The Mysterious Middle

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. ~Pema Chodron


The word "transition" is a buzzword this time of year as summer is slowly being replaced by inklings of fall. I am being reminded, yet again, of what it is to be in transition. Doesn't it feels as though we are always involved in some type of transition? I am certainly aware of this truth in my life--now three months out of school and well into the wilderness of my next life steps. I am intimate with the excitement, confusion and the vulnerability of being in what Eddy Moratin, a leader in my church, calls "the mysterious middle." 

Mirroring the natural world, our lives, too, are cyclic and non-linear. In his book, Transitions, William Bridges describes three stages in every life transition: an end, a neutral zone, and a new beginning. As we journey through our lives, we find ourselves at these threshold points at different times. Each stage requires some form of letting go so that we are able to move forward. Very often as we stand at the threshold of one ending, a new beginning is not yet visible. In fact, most of the time we can't begin to grasp what will be, simply because we are not there yet. This middle land can feel like a vast desert with no end in sight. Or perhaps like a dense forest with no clear cut path. Maybe even like the routine of waking, showing up in our everyday life and giving our all while nothing seems to be happening. In my experience this middle place can last for weeks, months or even years. It is a crucible chapter in the story of our personal transformation. In this place we are estranged from what we have known and not yet to the threshold of what we are to become. This can be a very difficult period of time to endure but also holds incredible growth potential if we are willing to open ourselves to the lessons. 

"Pain pushes until vision pulls," Reverend Bernard Beckwith says. This push and pull can create the dance of two steps forward; one step back that is common at this juncture. The temptation is to regress completely--to move backward and to return to the life that was familiar. For those in addiction recovery, it is the desire to return to the drugs or alcohol or food to ease the pain of letting go; for others it may involve running back into the arms of a familiar partner or pattern of relationship that we have outgrown because it's better than being alone. For me, these days, it's fantasizing about going back to school where I feel at home with a syllabus and an arsenal of new knowledge.

Having been in this place  enough times now, I have learned a few things that can help reframe the experience. First, if we are in the "mysterious middle,"  I think that it is important to put our lives into an appropriate context of transformation. We can generate compassion for ourselves by just recognizing where we are. There is nothing we can "do" to change what is occurring. The discomfort is actually working on us. It is doing its job and ours is to take care of what we can. I see the middle land as the perfect place for us to develop the three important qualities of surrender, support and strength. 

Surrender
There are definitely times when we are called to stand for what matters most and fight to preserve what we value. Transition times often bring forth new visions and values that we may only vaguely sense. However, we usually are called to give up something(s) that no longer serves who we are becoming in order to make the space for the vision to emerge. Often what needs to be released is something that we really love. It's hard to give up the things that comfort us but no longer contribute to our growth. Sometimes we have to give up the beauty of a place where we have loved living in order to create an economic reality that we long for more. Maybe we are called by the desire of motherhood and need to give up all or some of our career in order to make that choice. Whatever the situation, it helps to remember that surrender is an invitation to yield to this larger vision--we have to give something to get something. Again, context is vital to the process. Consider shifting from an egoic perspective: "the vision is mine and I have to figure it all out perfectly. . ." to a spiritual perspective: "this vision or calling is ours and I will learn to communicate with God to know my part. . . ." Having a spiritual practice such as prayer, meditation or reading sacred text provides comfort as we move through the fear to deeper faith. 

Support
Although no one can traverse the middle land for us, it is important to have allies in the process. People and and practices that will offer a sense of encouragement and hope by standing alongside of us as we undergo this profound process of change. It can be an incredibly ambiguous time where we are asked to forgo a need to understand exactly what is happening and trust the process. I don't know many people that are stellar at living with such uncertainty. That's why it is imperative to have consistency in the form of daily rituals or mentors that can help us through this passage. I rely on weekly coaching sessions as a way of creating this kind of home base that I can return to regularly as I move forward. Self care practices are key--eating well, getting enough rest, physical activity and enjoyable social interactions. Remind yourself often that you are learning a whole new way of being and treat yourself gently and generously. For many of us who value autonomy and independence, the greatest challenge can be reaching out and asking for help. The mantra here is "Receive, Receive, Receive." Eventually you will have your turn to give back. 

