Spiritual Bypass

 

         Many of us embark on a spiritual path as a way of seeking meaning in our lives for the pain and suffering we feel both personally and in the larger world. Without a spiritual context, we can easily fall into an existential despair that deepens the suffering and immobilizes our mind and body. Each of us longs to be free from this kind of discomfort and spiritual pursuit offers a way through the confusion. However, the very source of our comfort may also be disguised as a trap door to deeper levels of abandonment-namely, to ourselves, the world and our obligations to serve humanity in a way that fosters liberation.

“Spiritual Bypass” is the term given to this use of spirituality that offers an escape from the tension inherent in our everyday lives. Rather than letting our lives be guided and informed by our spiritual practice, we use spirituality as a way of buffering ourselves from the difficulties in living. Instead of using the teachings from sacred traditions like a light that must be brought into the depths of our darkness, we deny our shadows and pretend that the light is all that exists. Used in these ways, spirituality is no different from other modes of anesthetizing our pain—drugs, food, sex, shopping, intellectualizing, spiritualizing…. What they all have in common is an ego that would rather do anything than face what hurts.

I am intimately familiar with this desire to replace living fully in this world with the seduction of existing in some other realm that feels less dense, dark and difficult. I am guilty of using spirituality in this way and I am working on addressing the underlying issues that have led to my own bypass. I recognize that this is a big issue for many seekers that are genuinely longing for a connection that transcends the corporeal. However, if we do not find very concrete ways of applying our discoveries, we risk creating a greater divide that will only cause more pain. This is why, I now believe, combining psychological therapy and spiritual practice is of the most benefit. Sometimes praying more, meditating longer, or going on yet another retreat is not enough. We have to face the issues that keep us bound and limited.

In an article I read recently on psychoanalysis and Buddhism, called Becoming Somebody and Nobody, (1993) the author—John Engler writes:

 

The therapeutic issue in psychotherapy and psychoanalysis is how to “regrow” a basic sense of self or how to differentiate and integrate a stable, consistent, and enduring self-representation. The therapeutic issue in Buddhism is how to “see through” the illusion or construct of the self. Are the two therapeutic goals mutually exclusive, as they appear to be? Or from a wider perspective might they actually be compatible? Indeed, might one be a precondition of the other…? Put very simply, you have to be somebody before you can be nobody. (119, italics mine)     

 
I think this is such an important point that is often missing in spiritual circles where people claim to have evolved beyond the issues of the ego. In reality, many have actually done little but bypass it entirely. We see this all the time in spiritual leaders that fall from grace after some incident often including one of the “lower” levels of consciousness (money, sex, and power) is uncovered. Perhaps, as Engler states, before we attempt to transcend our ego, we must first develop a healthy sense of self. Developmentally, just as a baby must first learn to crawl before it can walk, we must allow ourselves the proper time to develop spiritually as well. That means we need to attend to our suffering with the help of spirituality, but not as a way of covering it up. The function of psychotherapy is to help create a sense of inner cohesiveness by way of understanding our pathologies. In this view, where therapy ends--spirituality begins. However, it is not a linear process,—an evolution of consciousness involves a circling back many times to deeply held psychological issues with, perhaps, deeper insight. In fact, for some, it can be dangerous to embark on a spiritual path if a healthy sense of self has yet to be defined. It could lead to a spiritual crisis or emergency (another subject that I will expand on in the future) causing greater fragmentation and distress.

Is your mode of spirituality one that continually returns you back into this world or are you looking to escape? What are the ways in which you are able to apply your practice to your life? Are there any specific psychological issues present that need to be addressed? These are a few questions we can begin to ask ourselves regularly to keep us on track as we move forward on our path.

Here is Hafiz, the Sufi poet, pointing the way:

 

WISE MEN KEEP TALKING ABOUT

Time is the shop

Where everyone works hard

 

To build enough love

To break the

Shackle.

 

Wise men keep talking about

Wanting to meet Her.

 

Women sometimes pronounce the word God

A little differently:

They can use more feeling and skill

With the heart-lute.

 

All the world’s movement’s

Apparent chaos, and suffering I now know happen

In the Splendid Unison:

 

Our tambourines are striking

The same thigh.

 

Hafiz stands

At a juncture in this poem.

There are a thousand new wheels I could craft

On a wagon

And place you in—

Lead you to a glimpse of the culture

And seasons in another dimension.

 

Yet again God

Will have to drop you back at the shop

 

Where you will still have work

With

 

Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Engler, J. H. (1993). Becoming Somebody and Nobody: Psychoanalysis and Buddhism. In R. Walsh, Paths Beyond Ego The Transpersonal Vision (pp. 118-121). Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher.

