Heartfulness

The work of the eyes is done. Go now and do the heart-work on the images imprisoned within you. ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Even if you are not a yoga practitioner or don't necessarily identify yourself as a spiritual seeker, chances are you have heard of "mindfulness" and the many benefits of the practice. It has become increasingly popular as an antidote to the stress and exhaustion that are the common symptoms of everyday living. I think much of the appeal is in its simplicity and practicality. We can weave these practices into the fabric of our lives--we can pause, relocate our attention to the breath and connect to the moment in front of us again and again. Let me say, I love mindfulness practices and find them extremely beneficial especially for those just starting out on their journey to cultivating greater self-awareness. However, in and of themselves, they are not enough. I believe that mindfulness must be coupled with heartfulness if we are to become whole and healed.

Mindfulness guru Jon Kabat-Zinn defines it this way: "Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally." I see it as vital training for the mind and thoughts that are constantly being swept up by memories of the past or anticipation of what is to come. We are continuously distracted and pulled in so many different directions at once. Mindfulness practices support us in tailoring our attention to the present. 

Heartfulness, on the other hand, isn't about mastering any particular technique. It is about developing a relationship with what we find when we start to pay attention. It is the partner to paying attention. I would describe heartfulness as the unique and particular way each of us is able to relate to ourselves and the world around us. Poet David Whyte refers to it as the "conversation" that we hold with our own lives. If attention is the currency of mindfulness, wholeness is the payoff of heartfulness. 

Writer Julia Cameron speaks of heartfulness this way: "If smart were the solution, very few of us would be screwed up. Smart isn't the solution. The heart is the solution." Where the mind sorts, divides and categorizes, the heart is able to contain all things. The mind often perceives life as duality: either/or; black/white. The heart is the home of inclusivity--both/and. The heart is able to make space for the many paradoxes of life. The mind seeks to understand while the heart just knows. Mindfulness tends to be contemplative in nature, while heartfulness is more devotional. From what I have witnessed, people drawn to mindfulness practices tend to be characterized by their strongly developed mental capabilities and are independent thinkers. Those drawn to paths of the heart tend to be more connected to their feelings and senses and are usually empathic. As you read this, where do you see yourself? Are you drawn more toward one or the other? Are you able to recognize how developing the other side, mindful or heartful, could benefit you? 

I call the work that I do "heart-work." It is aimed toward developing a relationship with yourself and your life in ways that open you to discovering more about who you truly are. Learning to express yourself authentically and creatively is at the "heart" of my practice. My eight week class, "The Courage to Create: Awakening to an Authentic Vision for your Life" offers a direct experience of this heart-work. Each week provides a different theme and vital psychological shift that supports personal transformation. There is no particular formula for this process. Instead, I find that providing a safe and supportive framework for the conversation to naturally unfold is essential. That framework is held on four specific pillars that I consider the cornerstones of my work.

The four pillars are:

Wholeness: 

We are fundamentally whole; complete human beings. We have been created with everything we need to develop into our highest and best selves. Just like an acorn contains all the genetic material to become an oak tree, we also contain what we need need to become whole human beings.

Authenticity: 

Each individual has been uniquely created with particular gifts and soul qualities. Each of us embodies a distinct presence that cannot be duplicated. It is not just what we do, but who we are that is important. Ultimately, in a healthy individual there is a congruence between our inner and outer lives. Who we are aligns with what we do and vice versa. 

Creativity:

You are creative. The question is not “Am I creative or not? but rather “What am I creating in my life?” Our thoughts are creative. Our feelings are creative. Our actions are creative. The multitude and infinite number of ways that we can choose to respond to our lives in any given moment is a sign of our innate creativity. 

Spirituality: 

This life journey that we are all a part of is a spiritual journey. There is plenty of room for your own interpretation here. The deepest core need that we all share is for God, love, Spirit, the Divine…however you understand it. To cultivate a deeply personal relationship with something greater than ourselves will ultimately teach us the most about who we are and that for which we were created.

