some people
when they hear
your story.
contract.
others
upon hearing
your story
expand.
and
this is how
you
know.
~Nayyirah Waheed
There is a very particular feeling of kinship and "home-coming" that arise when we find another member of our tribe. We exhale. We soften. We smile with a certain knowingness--wordlessly rejoicing that in this wide sea of humans we've miraculously found each other. When you find your tribe the connection is instantaneous and effortless. There isn't the customary social obstacle course to overcome. No lengthy explanations or protective defenses. Ultimately there is nothing to prove; nothing to hide. With your tribe it's easy and the two most comforting words are usually "me too."
I realize that when I am in California I feel the relief of being able to finally let go of trying to find where I fit. I settle into the essential truth that this is where I belong. This sense of belonging is the gift that comes with finding your tribe. Having special people, places or practices to which we belong establishes a feeling of being anchored to greater meaning and purpose. "Fitting in" is like being a chameleon--changing and adapting ourselves to match the environment in order to gain access and acceptance. While this temporarily fulfills our need for connection and meaning, over time it can begin to feel tiring, constraining and limiting. As long as our values and beliefs conform to that of our chosen groups, we can enjoy admission. Some groups are exclusive and static, leaving little or no room for change and growth. The experience of true belonging is like a garden with a variety of plants and flowers appreciated for their uniqueness. The natural cycles of growth and decay are honored and each species is celebrated for its beauty and individual function without imposition or expectation. A garden-variety tribe allows plenty of room for personal evolution.
Here are a few of the benefits of having a tribe to call your own:
You get an existential makeover
Martin Buber, the Austrian philosopher, in his famous work on existentialism (I/Thou ) offers an important shift in relating to the world around us as an "I" in relationship to "Thou" rather than "I" and "It." This adjustment fosters a living relationship to our surroundings rather than a distinct, impersonal separation. Each belongs not only to itself, but to those by which it is surrounded. The idea "I belong" is directly related to a larger "We." Sometimes that "We" is a geographical location, a community of like-hearted people, a particular organization or spiritual path.
It's enlightenment inducing
Being part of a group can be enlightening in a couple of ways. When we step into relationship with others we are offered an invitation to heal or to become whole. In any group we will find those with whom we feel a resonance and compatibility--these are the ones that illuminate our best selves. Conversely, we will encounter those that trigger our shadow aspects and mirror the unconscious issues that still need to be metabolized. In either case we are granted the opportunity to discover certain gifts and limitations that are impossible to realize on our own.
It's good for your health
The power of having others who will witness and contain our dreams and disappointments is vital for navigating the ups and downs of life. When we are able to share our greatest hopes and dreams with others, the energy of the dream itself increases exponentially with the sharing. Similarly, the pain of our losses and disappointments decreases when we disclose to others who are willing to hear and hold space for our stories. Research shows that belonging to a group can reduce stress and decrease anxiety and depression while boosting life satisfaction and resilience.
We become resourceful
Crowdsourcing is a modern day term defined as the process of obtaining needed services, material or ideas by a large group of people. Each person's resources combine with others to achieve a greater result. We all have particular talents and resources that can be shared and traded among the tribe. In my neighborhood we have become naturally collaborative in this way--from childcare to pet-sitting; bodywork to house cleaning--we have found ways to help each other with the details and difficulties of living using what we have available.
Instead of trying to fit into my town, I am discovering where I belong. Relinquishing my belief that my people weren't here has opened me to recognizing the beauty and diversity all around me. Since stepping out and starting to talk about the things that matter most to me in a public way, I have begun to see that I was wrong about this town. The curious, creative, and adventurous are here. Like me, perhaps, within the contours of daily life--navigating the ordeals of motherhood, marriage and careers-- they too are secretly dancing, dreaming and imagining entirely new possibilities for their lives each and every day.
So how about you? Who are your people? Who challenges and inspires you to become more of who you really are? Where do you feel most at home? Do you have a tribe?
My own desire to be part of a community of wise-hearted women who can experience true belonging and authentic connection have helped me find my tribe. It has also provided an opportunity for me to share my gifts for healing and personal transformation. Ultimately, my longing for belonging is delivering me into the heart of my passion and purpose. I'm beginning to bloom where I've been planted and even though I still need my yearly California fix, I know that Clermont is my home and my people are here too.
Do you identify with the tiring tango of trying to fit-in and are seeking the relief of finally finding where you belong? Or do you have a tribe to which you belong but feel as though you could use support in growing and developing your personal and collective visions?
In my Women's Wisdom Circles I create an environment with intentional conversation and creative explorations that allow for our unique soul gifts to be discovered and developed. If you are interested in hosting a circle in your home or business or for more information on my group workshops please contact me at jzaga1@aol.com.
when they hear
your story.
contract.
others
upon hearing
your story
expand.
and
this is how
you
know.
~Nayyirah Waheed
One of the best things about my neighborhood are the people who live on my street. From my neighbors I've learned about traditional Buddhist protection rituals, celebrated Columbian-Christmas style, and participated in a Hindu wedding ceremony--all made possible just by stepping out of my front door.