 

Soul Matters

Soul Matters with Jenny Clarke

Every third Thursday of the month from 7:30-8:30pm

One Yoga and Fitness/1214 Bowman St. Clermont

“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others, both, are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.”  --Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Each of us comes into this world with a soul as unique as our fingerprints. Truly we are on a spiritual journey together. This will be a casual discussion forum open to anyone interested in topics related to life, the soul and spirituality. We will be discussing SOUL matters. Why? Because soul MATTERS! Each month a different theme or idea will be presented as a way of opening the circle and time given for all to listen and share your own perspective or understanding. It is free and open to all who are hungry for a meaningful connection… Feel free to bring a journal and pen.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe one hour

is all we have

to know about

the many deaths we've

survived.

 

Time submits

while eternity

steps into

 the gap

made deep by grief.

 

The hot wind and tree stained water

our only memories

of home.

 

One moment-

perhaps only now-

to remember what it is

to be alive

with all of the elements

of infinity swirling

inside.

 



Back to School

For several years I have been dreaming of going back to school.  I have been mostly home raising children for the past six years and although I am grateful for the challenge and the privilege of being a stay at home mama, I have been desperate for the kind of stimulation that ensues from learning and exchanging ideas.  I have been on a trajectory of self-discovery for most of my adult life, so I knew that I would need something that would support that kind of inquiry and discussion.  I love the study and practice of yoga and spirituality and am passionate about the mind/body/heart interplay.  The work in the world that I am most interested in is that which helps people transform into their greatest selves.  For me, going back to school to study Transpersonal Psychology is the perfect next step in my evolution.  And better yet, I can study and learn in an on-line forum that provides the flexibility of still being on the home front with my kids.  I enrolled in the Global Masters Program at Sofia University (formerly The Institute of Transpersonal Psychology).  www.sofia.edu

So what exactly is transpersonal psychology?  It is an integrative/holistic perspective that includes behavioral, cognitive and humanistic paradigms in addition to a spiritual perspective that has heretofore been absent in many therapeutic models of psychotherapy.  Psychology as understood from its Greek root psyche (soul) is, essentially, the study of the soul.  When we view our lives (including our dysfunction) from this perspective the possibility to heal becomes a matter of not just how we behave or what we think, but also (vitally) our state and level of consciousness.  And we know from the ancient wisdom traditions that our connection to consciousness is the path to health and well being in the greatest sense.  Ultimately "transpersonal" is an experience of ourselves and our lives as multi-dimensional beings created with a purpose. The path is the discovery of our true Self.

I recently returned from the opening seminar of the program in California. The theme of the week was "The Call To Adventure In A Time Of Change And Possibility." Inherent in the transpersonal approach is an emphasis not only on study but also personal practice and application to our everyday life experiences. Over sixty of us gathered from all over the world in response to a deeper call to live in congruence with our soul longing. It was a powerfully transformative experience that has already begun to alter my life in ways I can not yet completely understand. During the week I came to terms with the fact that I need to dedicate this next year of my life to this process of change and creating the space necessary for the emergence of what is longing to be expressed in my life. It is time again for me to really work on myself so that when the time comes, I might be given the honor to help others in the same way. Nothing excites me more than exploring what is possible when we are willing to let go of our limitations and live the adventure that is our authentic calling. 

So this is what I'll be up to for the next two years!  Pictured above are just a few of the books I will be reading in this first semester--truly it is like Christmas each day I open the mailbox and find another book I can't wait to read waiting for me.  I look forward to sharing my insights, inspirations and challenges here and welcome your questions and comments.   

Yours with sharpened pencils,
Jenny

Got Sensitivity?

   

      Do you consider yourself a sensitive person?  Or has anyone ever told you that you are "too sensitive?"  If not, I am sure that someone in your sphere of existence is.  Sensitivity can be far more than just an increased emotional experience of life, but rather a physiological predisposition in which one's nervous system is actually quite acute and processes the information or stimulation of life at a more rapid rate than some other people.  Perhaps loud noises create extreme discomfort or bright flashing lights and large crowds of people.  Individuals that are highly sensitive may also be empathic, that is, they tend to "feel" others deeply and are very responsive to others' emotions whether exposed or hidden.  Througout history, people in all walks of life, but especially poets and artists have often been sensitive in some of these ways which has fostered thier creativity, but they are also subject to the shadow side of sensitivity which can easily lead to depression, addiction and isolation.