Strength 
Yoga practice has taught me that we can only strengthen to the degree that we are able to both surrender and be supported. It's through this relationship between strength and support that we are able to feel safe enough to surrender to what is being made through the vehicle of our lives. I view the "mysterious middle" as a re-ordering of our inner architecture where certain elements of ourselves are pruned away for the benefit of the overall thriving of our being. We absolutely become stronger through the process. Once to the other side of the transition, we develop an important quality called self efficacy or confidence in our ability to succeed in difficult circumstances. This, in turn, as psychologists have noted, strengthens our concept of ourselves and relates to our ability to set and succeed at attaining goals in the future. It's a kind of personal training ground for our highest potential to be realized. Every transition brings another level of challenge and strengthening. As my good friend and therapist says, "Another level, another devil." In my life, a regular gratitude practice offers tremendous levity to the intensity of emotion that sometimes arise. Don't just list what you are grateful for, also write why you are grateful for them. This brings awareness to the deeper needs that may be present and allows you to focus on what nourishes you.

Elizabeth Lesser writes in Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow: "How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be." 

If you are interested in exploring this theme of living into a larger vision and engaging with  the creative process for authentic self-discovery, please join me for an afternoon workshop at One Yoga and Fitness on October 26 from 1-5pm. Register before October 17th to save! For more details and to register go to: https://clients.mindbodyonline.com/classic/home?studioid=22881

May all of your passages be met with grace! Happy Fall!     

  

Worry People

Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.

~Rumi

When I was a child I used to cry every Sunday night before the new school week began. Although I appeared to be well adjusted on the outside--I had friends and made good enough grades--I struggled with feeling displaced and fundamentally uncomfortable. I worried about everything. My mom, who was trying her best to comfort my anxiety, bought me a collection of worry people. They were tiny dolls that wore colorful Guatemalan clothes and seemed to arrive from some distant land. At night before bed I would whisper my worries to the dolls and place them under my pillow. Although it was never clearly articulated, the implication was that while I slept they were supposed to magically carry my fears away. It was a creative idea that provided a certain level of assurance both to my mom and me, but ultimately, I still worried.

As I have grown older, I have met many people that experienced similar challenges in school and are familiar with the discomfort of trying to navigate the multitude of verbalized and unspoken rules of conduct. I can’t help but think--where were YOU when I was in school?  And why don’t we provide conversations for kids (and adults) to express their discomfort? Maybe some kind of code word or hand shake for those of us who need to be reminded that we are not alone or crazy. To be honest, I still find myself often defaulting to worry mode. Concerns that turn into relentless “what-if’s” and fears that are tied up in my feeling like life is a giant standardized test and I am running out of time while my future hangs in the balance. 

When I really look carefully, I can see that worry is actually a disguise for deeply caring about something but it is rooted in the shame that who we are will never be quite good enough. Whether it’s our appearance, intelligence or talent, we all struggle with wanting to be valued, accepted and loved. We believe that we have to perfect, perform or please to win the attention that we crave. Worry is a non partisan player in the psyche--it can take any/all material from our lives and turn it into a catastrophic event. We become addicted to the worry as a means of feeling significant. And as all true worrywarts know--the greatest cause for worry is when we aren’t actually worried about anything! 

So how do we deal with worry in our lives? How can we shift from fearful worrying to simply caring about our lives with more compassion and peace?

Here are a few things that I have learned: 

Gather your people 
The gift my mom gave me as a child applies here. Except rather than sharing with inanimate objects, find the real people in your life with whom you can talk. These are the people that know and love you and won’t try to dismiss or fix your concerns, but rather act as true sounding boards and allies in your process. As Dr. Brene Brown says in her work--Shame thrives in secrecy. When we call it out lovingly and honestly in the company of a compassionate other, we can begin to feel the connection that we deeply long for. Have a certain number of precious people on speed dial and at precisely those times when you would rather run and hide--have the courage to call them and talk about what scares you most. Creating a safe space and place for our worries to land is a necessary step in letting go of the habits that cause us to cling to them. 

Shift Your Focus
Brain research has shown that we have evolved with a "negative bias" hardwired into our thinking. This makes sense when we think of the primitive challenge to "have lunch rather than be lunch" as our major motivation. Our very survival depended on our ability to foresee trouble. However, as advancements in neuroscience have shown, we have the ability to create new pathways in the brain. Consciously choosing where we place our attention is an art and skill that can be developed with practice. Here is a simple exercise that comes from the work of Psychosynthesis that can be used a starting place:

Close your eyes and take a few breaths to relax your body. Then imagine a blank, white screen before you. Visualize a yellow triangle there. Stay with it for a few breaths. Next imagine a red triangle next to the yellow one. Keep both triangles in your field of vision. Then begin to shift your attention from one triangle to the other. Focus on one at a time. Notice your ability to shift your attention back and forth.

Once you are familiar with this capacity, instead of triangles, imagine two different situations, one pleasant and the other unpleasant. First imagine the unpleasant situation in detail. Experience it with all of your senses. Then shift your attention to the pleasant situation, and experience it fully. Now shift your attention rapidly a few times between the two situations. 