Hair dresser to home-schooler, pest control to police work, and engineers to enigmas like me (what do you actually do?) we have become an unlikely suburbanite clan knit tightly by our children who have grown up together. Our cultural and religious backgrounds may be very different but we have learned how to co-exist and enjoy a strong sense of community.
It has taken me more than ten years living in my town to finally begin to feel as though I am finding my people. My focus in the last several years has been on mothering and completing my Master's Degree. I've been a bit of a recluse and, as a result, haven't really felt connected to my local community. To be honest, this is mostly because I didn't believe my kind of people were actually here. Having returned to Florida after living in California for five years, I missed the unique combination of culture, nature, creativity and heterogeneity that the West coast breeds. When I return to California for my annual retreats I savor that sweet and soulful familiarity. I'm in close proximity to my tribe--the dreamers, mystics, poets, artists, explorers, healers, creators and Soul diggers.
Hair dresser to home-schooler, pest control to police work, and engineers to enigmas like me (what do you actually do?) we have become an unlikely suburbanite clan knit tightly by our children who have grown up together. Our cultural and religious backgrounds may be very different but we have learned how to co-exist and enjoy a strong sense of community.
It has taken me more than ten years living in my town to finally begin to feel as though I am finding my people. My focus in the last several years has been on mothering and completing my Master's Degree. I've been a bit of a recluse and, as a result, haven't really felt connected to my local community. To be honest, this is mostly because I didn't believe my kind of people were actually here. Having returned to Florida after living in California for five years, I missed the unique combination of culture, nature, creativity and heterogeneity that the West coast breeds. When I return to California for my annual retreats I savor that sweet and soulful familiarity. I'm in close proximity to my tribe--the dreamers, mystics, poets, artists, explorers, healers, creators and Soul diggers.
There is a very particular feeling of kinship and "home-coming" that arise when we find another member of our tribe. We exhale. We soften. We smile with a certain knowingness--wordlessly rejoicing that in this wide sea of humans we've miraculously found each other. When you find your tribe the connection is instantaneous and effortless. There isn't the customary social obstacle course to overcome. No lengthy explanations or protective defenses. Ultimately there is nothing to prove; nothing to hide. With your tribe it's easy and the two most comforting words are usually "me too."
Here are a few of the benefits of having a tribe to call your own:
You get an existential makeover
Martin Buber, the Austrian philosopher, in his famous work on existentialism (I/Thou ) offers an important shift in relating to the world around us as an "I" in relationship to "Thou" rather than "I" and "It." This adjustment fosters a living relationship to our surroundings rather than a distinct, impersonal separation. Each belongs not only to itself, but to those by which it is surrounded. The idea "I belong" is directly related to a larger "We." Sometimes that "We" is a geographical location, a community of like-hearted people, a particular organization or spiritual path.
It's enlightenment inducing
Being part of a group can be enlightening in a couple of ways. When we step into relationship with others we are offered an invitation to heal or to become whole. In any group we will find those with whom we feel a resonance and compatibility--these are the ones that illuminate our best selves. Conversely, we will encounter those that trigger our shadow aspects and mirror the unconscious issues that still need to be metabolized. In either case we are granted the opportunity to discover certain gifts and limitations that are impossible to realize on our own.
It's good for your health
The power of having others who will witness and contain our dreams and disappointments is vital for navigating the ups and downs of life. When we are able to share our greatest hopes and dreams with others, the energy of the dream itself increases exponentially with the sharing. Similarly, the pain of our losses and disappointments decreases when we disclose to others who are willing to hear and hold space for our stories. Research shows that belonging to a group can reduce stress and decrease anxiety and depression while boosting life satisfaction and resilience.
We become resourceful
Crowdsourcing is a modern day term defined as the process of obtaining needed services, material or ideas by a large group of people. Each person's resources combine with others to achieve a greater result. We all have particular talents and resources that can be shared and traded among the tribe. In my neighborhood we have become naturally collaborative in this way--from childcare to pet-sitting; bodywork to house cleaning--we have found ways to help each other with the details and difficulties of living using what we have available.
So how about you? Who are your people? Who challenges and inspires you to become more of who you really are? Where do you feel most at home? Do you have a tribe?
My own desire to be part of a community of wise-hearted women who can experience true belonging and authentic connection have helped me find my tribe. It has also provided an opportunity for me to share my gifts for healing and personal transformation. Ultimately, my longing for belonging is delivering me into the heart of my passion and purpose. I'm beginning to bloom where I've been planted and even though I still need my yearly California fix, I know that Clermont is my home and my people are here too.
Do you identify with the tiring tango of trying to fit-in and are seeking the relief of finally finding where you belong? Or do you have a tribe to which you belong but feel as though you could use support in growing and developing your personal and collective visions?
In my Women's Wisdom Circles I create an environment with intentional conversation and creative explorations that allow for our unique soul gifts to be discovered and developed. If you are interested in hosting a circle in your home or business or for more information on my group workshops please contact me at jzaga1@aol.com.
