Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.
~Ira Glass
When was the last time that you had the feeling of being new at something and although you had the desire to do it well, you still felt awkward and uncomfortably novice? I can remember feeling that way when I first began teaching yoga. The timing of my cues felt off, I stressed over pacing the class appropriately and felt fraudulent trying to say the Sanskrit names of the poses correctly. It’s been almost 10 years since I began teaching and I still get a tinge of nervousness beforehand. I am also reminded of how it felt being a new mother and being totally overwhelmed by the experience. Nothing I did felt easy or natural. It wasn’t until my son was well over a year old that I had an inkling of what I was doing. By the time my daughter was born almost three years later, I felt so much more confident and I accepted the creative freedom of making the rules up as I went. Now, eight years later, being a mother has become one of the most natural experiences, although it's certainly not easy!
Anytime we are willing to try something new we also have to be willing to go through this difficult stretch of time where, as Ira Glass so poignantly states, our taste does not yet match our talent. This is exactly where I find myself again in my life: the sucky art making stage. This is the technical name that I've recently learned. Whether your "art" is parenting or painting, business or hobbyist, we all know what it is to be a beginner. I am finding myself in this place both artistically as I am learning how to draw and paint, and also professionally as I am slowly learning how to navigate the realm of career development. I admire others' fancy websites and sigh. I shake my head in amazement at the mother-wife-artist-homeschooling woman who teaches, writes a daily blog and cooks healthy dinners. I get overcome by a wave of exhaustion just thinking about all that is involved in building a sustainable business. I felt incredibly grown up after getting my LLC just this month. But that only lasted for a moment until I realized that it is only a first step. Now what?!
1. Learn to Love Green
As I said before, when we venture into new territory, we can expect to be challenged by how much we don’t know and how incapable we may feel. Being a beginner takes a tremendous amount of courage. Everyone, at some point, has been there and if you are growing and evolving you will feel this vulnerability often. Remind yourself that it is a necessary stage and learn to love it for all of its verdant awkwardness and tremendous possibility.
2. Imitate don’t compare
This year long art class that I am taking is full of incredible artists, illustrators and designers whose work is consistently breathtaking. We are encouraged to post our artwork in a private forum for the others to see. I have forced myself to do it because I know that my inner critic would prefer me to keep it to myself. Comparison and judgement are the bedfellows of the critic and can easily crush the beginners spirit. I have learned to appreciate the immense talent that I am learning from and even attempt to imitate it. I find that in the "sucky art making stage", while learning a new technique, it can be beneficial to follow the exact instructions for some time. The key is to not compare the outcome of your work with the more advanced practitioner but rather use it as way to learn and eventually become familiar with your own voice and style.
3. Have Space
It is imperative to have a space where we can create. It can be a corner of the room, a spare table or special room. If we have a place where our supplies are readily available and where we return regularly, we are much more likely to make something happen. Often just showing up is enough. Even on the days when I don’t feel inspired, I find that cleaning paint brushes, organizing papers, writing a few words or doing a couple of yoga poses will yield something positive. Being in your space incubating the seeds of creativity will, over time, generate good creative karma.
4. Embrace Equanimity
Some days you will adore what you make and others you will be utterly disappointed. Practice the art of detachment and releasing outcome. Just like the intricately crafted Buddhist sand paintings that are offered to the wind when completed, the fruits of our labor can offer the same levity when we learn to move beyond criticism and praise. Remember that whatever you craft is temporary and be willing to let it go.
5. You Are Worthy Now
It’s easy to confuse self-esteem with self-worth. Self-esteem rises and falls with our accomplishments and disappointments and holds its center of gravity in events that happen outside of us. Self-worth comes from recognizing that we are enough right now and that nothing we do or don’t do affects that truth. Your self-worth is a constant, eternal, unchanging quality that is not dependent on what you make. Because you are here, doing your best, you are worthy.
6. Invest in Your Soul
It can become an excuse for us to not create anything, but we have to have the tools that we need to make our art. And Oh, what a difference quality supplies make! I recently splurged on Caran Dache water soluble crayons and I can’t believe how creamy and beautiful the colors become when water is added. If your soul tells you to paint, then you must get yourself some wonderful paints. Jungian analyst and storyteller Clarissa Pinkola Estes talks about always loving to write as a child and how as an adult she buys high quality pens and paper to support her craft of writing and her love of the implements. Especially as we are just learning, it may be sensible and economical to stick with cheaper supplies, but once in a while treat yourself to something special--your Soul will thank you.
7. Allow Yourself to be a Work in Progress
I have noticed a couple of things from this new starting place: I am aware of a desire to fast forward from novice to expert without giving myself the time to learn and develop naturally and that there are few people in the consumer world that readily admit to being in this first phase of development. Instead, there is an expectation/illusion of expertise or mastered accomplishment with no hint of what it took to get there. I'm craving a more complete picture of achievement--one that includes the idea that mastery is a long way off and plenty of mistakes are being made in the process. As I find myself in the land of "first timer" again I realize, from experience, that I'm allowed to have a process too and that I don't have to get anywhere fast or pretend to have it all figured out. As one of my teacher says: You are where you are.
Embarking on a new quest is a humbling experience and requires plenty of patience and compassion. If you find yourself in this particular phase do yourself a favor and remind yourself of what good taste you have and keep making your art if for no other reason than to be true to what you love. Let the outer timing and inner rhythm begin to weave their strands into your larger vision. For as long as it takes give yourself plenty of time to make sucky art with a generous heart knowing your skill is being refined with each attempt.
(As a follow up to last month's post, a big thank you those who showed up for HeART and Soul--it was another fabulous group of creative women. In addition, I have decided to postpone my six week series The Courage to Create for the time being. I am available for individual life coaching/personal healing sessions--feel free to contact me if you are interested or need more information.)