What is the heart-work that your life is calling you into conversation with? Take some time this month to consider this inquiry and allow it to renew or repair your relationship to yourself. 

Growing

"I asked, Why have I only received this? A voice replied. Only This will lead you to that."

~Rumi

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers "Grow, grow." ~The Talmud

Spring is in the air (and with it, A LOT of pollen in Florida)! I love this season when our bare trees begin to sprout their new green leaves and a palpable sense of renewal can be felt all around. Every year at this time we clear out our little backyard garden and let the kids choose seeds to plant. This year we are attempting to grow broccoli, cabbage and peppers and the first little shoots have just surfaced this week. It is thrilling for us to watch the growth as it happens almost right before our eyes. The same feels true for my children who seem to be sprouting with equal speed. My "baby" just turned 7 years old I marvel at how fast she has grown!

This season invites us to consider what is greening and growing in our lives. Spring is a time of regeneration and rebirth. In the Native American tradition the cycles of life are represented in the four directions of the Medicine Wheel. Each direction relates to a different aspect of self: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Spring is the season associated with the direction of the East and connotes new beginnings, birth, infancy, sunrise and morning. Air is the element of the East/Spring and signifies the development of our thoughts and ideas; specifically a new vision for our lives. A particular focus on our physical health is recommended. This is a good time to begin or recommit to exercise and eating nutritious foods. 

Spring is also wonderful time to engage with your creativity and to make things with your hands. Plant something, play an instrument, cook a delicious meal, arrange flowers, paint, draw or learn something new. Take delight in making anything--it is such an amazing gift to access your creative spirit! 

The truth is that not all things grow as quickly as gardens and children. True personal growth--the development of our essential self and the cultivation of a creative vision for our lives takes a long time. Conscious growth is hard because of the strength of our conditioning and fixed belief structures. No matter how hard we try to change, so often it feels like nothing is happening. After years of working, learning, waiting, letting go, beginning again and working and waiting some more we find only the smallest evidence of growth--like a little tender shoot breaking ground. "That's it?" you may wonder??? That's all I get after all of the hard work and waiting? I see this often with my clients whose progress feels too slow for their taste. Their effort over the course of several weeks or months may have produced the equivalent of a tiny stalk when they were hoping for a tree with ripe fruit! But of course the tree first has to be a stalk. It's the only way it will become a flowering tree. The same is true for us. Real growth takes time and requires patience and consistent encouragement. It's far too easy to overlook or dismiss the small shifts and changes as they occur in our lives. 

Hildegard von Bigen, the German mystic referred to Springtime as veriditas, the true greening of ourselves and nature. This month consider what has been incubating and gestating over the last months that is now growing and greening in your life? What is needed to support that growth? In her book, Living in Gratitude, Angeles Arrien offers these questions to deepen your exploration:

• Who or what has inspired you?

• Who or what is challenging you?

• Who or what is surprising you?

• Who or what is touching or moving you?

Finally, spend time in nature and silence this month and notice what is taking root inside of you. Start to make a simple practice of appreciating and celebrating the smallest changes with respect for what they might be making way for in your life. 

Happy Spring! 

Not So Great Expectations

When was the last time that you were disappointed by a person or particular situation in your life? How did your hope differ from what actually transpired? What was the result? We all have these kinds of experiences in our lives and very often disappointments, when examined, will direct us toward an expectation that was not fulfilled. Expectations often lead to disappointment. This is a hard lesson for all of us. 

I am certainly aware of my own tendencies to expect certain actions or outcomes in my own life and have been working to dismantle the unnecessary and belligerent stream of "shoulds" from my vocabulary. "I should have a clean house...." "I should plan better birthday parties for my kids..." "I should devote more energy to my relationships..." on and on they go. Expectations know no bounds either. They creep into every area of our lives: sex, finances, work, health, relationships, spirituality. We get caught not only in our personal expectations but gender based, cultural, societal and religious assumptions as well. When we really begin to bring awareness to it, we start to see how it can feel as though we are entangled in a web of expectations pressing on us from all sides--within and without-- keeping us far from the peace and purpose that we are seeking. 