This exercise can be practiced with any two polarities (inner/outer; past/future). With practice you are able to recognize that you are the one in the center who can direct the light of attention as you choose.

Make something
Historically many artists battled anxiety and depression. The call to create is related to the Soul’s ache for beauty, form and expression. When we remove the veils of thought, judgement and blame, worry and anxiety are often nothing more than excess energy that need to be channelled though deliberate movement. Any creative medium can be one in which we can collaborate with the intensity of human emotion in a constructive way. Journalling, dancing, gardening, drawing or cooking can all be explored as supportive channels for our worry, fear or doubt. In my own experience, creativity is an alchemical process that transforms the lead of our base emotions and thoughts into the gold of deeper knowing and truth. 

Grow Wiser
Use your worry habit to help you grow in the direction of wholeness. Part of becoming a fully functioning adult is about recognizing who is in charge. On any given day there are a myriad voices within and around us championing for attention and soliciting our vote in electing the leadership of our being. In psychological terms, these are considered to be sub-personalities, or fragments of our psyche that carry very different perspectives and potentialities. “The worrier” could be understood as one of these sub-personalities that we have unconsciously permitted to run the show. Chances are, if we listen carefully to what any part of us has to say, there is wisdom and guidance for us. Imagine sitting down with this part of yourself and talking to it. Ask questions and stay open and curious. What wisdom can you glean? How can this part of you be integrated into a larger framework of awareness rather than always occupying center stage? This question itself sets up the possibility of discovering what, in Transpersonal Psychology, is called the transpersonal self. It is that central or core aspect of ourselves that lives within and beyond our personalities and conditioning. It can be referred to in many ways such as Higher Self, Soul, True Nature, Essence, God, Love, etc. When perceived from this perspective of wholeness, we are able to appreciate all parts as treasured fragments whose source is the same. The origins of the word "worry" come from Middle English worien and Old English wyrgan which mean "to strangle" or "to constrict." This seems to refer to the way constant worry can lead to a kind of disconnection from our essential self. 

For those of you who appreciate statistics, it is interesting to note that 40% of what you worry about will never happen, 30% happened in the past and can't be changed, 10% are considered to be insignificant issues, and 12% are related to issues of health that will never happen. That means 92% of our worries are related to events that have either already happened or never will!

Take some time this month to become aware of what worries and concerns are occupying your life and then experiment with some or all of the suggestions here to begin to transmute the energy of worry into the wide awake heart of wonder.  

The Ridiculous and the Sublime: A Formula for Authentic Living

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.--Colette

Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else ... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. --Hermann Hesse

I have been reminded on more than one occasion recently that when you want something vastly unlike that which you have ever known, it is often (always) necessary to do some thing (usually several) that you have never tried. And you might feel ridiculous in the process. 

I am reminded of one particular experience that I had last year when I was in California for a seminar for graduate school. I had just made the decision to follow my hungry heart to the Creativity and Innovation specialization. Making that decision in itself marked an important turning point that I have written about previously. Just an hour or so after officially changing my specialization, I found myself in a room with other artists casually joined around a circle. There were a handful of us gathered with my mentor, Nancy Rowe. I exhaled completely in their company, fulfilled by just being in their wordless midst. Nancy had several papers strewn across the floor and none of them had the information that she wanted to give us. She laughed easily and comfortably about organization and paperwork not being her strength. I relaxed even more. There were a pile of instruments in the middle of the circle and she suggested that instead of staying in that stuffy room, we take ourselves and those instruments down to the redwoods and reconvene. Oh yes, I was in the right place. 

Our week long seminars were hosted by an old Catholic convent where a few elderly and hospitable nuns still live to this day. The grounds are beautiful--actually only a few miles from the busy highway, but cloistered by the enormous trees and hills characteristic of the Bay Area. There is a small pond on the property and miles of hiking trails. My favorite spot is an outdoor amphitheater that overlooks the pond and is encircled by huge redwoods. If you have ever encountered hundred year old redwoods, then you know something of the presence of holiness and majesty. Their stature and strength are matched by their beauty and grace. To be in their presence; to sit or stand with your body pressed against the rough red bark is a true healing experience. Our group of merry minstrels gathered there for a creative exploration of epic proportions. 

My dear friend Lindsay was among the group. She, too, at the eleventh hour had decided to switch specializations and celebrate her creative coming out with me. I was overjoyed to have her with me there. Our lives have many parallels--we both reluctantly exchanged a transient, independent life in California for a more affordable 1/4 acre in Florida to plant our roots and have babies. Our kiddos are almost exactly the same age and we are both yoga teachers becoming life coaches slowly becoming more of ourselves each day. Lindsay, the rest of the group and I were gathered in the natural amphitheater mid day and Nancy suggested that we begin with some specific voice work of which she was only sure of a few details. She recruited one of the singers from the group to lead the half-understood practice. We sectioned off into groups and began sounding in a round. The first group began and then the next and so on, until we were all creating different sounds at varying times. A bystander might not have been impressed (only embarrassed for us) but you know it didn’t sound that bad from where I sat. Perhaps the trees absorbed some of the sound, mercifully buffering us from ourselves. 

