The Ridiculous and the Sublime: A Formula for Authentic Living

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.--Colette

Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else ... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. --Hermann Hesse

I have been reminded on more than one occasion recently that when you want something vastly unlike that which you have ever known, it is often (always) necessary to do some thing (usually several) that you have never tried. And you might feel ridiculous in the process. 

I am reminded of one particular experience that I had last year when I was in California for a seminar for graduate school. I had just made the decision to follow my hungry heart to the Creativity and Innovation specialization. Making that decision in itself marked an important turning point that I have written about previously. Just an hour or so after officially changing my specialization, I found myself in a room with other artists casually joined around a circle. There were a handful of us gathered with my mentor, Nancy Rowe. I exhaled completely in their company, fulfilled by just being in their wordless midst. Nancy had several papers strewn across the floor and none of them had the information that she wanted to give us. She laughed easily and comfortably about organization and paperwork not being her strength. I relaxed even more. There were a pile of instruments in the middle of the circle and she suggested that instead of staying in that stuffy room, we take ourselves and those instruments down to the redwoods and reconvene. Oh yes, I was in the right place. 

Our week long seminars were hosted by an old Catholic convent where a few elderly and hospitable nuns still live to this day. The grounds are beautiful--actually only a few miles from the busy highway, but cloistered by the enormous trees and hills characteristic of the Bay Area. There is a small pond on the property and miles of hiking trails. My favorite spot is an outdoor amphitheater that overlooks the pond and is encircled by huge redwoods. If you have ever encountered hundred year old redwoods, then you know something of the presence of holiness and majesty. Their stature and strength are matched by their beauty and grace. To be in their presence; to sit or stand with your body pressed against the rough red bark is a true healing experience. Our group of merry minstrels gathered there for a creative exploration of epic proportions. 

My dear friend Lindsay was among the group. She, too, at the eleventh hour had decided to switch specializations and celebrate her creative coming out with me. I was overjoyed to have her with me there. Our lives have many parallels--we both reluctantly exchanged a transient, independent life in California for a more affordable 1/4 acre in Florida to plant our roots and have babies. Our kiddos are almost exactly the same age and we are both yoga teachers becoming life coaches slowly becoming more of ourselves each day. Lindsay, the rest of the group and I were gathered in the natural amphitheater mid day and Nancy suggested that we begin with some specific voice work of which she was only sure of a few details. She recruited one of the singers from the group to lead the half-understood practice. We sectioned off into groups and began sounding in a round. The first group began and then the next and so on, until we were all creating different sounds at varying times. A bystander might not have been impressed (only embarrassed for us) but you know it didn’t sound that bad from where I sat. Perhaps the trees absorbed some of the sound, mercifully buffering us from ourselves. 

The next creative exploration we practiced was one that Nancy has dedicated many years to working with and one I have grown to appreciate immensely. It’s an improvisational expressive movement practice called Authentic Movement.  It was developed in the 1950’s by a woman named Mary Starks Whitehouse, a student of the famed dancer Martha Graham. Whitehouse became a psychotherapist that used dance therapy with many of her psychiatric patients. The instructions are simple--begin with eyes closed and take a few moments to connect to the body-mind processes. Wait for some kind of stimulus or impulse and then begin to move from whatever arises. It is a spontaneous experience with no expectation or direction outside of your own felt sense. As Whitehouse explains, "When the movement was simple and inevitable, not to be changed no matter how limited or partial, it became what I called 'authentic' – it could be recognized as genuine, belonging to that person." The authentic movement experience often involves both the mover and a witness. While one person moves, another observes or “contains” the one moving without judgement or interpretation. Both people become active participants in the experience. For many, like Nancy, who has written about and taught authentic movement for years, it is nothing less than a spiritual practice. 