Of course not all expectations are injurious or impractical. The key is to measure our expectations against our value system and the reality of our lives. Is what we are expecting in alignment with what is most important to us? Is it in proportion to what I am living right now? For example, I regularly find myself toggling between my desire to be a mother at home with my children and my longing to work in the world; to contribute my voice and vision. Both are important to me and vital to my overall well-being. However, I often get caught up in believing that I'm not doing enough--some days at home and others in the world. The overall feeling is "I should be doing more!" I expect to be able to do it all--everyday. What I have learned is that this leads to burn-out and exhaustion and ultimately doesn't serve anyone. So lately when I hear this voice creep in I take the time to really see where it is coming from and to understand what it is asking of me. Sometimes it is coming from my own conditioning to produce or please at all costs and other times it is coming from comparison--she seems to be able to do it all. Every time I ask myself--what is realistic given the current climate and circumstances of my life? What is most important now? What can I actually say yes to and feel supported by my choice? 

With this kind of awareness I am learning about the wisdom within my limitations. Our limitations aren't the final word about who we are and what is possible for us. Limitations are, perhaps, perfectly positioned edges in our current lives that can contain and maintain our growth and allow for expansion when the time is right. We are limited in exactly the ways that will provide the opportunity to meet our fullest potential. Bringing awareness to the unrealistic expectations that operate in our lives provides the opportunity to shift our alliance from the crippling voice in our head to the authentic desire of our heart. 

These are common signs that you might be expecting too much of yourself or someone else:

• Perfectionism--the paralyzing disease of "not good enough."
• Anxiety. Fear of slowing down or stopping. That feeling of always being switched "on" and driven by the need to constantly be doing something productive.
• Self-criticism--being too hard on yourself for making mistakes or impatience in learning new things.
• Comparison--judging yourself against someone else or yourself in an entirely different stage of life ("I used to be able to....").
• Over commitment--saying yes to too many things and stretching your internal resources too thin.

This month I invite you to take some time to think about the expectations that are operating in your life. Make a list of all the "shoulds" that seek to entangle you and distract you from what is essential in your life right now. Which expectations are serving you and which are just crazy making? Consider the details of your own life and be willing to adjust and modify when appropriate. Each day ask yourself: What "should" can I let go of? What can I say "yes" to wholeheartedly? When we allow our choices to be guided by both our limitations and that which we most love, we are free to live the life that is truly meant for us. 

Sanctuary Saturdays

Photo: Nicole Valentine Don

Remember,

the entrance door to the sanctuary inside you.

~Rumi

I am so excited to be a part of a growing conversation that is happening among women in my community. It began last year with the creation of my Women's Wisdom Circle--a six week journey where we explored themes like the power of intention, giving and receiving support, honoring our unique gifts and celebrating the creative spirit that lives within each of us. They say that we teach what we most need to learn. This is definitely true in my case and I would add: we create from our own craving. 

Out of the weekly women's circle, grew the idea for my latest offering: Sanctuary Saturdays. I've become acutely aware of the fact that so many women, myself included, have been giving from what we have in our storage tanks. And for most of us, that's not very much. Our outer lives, which consist of all the roles we play, responsibilities we assume and relationships with which we are committed, leave very little time for our own self-care. I often hear women say "I'd love to do X (yoga/meditation/gardening/creative projects) if I had more time." The truth is that you will never find the time, but rather you'll need to find the resolve to carve out the time to nourish your whole self.