The next creative exploration we practiced was one that Nancy has dedicated many years to working with and one I have grown to appreciate immensely. It’s an improvisational expressive movement practice called Authentic Movement.  It was developed in the 1950’s by a woman named Mary Starks Whitehouse, a student of the famed dancer Martha Graham. Whitehouse became a psychotherapist that used dance therapy with many of her psychiatric patients. The instructions are simple--begin with eyes closed and take a few moments to connect to the body-mind processes. Wait for some kind of stimulus or impulse and then begin to move from whatever arises. It is a spontaneous experience with no expectation or direction outside of your own felt sense. As Whitehouse explains, "When the movement was simple and inevitable, not to be changed no matter how limited or partial, it became what I called 'authentic' – it could be recognized as genuine, belonging to that person." The authentic movement experience often involves both the mover and a witness. While one person moves, another observes or “contains” the one moving without judgement or interpretation. Both people become active participants in the experience. For many, like Nancy, who has written about and taught authentic movement for years, it is nothing less than a spiritual practice. 

We all spread out on the deck below the redwoods leaving ample space for our neighbors as Nancy said a few words to lead us into the experience. We would be moving for ten minutes and she would let us know when the time was up. Ten minutes?! I caught Lindsay’s eye out of the corner of mine and we shared the smile that spoke the same language: “If only they could see us now. . .  this is EXACTLY what they all imagine we do when we come to California. . . have I lost my mind?. . . I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.” We closed our eyes, cutting off the telepathic communication and I took a deep breath. I began to move at first superficially and then more sensitively as I attuned to my body and breath. Within a few minutes the most amazing thing happened. I forgot about the others, and the pond, and the trees and Nancy, and my silly thoughts. I moved and at a certain point that I cannot clearly identify, I was moved not by own volition. I surrendered to whatever it was that had been waiting for me to receive the invitation to dance. When I opened my eyes after ten minutes I was awed to the core. Gratefully we were not asked to speak about it just yet. We were guided to paper and a variety of colorful pastel crayons and invited to draw the experience. I picked a few colors and let them sweep across the page effortlessly. This was a new feeling for me, as I tend to resist and contract internally when I hold a crayon or paintbrush. And then we were invited back into movement again, exploring the dance from the perspective of our drawing. 

Perhaps you are one of my friends in California reading this, in which case none of this sounds unusual or even that enlightening. Redwoods, vocal sounding, authentic movement. . . been there, done that, created a job from it. However, for most people that I encounter each day in my small suburban city, this sounds downright crazy. I can hear them saying, “Which one is the psychiatric patient?” Yes, I know it looks and sounds ridiculous to some. And when I first thought about doing it, it did feel a little silly. But I admit, I secretly love this kind of stuff and I have been doing it for years so the initial skepticism never lasts long. I quickly got past the ridiculous and was lucky enough to taste the sublime. And from it, I have been able to extract a simple, yet accurate formula for my life. Here it is: Chances are if it looks ridiculous, foolish, impractical, or slightly embarrassing on the outside, but feels absolutely sacred-sublime, soul-freeing, luminous and joyful on the inside then go for it. The opposite is usually true too--if it looks, sounds and presents as shiny and bright and full of promise on the outside, but feels questionable, empty and contradictory inside, then proceed with great caution. The authentic movement practice has taught me to trust more directly in the currents that move through me from one day to the next. It satisfies my deeper longing to be true to my essential nature and to encourage that unique capacity to lead me forward.

This can be a tough one for the ego to swallow. Most of us don’t want to risk looking foolish to follow our bliss. But sometimes it is necessary; especially if we are hungry for something we have never experienced. This month’s inquiry involves a dare: are you willing to risk looking ridiculous in order to taste the sublime pleasure that comes from trying something completely unknown? What will your authentic movement look like? Is there something you have always wanted to try but are afraid of the awkwardness of being a newbie? If you are feeling extra frisky, try the authentic movement practice that I described above. You can do it in your living room with your dog or even a plant as the witness. Start gently and work your way up to other opportunities for feeling slightly foolish. In many indigenous cultures it was the fool that carried the greatest wisdom and sacrificed popular cultural acceptance for truth telling. The fool is often depicted as the child-like spirit in search of experience and appears to be stepping off the solid precipice of security and common sense. Witold Gombrowicz, the Polish author reminds us: "Foolishness is a twin sister of wisdom." When we can connect with that foolish part of ourselves, we give ourselves and others the gift of permission to play rather than perform; and to collaborate with our soul rather than compete with our ego's expectations. And you never know, it may just lead you to your most authentic heart's longing. 