We all spread out on the deck below the redwoods leaving ample space for our neighbors as Nancy said a few words to lead us into the experience. We would be moving for ten minutes and she would let us know when the time was up. Ten minutes?! I caught Lindsay’s eye out of the corner of mine and we shared the smile that spoke the same language: “If only they could see us now. . .  this is EXACTLY what they all imagine we do when we come to California. . . have I lost my mind?. . . I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.” We closed our eyes, cutting off the telepathic communication and I took a deep breath. I began to move at first superficially and then more sensitively as I attuned to my body and breath. Within a few minutes the most amazing thing happened. I forgot about the others, and the pond, and the trees and Nancy, and my silly thoughts. I moved and at a certain point that I cannot clearly identify, I was moved not by own volition. I surrendered to whatever it was that had been waiting for me to receive the invitation to dance. When I opened my eyes after ten minutes I was awed to the core. Gratefully we were not asked to speak about it just yet. We were guided to paper and a variety of colorful pastel crayons and invited to draw the experience. I picked a few colors and let them sweep across the page effortlessly. This was a new feeling for me, as I tend to resist and contract internally when I hold a crayon or paintbrush. And then we were invited back into movement again, exploring the dance from the perspective of our drawing. 

Perhaps you are one of my friends in California reading this, in which case none of this sounds unusual or even that enlightening. Redwoods, vocal sounding, authentic movement. . . been there, done that, created a job from it. However, for most people that I encounter each day in my small suburban city, this sounds downright crazy. I can hear them saying, “Which one is the psychiatric patient?” Yes, I know it looks and sounds ridiculous to some. And when I first thought about doing it, it did feel a little silly. But I admit, I secretly love this kind of stuff and I have been doing it for years so the initial skepticism never lasts long. I quickly got past the ridiculous and was lucky enough to taste the sublime. And from it, I have been able to extract a simple, yet accurate formula for my life. Here it is: Chances are if it looks ridiculous, foolish, impractical, or slightly embarrassing on the outside, but feels absolutely sacred-sublime, soul-freeing, luminous and joyful on the inside then go for it. The opposite is usually true too--if it looks, sounds and presents as shiny and bright and full of promise on the outside, but feels questionable, empty and contradictory inside, then proceed with great caution. The authentic movement practice has taught me to trust more directly in the currents that move through me from one day to the next. It satisfies my deeper longing to be true to my essential nature and to encourage that unique capacity to lead me forward.

This can be a tough one for the ego to swallow. Most of us don’t want to risk looking foolish to follow our bliss. But sometimes it is necessary; especially if we are hungry for something we have never experienced. This month’s inquiry involves a dare: are you willing to risk looking ridiculous in order to taste the sublime pleasure that comes from trying something completely unknown? What will your authentic movement look like? Is there something you have always wanted to try but are afraid of the awkwardness of being a newbie? If you are feeling extra frisky, try the authentic movement practice that I described above. You can do it in your living room with your dog or even a plant as the witness. Start gently and work your way up to other opportunities for feeling slightly foolish. In many indigenous cultures it was the fool that carried the greatest wisdom and sacrificed popular cultural acceptance for truth telling. The fool is often depicted as the child-like spirit in search of experience and appears to be stepping off the solid precipice of security and common sense. Witold Gombrowicz, the Polish author reminds us: "Foolishness is a twin sister of wisdom." When we can connect with that foolish part of ourselves, we give ourselves and others the gift of permission to play rather than perform; and to collaborate with our soul rather than compete with our ego's expectations. And you never know, it may just lead you to your most authentic heart's longing. 

Shall we dance?  

The Dance 
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.
Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.
Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when
you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .
I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that
help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently
loving
those we once loved out loud.
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make
my heart whole again and again.
Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have
too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.
Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.
And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.
Don’t say, “Yes!”

Just take my hand and dance with me.

Transpersonal Life Coaching

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” ~Rumi

For women who want to access their full potential, I provide transformational tools, practices and programs to support personal healing and self-discovery. I believe that to know yourself and to offer that awareness to the world is the most powerful gift we can give...

    What is Transpersonal Life Coaching?