In terms of our total well-being, just as we need to spend time each day attending to the outer aspects of our lives: our work, families and relationships, we also must honor the "inner ecology" that each of us embodies. That is, we need to attend to what is operating inside of us and seek to grow in the direction of our highest selves. There is a direct relationship between our inner being and our outer doing. Ultimately, each should support the other, creating a harmonious and mutual exchange. Many of us have become so busy in our outer lives that we have lost a connection to our own essence--our Soul. In order for us to hear the voice of our Soul, we must be willing to slow down, let go of the distractions, and engage fully with our own process.

Joseph Campbell, the American mythologist, said "Your sacred place is where you go to find yourself again and again." My intention is to create such a sacred space where the inner life and the feminine heart can be honored and nurtured. From my own experience, I have learned that certain practices can open the way for us to connect with our essential selves. The practices are like guides that will walk us to the fresh springs of our deep longing and invite us to drink. To fill ourselves up. Sanctuary Saturdays is a day long retreat, 9 am-2pm, the first Saturday of the month (beginning February 6) at a private home in Clermont. Each month will offer a different theme and incorporate circle time, yoga, journaling, a creative exploration and a delicious lunch! You will leave feeling restored and recharged. Sharing this wisdom-well with other women is a blessing that I am honored to share. If you are a woman in the Clermont area, I'd love for you to join me!

I will be offering this day long retreat the first Saturday of the month (February to May). For more details or to register please go to Thrive Clermont.

**Thrive Clermont is a new non-profit organization in Clermont, FL that is dedicated to offering life skills and enrichment programs for the community. I am thrilled to be a part of their mission and vision. 

Wish List

Be brave enough to break your own heart.

You can't ride to the fair unless you get on the pony.

Keep walking.

Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

Romantic love is not a competitive sport.

Forward is the direction of real life.

Ask yourself: What is the best I can do? 

And then do that.

~Cheryl Strayed

Happy New Year! 

These are a few of my wishes for us all:

• See your life as a miraculous gift that only you can open and discover. 

• Be willing to try something entirely new this year and let go of how you think it should turn out.

• Offer generous doses of kindness to yourself and learn to take your own hand in friendship.

• Do less of what exhausts you. Rest more.

• Embrace simplicity and stand in the strength of your true worth.

• Exercise your imagination. Express yourself. Use anything and everything available to you in the moment. Make it yours.

• Surround yourself with people who want more for you than you can conceive of on your own.

• Listen for the voice in you that gently urges and patiently persists. That's the one to follow.

• Make your own rules. Then bend them.

• Find or create a practice or ritual that nourishes your soul. Do it everyday.

• Keep your eyes on your own paper. In other words: resist the temptation to second guess your life by comparing it to that of another. Become more interested in what you have and do something to make it a little more beautiful.

• Seek to remain insatiable and stay curious about everything. Shine a light on the questions that live like seeds of secret wonder in your own fertile heart. Give them the space to grow.

• Host regular and frequent dance parties wherever you reside and remember to celebrate the immense good fortune that you've been given.

• At the very least, look up and say "thank you" three times a day.

May all of your deepest wishes be granted in the days ahead!

Wrap It Up

Whole, Healing Days

It is no coincidence that the root word of whole, health, heal and holy is hale (as in, to be hale and hearty). When we heal, we become whole--we are holy. During the holiday season, it is important to open to the healing forces and natural states of grace that allow us to be hale and hearty once again. The author Madeleine L'Engle reminds us, "The marvelous thing is that this holiness is nothing we can earn. We don't become holy by acquiring merit badges and Brownie points. It has nothing to do with virtue or job descriptions or morality. It is nothing we can do, in this do-it-yourself world. It is a gift, sheer gift, waiting there to be recognized and received. We do not have to be qualified to be holy. We do not have to be qualified to be whole or healed." It can be easy to get caught up in the frantic energy of shopping, festivities, and travel this month. Resolve instead to approach the season in a balanced way, to nourish your health and allow your whole self to be present to the holy days and nights.