Shall we dance?  

The Dance 
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.
Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.
Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when
you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .
I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that
help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently
loving
those we once loved out loud.
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make
my heart whole again and again.
Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have
too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.
Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.
And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.
Don’t say, “Yes!”

Just take my hand and dance with me.

Transpersonal Life Coaching

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” ~Rumi

For women who want to access their full potential, I provide transformational tools, practices and programs to support personal healing and self-discovery. I believe that to know yourself and to offer that awareness to the world is the most powerful gift we can give...

    What is Transpersonal Life Coaching?

Transpersonal literally means "beyond the mask." It refers to the understanding that we are at once physical, emotional, intellectual, psychological, ecological, social, creative and spiritual beings. Transpersonal Psychology is a holistic psychology that emphasizes the positive influences that contribute to the growth and development of our greatest human potential. Transpersonal practices aim toward integrating these diverse aspects of ourselves in service of wholeness and healing. Coaching is the art of engaging in meaningful conversation to connect with our desire to create a life based on our core longings and purposeful vision. The transpersonal coaching process is a creative process of authentic self discovery. The coaching relationship provides the unique opportunity to do the "inner" work of compassionately challenging the limiting thoughts, feelings and behavior that keep you from moving forward and invites you to clearly map the practical action steps that will allow you to live more fully into your beauty, strength and power to serve others. 

How is Coaching different from Counseling?

Counseling is often (but not always) geared toward working with dysfunction or pathology and often requires one to process past memories and experiences in order to seek resolution. Coaching is present/future oriented and supports the individual in developing purpose and vision for their lives based on their desires, strengths and values. Grounded in wellness and preventative health, coaching creates a partnership between client and coach where the inherent creativity and resourcefulness of the client is honored. Goal-setting, life planning and envisioning the future are the hallmarks of personal coaching. I believe that the work of true healing, or moving toward wholeness, integrates the two.  

Who is it for?

There may be one or more areas of your life where you are seeking greater fulfillment or clearer vision.Perhaps you are feeling stuck or have been struggling to find an entirely new way of being, no longer satisfied with an improved version of what you have known. You are navigating a life transition or have a sense that there is “something more” that is possible for your life and are seeking support in discovering your unique purpose.  You are curious about connecting with your creativity and exploring spirituality through grounded and integrative practices that can be incorporated into everyday life. Or you already recognize your creative vision or spiritual calling and need guidance in actualizing your dream in the world. If you are curious about this at all, I'd say you are a great candidate!

What can I expect from a session? How many do I need to commit to?

Each session is designed around individual need, but there is a basic framework that can be expected. Once you decide that you would like to schedule a session I will send you a welcome letter that will help you clarify an intention for our time together. I will ask you to spend a bit of time reflecting on a few questions regarding your specific needs and desires. In our first session we will discuss your findings and I will ask even more questions to get to know you and your unique situation more clearly. My intention in the first session is to listen and gather as much information as I can to help you identify what is most important at this time. We will talk facts, feelings and future visions. By the end of the first session you will have a sense of what your heart is seeking and begin to formulate a clear intention around it. Additionally, you will choose what practical action step you can take to support it. My coaching style is very process oriented and I believe that if we want to change our outer lives, we have to begin with what lies inside, both as obstacle and opportunity. The first session will just scratch the surface and that might be enough for you at this time. However, based on my study, research and experience with the transformational process (and creativity in general) I have come to recognize that real growth and transformation unfolds in particular stages and can best be experienced and confirmed over time. For that reason I highly recommend 4-6 week session blocks (1 hr each week). Regardless of what you choose, after our session I will send you a follow up e-mail recapping what we discussed and offer you a suggested "homework" assignment that will aid your process and provide an opportunity for you to take another step forward. 