Transpersonal literally means "beyond the mask." It refers to the understanding that we are at once physical, emotional, intellectual, psychological, ecological, social, creative and spiritual beings. Transpersonal Psychology is a holistic psychology that emphasizes the positive influences that contribute to the growth and development of our greatest human potential. Transpersonal practices aim toward integrating these diverse aspects of ourselves in service of wholeness and healing. Coaching is the art of engaging in meaningful conversation to connect with our desire to create a life based on our core longings and purposeful vision. The transpersonal coaching process is a creative process of authentic self discovery. The coaching relationship provides the unique opportunity to do the "inner" work of compassionately challenging the limiting thoughts, feelings and behavior that keep you from moving forward and invites you to clearly map the practical action steps that will allow you to live more fully into your beauty, strength and power to serve others. 

How is Coaching different from Counseling?

Counseling is often (but not always) geared toward working with dysfunction or pathology and often requires one to process past memories and experiences in order to seek resolution. Coaching is present/future oriented and supports the individual in developing purpose and vision for their lives based on their desires, strengths and values. Grounded in wellness and preventative health, coaching creates a partnership between client and coach where the inherent creativity and resourcefulness of the client is honored. Goal-setting, life planning and envisioning the future are the hallmarks of personal coaching. I believe that the work of true healing, or moving toward wholeness, integrates the two.  

Who is it for?

There may be one or more areas of your life where you are seeking greater fulfillment or clearer vision.Perhaps you are feeling stuck or have been struggling to find an entirely new way of being, no longer satisfied with an improved version of what you have known. You are navigating a life transition or have a sense that there is “something more” that is possible for your life and are seeking support in discovering your unique purpose.  You are curious about connecting with your creativity and exploring spirituality through grounded and integrative practices that can be incorporated into everyday life. Or you already recognize your creative vision or spiritual calling and need guidance in actualizing your dream in the world. If you are curious about this at all, I'd say you are a great candidate!

What can I expect from a session? How many do I need to commit to?

Each session is designed around individual need, but there is a basic framework that can be expected. Once you decide that you would like to schedule a session I will send you a welcome letter that will help you clarify an intention for our time together. I will ask you to spend a bit of time reflecting on a few questions regarding your specific needs and desires. In our first session we will discuss your findings and I will ask even more questions to get to know you and your unique situation more clearly. My intention in the first session is to listen and gather as much information as I can to help you identify what is most important at this time. We will talk facts, feelings and future visions. By the end of the first session you will have a sense of what your heart is seeking and begin to formulate a clear intention around it. Additionally, you will choose what practical action step you can take to support it. My coaching style is very process oriented and I believe that if we want to change our outer lives, we have to begin with what lies inside, both as obstacle and opportunity. The first session will just scratch the surface and that might be enough for you at this time. However, based on my study, research and experience with the transformational process (and creativity in general) I have come to recognize that real growth and transformation unfolds in particular stages and can best be experienced and confirmed over time. For that reason I highly recommend 4-6 week session blocks (1 hr each week). Regardless of what you choose, after our session I will send you a follow up e-mail recapping what we discussed and offer you a suggested "homework" assignment that will aid your process and provide an opportunity for you to take another step forward. 

Here's what a few people have said:  

Jenny’s unique approach to heart centered coaching is a gift. She uses a creative humanistic approach to uncover what you may need to work on. Jenny’s calm demeanor is what has always been appealing to me about her. She is easy to speak to without judgment and cares about your personal progress whatever you may be struggling with. In just one session her creative approach helped me to truly be honest with myself and face some things about myself I have not wanted to deal with for some time.  Clermont, FL 

     The time we spent together was extremely beneficial to me.  I have been struggling with defining exactly what type of work my heart desires.  For months now, I have written, prayed, meditated, discussed with family my inability to focus on exactly what it is I wanted to do.  I was beginning to narrow it down, however, it was our session together that really affirmed it for me.  It was very helpful to create the affirmation with the symbol.  I have had this on my living room table and look at it every day.  You are an awesome listener and you gave me excellent feedback.  I could tell that you really "saw" and "felt" what I was going through.  Not only this, but you have given me excellent ideas to continue my personal growth and development.  I am very much drawn to your idea of empowered choice-making!  I so appreciate your email where you gave me specific ideas and questions to ponder. E.M., Clermont, FL