~Angeles Arrien

How can you nourish your whole self during this dark season? For me it means spending more time in the liminal dream space where my creative ideas incubate. It is about honoring the cycles of rest and rejuvenation by sleeping longer, slowing down, baking something delicious, and soaking in the wonder of the season with my children who are still mesmerized and delighted by the magic. Overall, it is about striving less and inviting more…letting go of the strong clutch on certainty and predictability and opening to the abundant mystery beneath what's known. I like to spend some time reflecting on the year that has passed and re-visit my original intentions. Where am I now in relation to where I was when I began this year? 

This month I'd like to share with you five reflection questions to consider as you wrap up the year. Take some time to journal your responses based on your personal, professional and/or interpersonal experiences this year:

• What did you accomplish or achieve this year that you are most proud of? 

• What was your greatest challenge this year? 

• Who/What has been instrumental in your life this year? How so? 

• Who have you become this year? What qualities have you developed or discovered?

• If you were to give this year a title what would it be?

Finally, create a small ritual to celebrate the completion of another year! Light a candle, offer a prayer, ask to release, forgive or heal what no longer serves you and be grateful for all of the gifts you have received. 


Burning the Old Year
By: Naomi Shihab Nye

Letters swallow themselves in seconds.   
Notes friends tied to the doorknob,   
transparent scarlet paper,
sizzle like moth wings,
marry the air.

So much of any year is flammable,   
lists of vegetables, partial poems.   
Orange swirling flame of days,   
so little is a stone.

Where there was something and suddenly isn’t,   
an absence shouts, celebrates, leaves a space.   
I begin again with the smallest numbers.

Quick dance, shuffle of losses and leaves,   
only the things I didn’t do   
crackle after the blazing dies.


Wishing you peaceful holy-days...

Illuminated: Lezlie Laws

I see the conscious creation of daily existence as a fascinating combining of experiences that sometimes results in a “product” (a painting, an essay, a flower), but most often result is the effect or sensation of the experience itself.  That “experience” is our LifeArt!

~Lezlie Laws

This month I am honored to be featuring a woman whose creative spirit is passionate and bold! When I first heard her name, I imagined a famous or fictional character that I immediately wanted to know more about. Lezlie Laws does, in fact, have a larger-than-life presence. Her voice is strong and her writing style harmonizes lightness with a razor sharp edge that knows how to trim the fat to get to the truth. That's because she has been practicing her art for a long time. She retired from a 24 year teaching career (English and Creative Writing) at Rollins College to enter into the field of creative entrepreneurship with her business Life Art Studio located in Winter Park, Florida. Also a yoga teacher, her work includes teaching public outdoor garden yoga classes, facilitating group workshops and retreats as well as private coaching for people longing to connect to their "original and deep potential." I have been inspired by Lezlie's work for years--I can remember shortly after my son was born (almost 10 years ago!) I spent an afternoon in one of her writing workshops and left feeling like I could breathe again. I was reminded that my creative spirit was still, and always is, an important part of me. She has a true gift for leading people directly into the heart of what is most vital and alive. 

Here is my interview with this inspiring and wholly dedicated artist: 

How do you define and describe your art?

I am a writer, and recently have taken up drawing and painting; I see my garden as an expression of a kind of artfulness, a way of using design, color, and texture to create an experience.  But in truth, I am not talented in any arena of artistic expression, although for most of my life I have been interested in (well, consumed by!) so many forms of what people call “art.” 

But these days, I’m using a term that Einstein coined:  combinatorial play.  I see the conscious creation of daily existence as a fascinating combining of experiences that sometimes results in a “product” (a painting, an essay, a flower), but most often result is the effect or sensation of the experience itself.  That “experience” is our LifeArt!

Have you always been creative or is it something you have grown into?