Here's what a few people have said:  

Jenny’s unique approach to heart centered coaching is a gift. She uses a creative humanistic approach to uncover what you may need to work on. Jenny’s calm demeanor is what has always been appealing to me about her. She is easy to speak to without judgment and cares about your personal progress whatever you may be struggling with. In just one session her creative approach helped me to truly be honest with myself and face some things about myself I have not wanted to deal with for some time.  Clermont, FL 

     The time we spent together was extremely beneficial to me.  I have been struggling with defining exactly what type of work my heart desires.  For months now, I have written, prayed, meditated, discussed with family my inability to focus on exactly what it is I wanted to do.  I was beginning to narrow it down, however, it was our session together that really affirmed it for me.  It was very helpful to create the affirmation with the symbol.  I have had this on my living room table and look at it every day.  You are an awesome listener and you gave me excellent feedback.  I could tell that you really "saw" and "felt" what I was going through.  Not only this, but you have given me excellent ideas to continue my personal growth and development.  I am very much drawn to your idea of empowered choice-making!  I so appreciate your email where you gave me specific ideas and questions to ponder. E.M., Clermont, FL

I realized that before we spoke I was shutting down a bit and closing in.  The space with you let me open up gently and share honestly the way I have been feeling. In our session I felt zero judgment from you and zero judgment from myself ( and that can be the crusher for me).  I honored my feelings and was able to move into the place I want to be feeling: love. Moving into the days after our session, I felt myself being more open in my life after opening with you. Thank You! A.J., New York

A Bit About Me:

I am a mother, yoga teacher and heart-centered healing professional with an insatiable desire to live creatively, naturally, and freely. I have always been fascinated by people and their particular drives and desires. In my own life, the “big” questions of existence, meaning and purpose have been the call that took hold of me at a young age and have served as the main thrust of inquiry behind all of my life, education and work experiences. Empathy, curiosity and a sincere drive for truth are the double edged sword of challenge and blessing that have led me to teach and write about what I have most needed to learn and heal. That is, how to align mind, heart, and body in order to take part in the discovery and creation of the greatest masterpiece of all: the full expression of our unique essence in the world. I consider myself a "recovering artist" and I credit my commitment to engaging with the creative process on a daily basis to be a major contributing factor in my own healing. My passion for personal growth, creativity and spirituality led me to earn my Master's Degree in Transpersonal Psychology, a holistic framework for psychospiritual development. My specialization is in Creativity and Innovation and I guide others through their unique process of transformation utilizing the tools of personal coaching, yoga practices, body-based inquiry, mindfulness and expressive arts therapy. My mantra has become Let the Longing Lead. I would be honored to support you in your life journey! You can learn more about me here: https://pathbrite.com/jennyclarke. For more details or to schedule a session contact me at jzaga1@aol.com.

Note to self: Leave Some Space

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you--just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.” 
~Shel Silverstein

With school finished and summer in swing, I am finding a restful balance between pool time with my kiddos, play time in my studio, catching up with friends, mindless stints watching the second season of Orange is the New Black and a bit of creative envisioning for my next steps. It feels so refreshing and a bit disorienting to have so much "free" time! For the last two years my life involved a careful and somewhat neurotic orchestration of details to ensure that both school assignments and everyday life responsibilities were fulfilled. Now I am relishing in the   S P A C E   that has been created in both my psyche and schedule.

I am poignantly aware of how good it feels to have this kind of expanse in my days and that my natural tendency is to take on "more" often because I see that I can. Additionally, as I look back over the course of my life, it's clear that I am drawn toward intense long term projects that will catalyze growth or learning. I love deep immersion experiences that lead to powerful transformations. I've just completed another one and for now I am satisfied with simple and straightforward. I am intentionally leaving some space in each day to do nothing. And it's hard. Just sit or lie down. No walking, no yoga, no deep breathing, no doodling, no eating or chewing gum. At least 5 minutes committed to nothing. I am learning the beauty of leaving a little empty room inside of my crowded mind and life because it feels good. Emptiness has a presence that calls to me right now. I am reminded of a suggestion offered in Sufi healing. When someone is sick the first place that healing is directed is toward the gut. It is believed that the stomach is where most illness begins and it can be treated by caring for our digestion through the quantity and quality of food that we consume. The Sufi healing way is to fill 1/3 of the stomach with food, 1/3 with water and to leave 1/3 empty. The deeper wisdom of healing lies in leaving some empty space in order to allow ourselves to experience a tinge of hunger or thirst as a way of remembering our greater need for true fulfillment from the Divine. There is a similar theme in Zen with the practice of oryoki, the ceremonial meal taken during long meditation intensives. Oryoki means "that which contains just enough" and is symbolized by the Buddha bowl that a monk receives at ordination. I have been fortunate enough to experience oryoki first hand when I lived at the San Francisco Zen Center. I recall being moved by the process of lining up the bowls, chanting, eating, cleaning and wrapping the bowls. Everyone begins and ends the ritual at the same time and the everyday act of eating becomes a sacred event that teaches about this idea of enough. "The aim is not to drink until you are so full that you never have to drink again; the aim is to cultivate the perfect thirst, so that you never stop drinking" says the Sufi proverb. Begin to consider for yourself: What is enough?

