Finding Rhythm, Keeping Time

Flamenco by: Justyna Kopania

“Now I am going to reveal to you something which is very pure, a totally white thought. It is always in my heart; it blooms at each of my steps... The Dance is love, it is only love, it alone, and that is enough... I, then, it is amorously that I dance: to poems, to music but now I would like to no longer dance to anything but the rhythm of my soul.” 
~Isadora Duncan

Give up the known way; offer yourself to the eternal unknown. Swim there in the cool blue waters of faith where the only pleasure is in the truth that speaks not an answer but holds alive the questions of your beating heart. Dance there on the grave of your sorrows. Triumph in the song of this new way. Give up the pursuit that makes you weary. Trade in the old dusty fantasies. Open the window wider and listen to the breeze sing. Your soul is waking up to the deeper rhythm. Do not despair. The One you long for is here. Open the window wider so He can blow His breath into your heart. Open wider the window of your soul. Breathe in good things to come. . . .

That snippet from my journal was written on a recent picture perfect Spring day when all the windows were open and fresh air blew through my home.  I feel beckoned these days to open more generously to what is moving toward me now. This month I will turn 40 and I feel as though an entirely new journey lies on the horizon of the next decade of my life. I have spent the last couple of years sorting through the memories and experiences of my past; releasing and rewriting the stories and extracting the wisdom of all that has transpired. I've carefully and compassionately examined the deep patterns of habit and thought that keep me bound. I have been involved in the daily labor of building an inner bridge from my self to my longings and now, slowly, I sense myself coming full circle-back to the place from which I started-entirely different for the journey.

I have begun my last class for my Master's degree and am working on my final integration paper that will weave my study and practice of Transpersonal Psychology into some cohesive strand. A lot is happening in my life and I feel the excitement of nearing the end of my study. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, but I am tired! And I've been a little moody these days. In the last few months I have felt my energy and stamina decline and decided to have some testing done to measure my adrenal function and hormone levels. I was not surprised to find that my cortisol levels are low and certain neurotransmitters are in need of a boost. My doctor has started me on a regimen of natural supplements to support my adrenals as well as a bio-identical progesterone cream to aid hormonal shifts that occur at my age. I am writing about this because I am amazed at the changes that have already occurred. I know many women are finding themselves in similar health situations. Within two days of starting the progesterone cream I felt a sense of mental clarity, increased physical energy and less irritability. It was so profound that I began to research it and found that my experience was identical to many women, including Oprah, who spoke of her own personal epiphany when she started on the hormone therapy.  

I realize that, in addition to the supplements, I am being called to find a new rhythm for living my life. As difficult as it is for me, I have consciously chosen to slow down and give up the frantic need to do it all; today. Less striving, more allowing. At last, shift from seeking to finding. Rest. The invitation of my minor health challenges is to tap into the deep reserves of life energy that exist below the surface of to-do's and "shoulds." I am learning to develop a new relationship with time that is in accord with my personal ebb and flow rather than my unrealistic expectations for myself. This is definitely a challenge given all of the responsibilities that I manage on any given day. But the fundamental shift that I am being called toward involves letting my longing lead the way rather than the dictates of my ego. I am finding that when I can surrender to that deeper current, I am at peace. 

Creatively, I am enjoying a period of bountiful inspiration and joy. I have been devouring books on painting and have loved diving into the world of color and form; exploring and experimenting with this brand new medium. I am even taking an on-line painting class! I am building my home studio, gathering various supplies and organizing little spaces for painting and collage. I look forward to my free moments of the day to venture upstairs into my little sanctuary to play. Spending even just a few minutes a day in this type of sacred space fills my being and provides a way to connect with myself in entirely new ways. Each exploration is different from the one before and as I look back over the process throughout a months time, I am able to recognize certain themes that emerge. My art making has become a kind of typography that illuminates not only where I am but also where I am going. It is like a waking dream not to be analyzed but gently held so that its layered meaning can be revealed. As I look back over the last month I see that almost all of my creative work has some kind of bird, feather, song or musical reference in it. Perhaps a signal to attune to a different tempo? My explorations speak to me of a time of movement, rhythm, transition, flight and lyrical communication. Poems are surfacing and simple phrases seem to rise to meet me when I am creating in this way.

I enjoyed sharing the creative process with someone else recently too. She arrived tired and overwhelmed by all that was demanded of her in her life. After a simple meditation I invited her to create a collage based on any images and words that intuitively called to her. After an hour working on her piece, we discussed what she created and we were both amazed at how clearly and emphatically her collage spoke to her need for reframing expectation in her life from drudgery to alive excitement. It is such an honor to share this process and witness the surprises and synchronicities that arise when we make the time and space for them. It is as though our longings are always looking for ways to meet us; we just need to listen and learn to communicate with them. 

In honor of this month's theme, take some time to consider identifying your own natural rhythms and relationship to time. Do you always feel rushed and like there is never enough time? Or are you often sluggish and battling inertia? What part of a cycle are you currently in? Are you just beginning some project or needing the energy and focus to see something through to the end? Just be aware of where you are in your life and determine what type of rhythm would best support your daily routine. One of my favorite creative explorations is collage. It's a non-threatening way to dip into your artistic ability. Think about this theme of rhythm and time in your life and how you would like to feel in relationship to it. Gather up a few magazines or images from personal photos or the web. Choose images and/or words that speak to you--try not to think too much about it. Once you have gathered your images and words, arrange them on a large piece of paper or in a journal. Place them in any way that feels good and glue them down. Then stand back and allow yourself a few moments to see it from a distance. Then look closely, notice detail. Move back and forth like this a few times. And then open yourself to let the images and words speak to you. What does your collage say? How do you feel when you look at it? Write a few words in your journal. Finally, create a simple affirmation based on what your collage elicits in you. Begin with the words "I am." For example, "I am  alive with awake expectation" or "I am relaxed and at ease with life's natural flow." Say the words aloud and feel them in your body. Place your collage somewhere visible as a reminder of your intention.

Henri Matisse said, "An artist must possess Nature. He must identify himself with her rhythm, by efforts that will prepare the mastery which will later enable him to express himself in his own language." I believe that if we can follow our cues from the natural world, we can begin to discover our  instinctive cadence and find entirely new ways to keep time.