     In addition to heightened sensory experience, creativity and empathy I have recognized deep sensitivity among both depressed and anxious people, those suffering food allergies and environmental disorders, "mystery" diseases such as chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia, and addicts that are naturally very empathic.  When not managed properly, our sensitivity can push us toward isolation, a constant state of feeling overwhelmed, fearful and sad without being able to identify why, constant issues of unworthiness, stuck or blocked creativity, and inhabiting the body only partially.  Like all challenges, being highly sensitive has both its dark and light sides.  Many are drawn to spirituality and mysticism, the healing professions or teaching in some capacity and tend to be very intuitive.  Highly sensitive people have much to offer their families or communities and world at large but prefer finding their own way of expressing themselves.  Most, but not all, sensitives are introverts and prefer a more quiet approach to life and work.  Unfortunately our culture places a significant value on the personality that is "out there" and often like the loudest child in the family, gets the most attention.  This sends a message to those who operate under different conditions that they we are not good enough and should be more like them in order to be successful. 

     It comes as no surprise that much of my own depression came from great sensitivity.  I believe that as I have learned to hold both the gifts and limitations of sensitivity with equality and become involved in work that allows me to use my intuition and knowledge together, I have been able to heal.  Now as a parent, I recognize a similar sensitivity in one of my children and am learning how to parent in a way that will hopefully encourage the gift as well as support the passage through the difficulties.  As valuable and empowering as it can be to recognize yourself as highly sensitive and understand that there really is nothing inherently "wrong" with you, it can also become an identity trap that will only limit your full range of being.  So use it wisely to help you learn about yourself but be careful not to attach too concretely to any "type." 

     I hope to work with HSP's* more in the future but for now here are the five main keys I would offer to anyone who is highly sensitive and looking for help:

• Support--know that you are not alone and that it is important to find someone or a group of people that sees, hears and understands you.
• Accept--use your sensitivity to recognize that you have a gift rather than hide behind it (which is what most sensitives would rather do)!
• Empower/Embody--get into your body--commit to a physical practice like yoga that will help you ground and open safely.
• Align with the Highest--nurture your spirituality by connecting deeply with your heart and studying a sacred tradition that resonates with you.  Focus on developing the qualities of the heart: forgiveness, love, compassion, gratitude, etc.
• Give--share your gifts with someone in need.  Perhaps a healing touch or simple smile or any way that feels most natural for you to offer your sensitivity to another.

     Sensitivity is synonymous with being concious, keen, knowing, perceptive and responsive when expressed positively.  These qualities are imperative for us to live whole and sustainable lives.

     Below are a couple of resources that I have found helpful in understanding sensitivity:

*"Highly Sensitive Person" from the work of Elaine Aron on the subject.  She wrote both The Highly Sensitive Person and The Highly Sensitive Child ( http://www.hsperson.com/)

Susan Cain wrote a wonderful book on introverts--check it out here: http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/

Picture Perfect

Recently in a yoga class I asked the group if anyone thought of themselves as a perfectionist.  At first I saw one or two low hanging hands and upon further prompting at least half of the class sheepishly admitted to the title.  I was in good company because it is something I have wrestled with as well.  As I looked at those around me that admitted their tendency to perfectionism I saw such strength, creativity, discipline and sensitivity.  Perhaps perfectionism isn't all bad.  But it can, however, also be quite debilitating if we aren't fully aware of just why and how our quest for perfection can paralyze us and create a deep rift between who we think we should be and who we are at any moment.  We create pictures of what it means to be a perfect mother, wife, son, employee, American, Christian (Muslim, Buddhist), etc. and then hold ourselves prisoner within the confines of that exact picture.  We create a separation between ourselves as we really are as well as anyone who doesn't live up to our expectations (we like to call them "high standards-" it sounds more appropriate). 

Research psychologist Brene Brown (http://www.brenebrown.com/) wrote an incredible book that I highly recommend to all recovering perfectionists called The Gifts of Imperfection.  It is one of those books that calls forth lots of light bulb moments but one that really got me is when she writes:

"Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking.  In fact, shame is the birthplace of perfectionism." (italics mine)

Shame! It is the last thing we want to talk about.  We use perfectionism to protect ourselves from seeking out the places within ourselves where we feel shame.  Those are the voices that tell us we will never be good enough.  Always wounded; never satisfactory.  We can all identify such areas in our lives: body image, career, parenting, relationships, money, etc.  And Brown advocates the cultivation of shame "resiliency" by consciously choosing to be vulnerable. That means we have to talk about it--with someone we trust--as a way of bringing to light what thrives in darkness and secrecy.  Own your story and you won't be controlled by it. 


