This past weekend I was granted the rare treat of being alone for several uninterrupted hours in my own home. The kids were with the grandparents and my hubby took his chance to ride his motorcycle (his way of treating himself to some precious quiet time). After some prayer and meditation time and the bliss of savoring a hot cup of coffee, I rolled out my yoga mat and lavished in a two hour practice that left me feeling amazingly expansive and bright. (Above photo was the view from my mat). At a certain point during the practice I could feel, almost palpably, a sense of healing taking place. I just knew that was what was at work. At that particular time it came with a vast sweetness that was soft, encompassing, and spacious. And I knew that was the medicine I needed specifically to generate my current healing. One of the things I have come to accept is that healing can happen in an infinite number of ways and that really what matters most is our level of readiness and receptivity to what comes. Fundamentally, are you really ready to heal?
For just a moment, pause and think about what images, places, people, or things comes to you when you say the word "healing." Perhaps something in nature arises, or a certain person, or location you have visited, or experience you have had, or maybe music, art, food. . . . Notice what you are drawn to. Chances are there is an important clue there for your own healing. In fact, I would suggest placing yourself there more often to begin the conversation. Yoga practice continues to offer up a rich landscape for my own healing and for those I see in my classes weekly. In fact, if I had to sum up in a single word what yoga means for me I'd say "healing."
When I began yoga in 1995 as a college student, I had already been battling depression for several years and was seeking relief from what felt impossible to overcome. If you have ever experienced the depths of depression you know how difficult it becomes to function on a purely physical level. In fact, most of the time I only felt partially in my body, and it certainly was not comfortable when I was there. The physical practice called me back again and again to this home that I was continually seeking to abandon. It provided a way back into my body that felt safe and gave me the tools to learn how to ground myself so as to begin to build a new foundation upon which to stand. Simply by learning to feel my feet and legs, breathe into my belly and stand tall, something very deep was being templated into my consciousness that offered a new way of living. According to Somatic Therapy, all of our experiences are stored in the tissues of the body and particularly traumatic events can cause deep tension, contraction or even illness that can eventually develop in the body. Despite individual circumstances, I'd say this is where the healing journey begins: in the development of body awareness. And of course there are many practices that can help with this, but yoga continues to be the modality that I return to. Through the practice of postures (asanas) with particular focus on the breath, we can begin to develop a new relationship with ourselves by tuning in and listening to the voice of the body via sensation and feeling. "Feeling" in this context surpasses "emotion" in its range and diversity of experience. Feelings can contain and take on a multitude of forms including sensation, shape, color, texture, temperature, etc. At a base level, the yoga practice is a way of cultivating a deeper and more intimate relationship with ourselves that is based on love, acceptance, gratitude, etc. That, in itself, is very healing for those of us who are in continuous conflict with the way we treat the body; not to mention being a captive to the inner dialog that can be incessantly negative. In working specifically with the alignment of the body--stacking bones, lengthening muscle, placing ourselves in space in a particular way; with a specific intention to open and create space for ourselves, a greater coherence begins to develop between the body and mind. It becomes clear, many times in just one or two sessions, how focus on the physical body in this way facilitates a clearer connection to our minds and hearts. In time the membrane between body/mind/heart becomes more permeable and we gain deeper access into our essential nature. I am fascinated with learning more about the body and its various systems as it pertains to fostering a deeper knowledge of myself even beyond the limits of the structure itself. The body is truly a gateway. It is not to be denied, beat into submission or even transcended. Many spiritual traditions refer to the body as a temple or sacred place. I have come to share that belief. And when we approach ourselves in this way, we begin to reconsider our choices with regard to lifestyle, relationships, and so on. . . .
Coming home to my own body in this way was the first step in my own healing journey. Sometimes this "step" can span the length of years in terms of healing. But by doing so, we take responsibility for ourselves in a way that no one else can! It becomes quite a wonderful adventure to really be present and feel our aliveness and connection to others in a brand new way. Desikachar, one of the teachers to bring Yoga to the West says, "Yoga is about making the impossible, posssible; and the possible, easy." This has certainly been the case for me in terms of depression. Possibility fills me (most days) and I no longer feel that deep fragmentation of living only half-alive. Yoga is a bridge that connects spiritual and physical in me. This practice continues to uplift, inspire and empower my life. And once we make this connection to ourselves through the physical practice, our heart begins to open naturally. And this is the next step into deeper healing and greater joy! Stay tuned for more to come; in the meantime involve yourself in those things that heal you:) xoxo
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