength is the "appreciation of beauty and excellence."
It says: "You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience." It has been empowering for me to accept this as one of my personal character strengths! This test will elucidate your top five character strengths and offer a short description of each:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
I really like the site below for its more detailed explanations of the types which include their accompanying archetype. For example, INFJ is considered "The Counselor" and ESTJ, "The Supervisor," etc.
http://www.truity.com/view/types
Another test that is helpful comes from the positive psychology web-site and is called "Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire." I learned that my number one character strength is the "appreciation of beauty and excellence."
It says: "You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience." It has been empowering for me to accept this as one of my personal character strengths! This test will elucidate your top five character strengths and offer a short description of each:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
Although it may not be a monumental discovery, you may recognize some particular facet of your personality that you have previously overlooked or a new perspective on a life issue may emerge. After you take it, consider if there are particular areas of incongruence in your life with respect to your type and reflect on how you may be able to begin to create a change. Perhaps you are in a relationship, personal or professional, with the opposite type and learning about the other type can help with communication issues or repetitive conflicts that often arise as a result of different types striving to unite. Usually these types of relationships provide great potential in growing beyond our comfort zones and cultivate the conditions for us to develop in ways that are less familiar. Ultimately, respecting who we are and living from that knowledge will serve your individual soul purpose and the world by adding to its diversity and beauty through the gift of being you!