I am also aware of the fact that something(s) comes from nothing. There is so much that is inspiring me to action and I am waking up each morning with new ideas that propel me onward to fashioning my future. One of my latest creative explorations was inspired by the way I am always writing notes or reminders to myself. Pick up contact lenses, return library books, order the birthday cake, meet Nancy at 4. . . . I would be lost without those little navigational scraps of paper. But recently playing around in my studio, I found myself making different reminders to myself. These were simple reminders of what's really important or something my little (s)elf needed to hear from my bigger (S)elf. Thus began a series of index card sized impressions that serve as soulful expressions to offer a wider perspective. I place them in the car or on the counter next to my on-going to-do lists as a way of remembering my deeper wisdom and purpose.

It's your turn to give it a try. You do not need fancy art supplies or a lot of time to do this. You could just hand write a simple message to yourself that speaks from your heart in the moment. I'll share with you my process. My daughter even joined me in the note making fun today!

Gather a few supplies: Index cards or watercolor paper cut into squares, watercolor paint (I use kids Crayola), crayons or markers, stamps, scraps of paper, glue, decorative tape. Anything you have on hand is fine. (Note: if you use watercolor paint, you will need watercolor paper). 

  
Paint a simple background with a couple of colors and let it dry:

Begin to add any stickers, tape or stamps to decorate:

Finally, pause for a moment and check in--what word or words come to you from your wise wonderful Self to your personal self that is often busy managing the many details of your current life? Go with what comes and try not to think too hard about it:

Here is my finished product from today:

Here is my daughter's note:

This simple practice reminds me of what I value--time to reflect, explore and to leave plenty of space to appreciate just where I am. It offers a complimentary perspective to the busy-ness of everyday demands and connects me to my soul longings. This feels like the perfect summer activity. It provides the opportunity to savor the moments of this season with its longer, slower paced days and some much needed time off. I hope that you make some space in your own life to remember what you value, create something small from it, and then leave some space to lie down and do nothing! Happy Summer! xo   

The Whole Picture

The timing of this month's post happens to be in sync with the completion of my two year journey to earning my Master's degree in Transpersonal Psychology! 

It's official--I'm done. 

Over the course of the last month I have been busy finishing up my final thesis paper on creativity and healing and creating my portfolio which highlights my experience and passion. I have been amazed to see how all of the pieces have fit together to create a complete picture of who I am and what I have to offer the world. Of course all endings are arbitrary, as we are in a constant state of evolution, but for now I feel a sense of wholeness and peace.

My deepest desire is to share what I have learned. I hope to support others in their unique journey to becoming whole. I am excited to expand my professional offering to include individual life coaching/personal healing sessions along with group workshops to teach and explore themes in transpersonal psychology, creative process and self-discovery. 

I plan on taking the summer "off" to rest and digest, to be with my family, attempt to cook meals again, read fiction, make messes in my home art studio, and spend less time in the virtual world and more in the actual one. I'll be creating space for my next adventure. I'm already working on putting together my first workshops that I hope to roll out by September. So stay tuned! In the meantime please check out my portfolio and share it with anyone who you think may resonate. I am profoundly grateful to all that have supported my metamorphosis--especially my family, my mentors, and fellow students who have given me one the greatest gifts with regard to personal transformation--a reminder that we cannot, and are not meant to, make this journey alone.

https://pathbrite.com/jennyclarke

With gratitude and appreciation for all of you. . . .

Here's to seeing the whole picture of your own beautiful life and being inspired!

Waking Up to the Dream

Pilar Zeta: Falling in Love with the Dark Side of the Universe

This place is a dream. 
Only a sleeper considers it real.
Then death comes like dawn, 
and you wake up laughing 
at what you thought was your grief.
But there's a difference with this dream. 
Everything cruel and unconscious
done in the illusion of the present world,
all that does not fade away at the death-waking.
It stays, 
and it must be interpreted.

~Rumi from "The Dream that Must Be Interpreted"

“Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.” 
~Antonio Machado

Carl Jung called dreams “the royal road to the unconscious” and considered them one of the best opportunities to communicate with the vast unknown landscape of our inner world. Over the course of the last two years I have committed to keeping a dream journal where I record my nocturnal stories. The the themes that I have recognized and insights that I have uncovered are truly remarkable. My last and final class for graduate school is on Transpersonal approaches to dreaming and I had the good fortune of attending a workshop on the subject when I was in California in January of this year. Jeremy Taylor, who taught the workshop, wrote the book The Wisdom of Your Dreams: Using Dreams to Tap Into Your Unconscious and Transform Your Life. He is a true master of dream interpretation and offers decades of dreamwork experience in helping people decode the often abstract and disjointed material of a dream. He supports the view that, just as many indigenous cultures practiced, we too can benefit from sharing our dreams in a group setting to help uncover deeper layers of the dream. In this way dreams support not only our personal, but our collective growth as well. 