I think we are hardwired for creativity.  But many of us have thought of creativity as a special or unique capacity that only a precious few are blessed with.  (How many times have we heard someone say, “I don’t have a creative bone in my body.”)  But in truth, we are all blessed with creativity.  The degree to which it expresses is up to us.   At LifeArt Studio, our mission is to examine, cultivate, and encourage the skills and habits of mind that allow us to express ourselves in unique, pleasing, and artful ways. So yes, I have definitely grown into whatever creative qualities I may currently exhibit. I work at it daily!

Do you have any daily practices or self care rituals that you rely on to support your craft?

Absolutely.  I call them my Foundational Practices.  They are the habits that assure that each day I will be rested, focused, alert, healthy, calm and yet energized.  These qualities, when developed regularly, allow our innate creative spirit to rise up and seek expression.

So, every night I get 8-9 hours of sleep.  Then, every morning (365 days a year), I meditate, make bulletproof coffee, read in one of the great wisdom traditions, record my gratitudes, and then I turn to my writing.  This ritual takes about two hours, which I know sounds like a lot of time to give first thing in the morning. But, this set of morning practices aligns me with the core beliefs of my life and opens my spirit to receive the blessings of the day.  They make everything better, happier, and more creative.

How, if at all, has your art making cultivated the conditions for healing in your life? Can you give an example?

hmmmm.  I don’t think I have an answer for this.  I can say this, though.  I truly believe that destructive or bad behavior (no matter how trivial or abhorrent) grows out of the stunting of our profound need to express the ideas and feelings that we were brought to this earth to express.  This is why teaching children to understand and cultivate their creative capacities is so vital to our vitality as a species and as a community.  Creativity leads us toward wholeness, awareness, and joy.

What effect do you most want your art to have on your audience?

On one level, I have no concern about the effect of my art on an audience.  I do it to save myself, not to please someone else.  As I said earlier, I’m actually not very good at any of the forms of artful expression I practice.  But I love doing them.  These days, I am so much more interested in seeking out experiences that intrigue, provoke, and bring me joy than I am in producing something for “publication” or effect.
But on the other hand, since I consider the shaping of my life as an artful act, I want my “art” to profoundly affect others.  I want to connect honestly and authentically with each person before me.  I want my life to be of benefit to myself and to those I have the privilege of meeting and knowing.

Who or what currently inspires you?

I am completely in love with and inspired by my clients here at LifeArt Studio.  This probably sounds corny, but truly, I am in love with them.  I have the honor of working with so many people who are committing themselves to living their lives fully, passionately, and authentically.  And they are working hard at it.   They are building the skills and habits of mind necessary to “show up, grow up, and wake up,” as philosopher Ken Wilber says.  They are demonstrating courage in facing their obstacles; they are building resilience to move forward with hope; they are cultivating confidence in their innate capacities to grow, change, flourish, and create the lives they want.  Ohmygod, they are simply amazing, and I learn from them and grow with them every single day.  They inspire me!

What questions are alive for you now? Toward what experience or idea do you feel called to explore next in your creative journey?

One of the principles of the LifeArt protocol is surrender.  It’s a complex concept and one I don’t present to clients until I’ve worked with them for a while.  I am learning about and practicing surrender more and more these days.  It’s not a static practice, but one that emerges as we step more fully into our lives and gain more understanding about our purpose here on this little blue planet.  The more we surrender, the more creative we become.

Finally, what wisdom or particular suggestion would you offer to someone who is seeking to be more creative in their own lives?

Get as still as you can as often as you can by whatever means you can.  Meditation, quiet reflection, walking in nature, intentional observation, writing—there are many ways to get still, all of them nurturing our creative seeds.  Practice quieting the mind and accepting the moment exactly as it presents itself to you, over, and over, and over again. Each moment has its own wisdom, its own insight, its own direction.  In silence, we can allow what wants to rise up in us emerge, and see how our life—and our creativity—begin to deepen.   My mantra these days is, “I trust in this moment.”

Thank you Lezlie! 

"Most people go all the way through their lives without ever having a clue about what their deep mission is…" You can see Lezlie in action here sharing her mission and passion for inspiring others to be their best selves.