"Songbird" by Jenny Clarke
Word by word, the language of women so often begins with a whisper.
~Terry Tempest Williams
I recently read a book that, within the first 20 pages, made it to my top ten favorite books: When Women Were Birds: Fifty Four Variations on Voice by Terry Tempest Williams. It is a memoir about the author’s mother, a devout wife and committed Mormon who gave permission for her daughter to read her journals only after her death. I learned that journal writing, in the form of documenting one’s life, is considered one of the obligations of being a Mormon woman. A week after her mother died, Williams ceremoniously removed a journal from the bookshelf and opened it to find, to her surprise and bewilderment, that it was blank. Three rows of journals--all blank.
This fascinating discovery led Williams to write about the subject of women, power, silence, speaking out and to investigate the inquiry: What is voice?
I think that this is such an important question for women to consider. Especially when it comes to what we aren’t saying. To become aware of what we withhold or resist speaking aloud for fear of being shut down, criticized, rejected or pigeonholed. There is a direct connection between our voices and our power--between speaking our truth and listening for where we are called. The word “voice” comes from the Latin voce which means “to call.” This suggests that there is a relationship between our ability to listen for what is most authentic and the courage to give voice to it as well. This "call and response" exchange is the way that we can begin to create a connection to our truth. It’s one thing to listen for our truth and another to speak it out loud. Williams writes about this saying, “Each one of us has one. Each voice is distinct and has something to say. Each voice deserves to be heard. But it requires this act of listening.”
Through my own participation and facilitation of group workshops for women I have learned that we have a deep fear of speaking and being seen--especially when it comes to our own truth. Women’s voices have been subverted for centuries. Often when we speak we do so at decibels that cannot be heard or understood: sometimes too soft or verbose; sometimes couching how we feel to accommodate another. Other times our responses are conditioned and habitual; lacking in variation or tone. Many times we rely on the words of someone more articulate or recognized to say what we wish we could have said ourselves and at other times we withhold our voice when we know we should have spoken up. I am guilty of all of these. Williams quotes the poet Muriel Rukeyser when asked the question:
“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.”
Think of a time when you have spoken truly, from your heart, without modifying your words or manipulating how they came out of your mouth. Can you remember how that felt in your body? For me, sometimes there is a sense of alignment: my spine lengthens, my feet and hips are grounded, my belly feels strong, supported and clear. I have nothing to prove or hide. It is as if I am receiving the words and then sending them out on my breath. At other times I feel my voice shake and crack--the words barely able to escape the narrow passage of my throat. What emerges feels like a little bird just learning that it can actually make a sound. I’m surprised and protective of what is spoken. Where are the places and what are the circumstances that allowed for your truth to emerge? Is it when you are alone or with one other person or several? What are you doing? Begin to become aware of when your voice feels most resonant and authentic as well as those times when there is dissonance and an incongruence between your words and your inner being.
To this day the indigenous Maori people of New Zealand have one single ceremony for healing the members of their community. Whether the illness is physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, the ritual is the same: every member in the community forms a circle around the sick person and the healer of the tribe asks a single question: What are you not saying? The recipient takes as long as they need--hours or days to answer the question until the healing is complete. The healer reports a ninety-eight percent healing rate. This is both terrifying and incredible to me.
This month I invite you to take some time to explore this theme of voice by practicing this exercise: begin to say everything out loud. First to yourself and then, perhaps, a trusted friend or partner. What scares you? What are you most afraid to say? What excites you--beckons to you? What, if you know you said it out loud, would absolutely begin to set in motion something that you really want?
I'll share with you something I said out loud that felt vital for me: I am going to write a book on creativity and healing. I've thought about it for a long time. I have read SO MANY books on the subject. I have written a thesis on creativity. I am actively engaged in my own creative process. And I am discovering my own thoughts and ideas on the subject. I feel called to contribute my voice to the conversation.
In the beginning was the Word. The Word that set all creation into existence. That’s a very powerful statement and hints at the capability that we, as part of creation, have to act as translators and transmitters of that mysterious language.
What might happen if we actually begin to speak out loud what matters most to us?
Perhaps the world would split open. . .
And maybe then our words would find a home in a brand new creation.
Wise Women of Clermont--I'd love for you to contribute your unique voice to a conversation that is growing in our community:
Beginning October 13th I will be starting another round of my Women's Wisdom Circle. It is a six week series on Tuesday evenings from 7:30-9:00pm at One Yoga and Fitness. This is a unique opportunity to join with other women in the spirit of true support and genuine connection. Each week serves up a different discussion topic and creative explorations with a little yoga on the side. Group size limited to 10. For more details or to sign up follow me this way:)