For me, personally, I encountered shame around the fact that for years I struggled with depression and had to take medication to feel like I could be in the world with some semblance of peace.  At the same time I was starting a path in the healing arts and yoga and the voice of shame that stalked me was: "how can you possibly be teaching healing and wellness when you are being treated for clinical depression?" And I began to create a separation between myself as a healer/teacher and myself as depressed and seemingly "broken."  This only seems to magnify the shame and it wasn't until I really worked to integrate these two aspects of myself that deeper healing was able to take place. 


As practitioners of yoga, we can use our practice to heal our bodies and minds from this shame and blame that keeps us stuck in a deep groove of unworthiness and thwarts us from living fully.  In many of the wisdom traditions, stories are told of the "village idiot" or the "fool" that everyone believes knows nothing and is worthless.  But they always turn out to be the wise ones that carry an important message for the community at large.  I like to think that we all carry this quality within us and especially those of us that believe we have to "have it all together" (perfectly) can benefit from allowing ourselves to learn from this part that isn't afraid to look ridiculous or make plenty of mistakes on our way to wholeness.  These very same traditions also purport that the deepest essence of who we are is perfect and when we experience ourselves from this perspective there is nothing we have to "do" to prove that.

This week take some time to write in a journal your own story regarding shame and then choose a way that you can allow yourself to be safely vulnerable in sharing your story with a partner or friend.  And take it to the mat--shame often lives in the belly or solar plexus--breathe into those areas and offer yourself the qualities of courage and compassion.  See yourself as perfectly imperfect! And know you are not alone.

And here is Brene Brown in a funny and inspiring Ted talk on vulnerability: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

For the past six weeks my family and I have watched a bird create a nest home in one of the tall bushes just outside of our front windows.  The kids and I were amazed at how fast this mama bird gathered sticks and wove them together to create a sweet little abode.  Within a week or so, four small blue and black spotted eggs showed up and we were so thrilled that things were progressing so quickly.  Each day we would go out and check the nest to note any changes.  By the third week there were only three eggs; the forth we found lying on the ground broken under the bush.  My three year old was quite concerned and repeated all day to anyone who we met--"we had four eggs, but now we only have three."  She focused on what had changed with some remorse, while my five year old son remained positive and replied each time with: "well at least we still have three!"  A perfect first lesson in the proverbial glass half full or empty.

 I admit that I have gotten quite invested in the whole experience myself, often being the first to check the nest situation out in the morning in case any big changes arose that I would have to navigate through later.  And in a way this little bird has been a great reminder for me of some important lessons I was in need of as well.  For example, I have been in a bit of an introspective space lately, really enjoying more time to be quiet and practice slowing down.  I have felt the need to pull back from some of my work outside the home and have felt the urge to "nest" with my family.  Typically this is what women experience close to birthing a baby; and although I am not physically pregnant, I definitely have been in the midst of a reordering/restructuring of my life in preparation for a new beginning.  I have been nurturing creation by being more present with my family and focusing on enjoying the simple moments of each day.  My challenge comes with being at peace with my choice to be less in the world at this time and working toward some career goals.  Every time I walk by the window and see mama bird sitting in that nest, I see myself almost in mirror image protecting, warming, and nurturing my own family with a sense of renewed purpose.  I am reminded again by a simple piece of guidance that one of my spiritual guides often gives: Don't make a separation between anything you see or do.  In other words, relate to all aspects of yourself and your life with love and care and be careful of making anything more or less important.  Whatever I am doing now can be considered holy and precious work.  Everything is from the One and returns back to that One.   

Yesterday's nest report was still three eggs and holding.  This morning's nest check revealed our first baby!  (S)he is so tiny and is lying partly on top of the only egg left-I am not sure where the third egg went?  Mama bird has been back and forth quite a bit and I can't stop checking on her baby whenever she leaves.  Truly I feel like that little one could be my own!  I have been acutely aware during this journey with the birds, that the process of coming to this earth may appear simple to some, but I am beginning to think it might actually be quite an amazing feat.  As the great Jungian analyst, Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, perhaps the act of incarnation itself takes eons as our souls wait for suitable parents, location in the world, and the exact conditions required for the fulfillment of our purpose.  And even at that, not every one makes it.  My children are learning about the fragility of life through this nature show right outside our window.  And today from my little stucco nest I appreciate my own life and my two babies that still really need this mama bird close!