Taylor articulates ten basic assumptions about dreams that I will share here as a foundation to learning about how to view and work with your own dreams:

1. All dreams come in service of health and wholeness.
2. No dream comes just to tell the dreamer what he or she already knows.
3. Only the dreamer can say with any certainty what meanings his or her dream may hold.
4. The dreamer’s aha of recognition is a function of previously unconscious memory and is the only reliable touchstone of dream work.
5. There is no such thing as a dream with only one meaning. 
6. All dreams speak a universal language of metaphor and symbol.
7. All dreams reflect inborn creativity and ability to face and solve life’s problems. 
8. All dreams reflect society as a whole, as well as the dreamer’s relationship to it.
9. Working with dreams regularly improves relationships with friends, lovers, partners, parents, children, and others.
10. Working with dreams in groups builds community, intimacy, and support and begins to impact society as a whole.

To recognize that ALL dreams come in the service of health and wholeness is an important starting point. Dreams range in tone from mundane to terrifying and Taylor posits that “bad” dreams are really just a mechanism of the unconscious to help bring attention to some important information for our lives. It’s difficult to forget a troubling or recurring dream. 

If you really want to begin to work with the material of your dreams begin to set your intention at night before you go to sleep. Tell yourself that you want to remember your dreams. Try to record the dream first thing upon waking before you do anything else and write the dream as if it were happening in the moment. Get it down in as much detail as you are able to recollect. The next thing I do is give the dream a title. This, in itself, can be revealing. Look at the dream sentence by sentence--jot down anything that  comes to you as you read and think about it. A couple of questions that I have begun to ask regularly are “why now?” or “how does this dream speak to my life currently?” There is a reason for it showing up in my life at this particular time and I try to identify my associations. The other thing to keep in mind is that each part of your dream represents an aspect of your psyche. Try putting yourself in each role and and note what you observe. Is there one dream character that you relate to more than another? Very often the material of our dreams will provide access to our shadow qualities--the parts of ourselves that we have disowned or repressed. I have found that the personal transformation that results from honoring my dreams has come almost simply through the willingness to pay attention; to notice and take the time to listen without judgement to the diversity of voices within me. I don’t approach my dreams analytically with a need to “figure them out,” but rather with a curious and compassionate presence that is willing to contain even what I do not yet understand. I have deep respect for the mystery of dreams and try not to presume that “I know.” When I can suspend my need for certainty, then I remain open to learning more. I think it’s clear that all of these lessons and assumptions can apply to the “waking” dream as well. 

Sharing dreams with another is an intimate and sacred experience. It is important to hold them with respect and one of the guidelines that is imperative in responding to the dream of another is to recognize it as your projection of the dream. When we did our dream work together whenever we responded to a dreamer we were taught to begin with the words: “In my imagined version of the dream. . . “ or “My projection of your dream is. . .” This way we are able to take responsibility for the awareness the dream material may contain for us while offering a different perspective of the dream that may prove helpful for another. It becomes so clear when investigating dreams this way, how there are universal themes that resonate with all of us at some point in our lives. Dreams speak in the language of image, symbol and metaphor. Learning to decipher our dreams is like learning a new language and with practice it becomes more familiar.

I have come to strongly believe that for any personal healing to be complete, it must involve the cultivation of a relationship to the unconscious. This is especially important in the case of an illness or dis-ease that seems to persist despite our best efforts to heal. To become whole, integrated human beings we must carve pathways to our depths and mine the treasures that lie below the surface of our habitual patterns of operating. 

This month commit to recording your dreams. Keep a journal and pen next to your bed and take a few minutes upon waking to write anything you recall--even if it’s only a fragment or two. Give it a title. Ask “why now?” In what way does this dream speak to your current life situation? Pick a few key images or people from your dream and list any associations that you make when you think of that thing. Employ your senses--what feelings, colors, smells, tastes, etc. do you remember? Pay attention to details--for example, what was the name of the book lying on the table in your dream or what did your aunt’s t-shirt say? You can draw your dream or use images from magazines to create a collage as well. If you are inclined, share the dream with someone and ask them to respond as if it were their dream and see if you gain any new insights. I don't suggest using the dream interpretation dictionaries--instead, let the dream speak to you specifically and personally. I am open and would love to listen and respond to any dreams that you might want to share with me here or privately. 

As Carl Jung says, "The dream harbors no desire to distort or hide, any more than a flower or stone. . . ." By paying attention to our dreams we can gain clarity, guidance, healing and ultimately by bringing that conscious awareness to our daily lives we can transform the reality of our waking life. 

Sweet dreams!

Collage from a dream I titled Looking for my family