I realized that before we spoke I was shutting down a bit and closing in.  The space with you let me open up gently and share honestly the way I have been feeling. In our session I felt zero judgment from you and zero judgment from myself ( and that can be the crusher for me).  I honored my feelings and was able to move into the place I want to be feeling: love. Moving into the days after our session, I felt myself being more open in my life after opening with you. Thank You! A.J., New York

A Bit About Me:

I am a mother, yoga teacher and heart-centered healing professional with an insatiable desire to live creatively, naturally, and freely. I have always been fascinated by people and their particular drives and desires. In my own life, the “big” questions of existence, meaning and purpose have been the call that took hold of me at a young age and have served as the main thrust of inquiry behind all of my life, education and work experiences. Empathy, curiosity and a sincere drive for truth are the double edged sword of challenge and blessing that have led me to teach and write about what I have most needed to learn and heal. That is, how to align mind, heart, and body in order to take part in the discovery and creation of the greatest masterpiece of all: the full expression of our unique essence in the world. I consider myself a "recovering artist" and I credit my commitment to engaging with the creative process on a daily basis to be a major contributing factor in my own healing. My passion for personal growth, creativity and spirituality led me to earn my Master's Degree in Transpersonal Psychology, a holistic framework for psychospiritual development. My specialization is in Creativity and Innovation and I guide others through their unique process of transformation utilizing the tools of personal coaching, yoga practices, body-based inquiry, mindfulness and expressive arts therapy. My mantra has become Let the Longing Lead. I would be honored to support you in your life journey! You can learn more about me here: https://pathbrite.com/jennyclarke. For more details or to schedule a session contact me at jzaga1@aol.com.

Note to self: Leave Some Space

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you--just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.” 
~Shel Silverstein

With school finished and summer in swing, I am finding a restful balance between pool time with my kiddos, play time in my studio, catching up with friends, mindless stints watching the second season of Orange is the New Black and a bit of creative envisioning for my next steps. It feels so refreshing and a bit disorienting to have so much "free" time! For the last two years my life involved a careful and somewhat neurotic orchestration of details to ensure that both school assignments and everyday life responsibilities were fulfilled. Now I am relishing in the   S P A C E   that has been created in both my psyche and schedule.

I am poignantly aware of how good it feels to have this kind of expanse in my days and that my natural tendency is to take on "more" often because I see that I can. Additionally, as I look back over the course of my life, it's clear that I am drawn toward intense long term projects that will catalyze growth or learning. I love deep immersion experiences that lead to powerful transformations. I've just completed another one and for now I am satisfied with simple and straightforward. I am intentionally leaving some space in each day to do nothing. And it's hard. Just sit or lie down. No walking, no yoga, no deep breathing, no doodling, no eating or chewing gum. At least 5 minutes committed to nothing. I am learning the beauty of leaving a little empty room inside of my crowded mind and life because it feels good. Emptiness has a presence that calls to me right now. I am reminded of a suggestion offered in Sufi healing. When someone is sick the first place that healing is directed is toward the gut. It is believed that the stomach is where most illness begins and it can be treated by caring for our digestion through the quantity and quality of food that we consume. The Sufi healing way is to fill 1/3 of the stomach with food, 1/3 with water and to leave 1/3 empty. The deeper wisdom of healing lies in leaving some empty space in order to allow ourselves to experience a tinge of hunger or thirst as a way of remembering our greater need for true fulfillment from the Divine. There is a similar theme in Zen with the practice of oryoki, the ceremonial meal taken during long meditation intensives. Oryoki means "that which contains just enough" and is symbolized by the Buddha bowl that a monk receives at ordination. I have been fortunate enough to experience oryoki first hand when I lived at the San Francisco Zen Center. I recall being moved by the process of lining up the bowls, chanting, eating, cleaning and wrapping the bowls. Everyone begins and ends the ritual at the same time and the everyday act of eating becomes a sacred event that teaches about this idea of enough. "The aim is not to drink until you are so full that you never have to drink again; the aim is to cultivate the perfect thirst, so that you never stop drinking" says the Sufi proverb. Begin to consider for yourself: What is enough?

I am also aware of the fact that something(s) comes from nothing. There is so much that is inspiring me to action and I am waking up each morning with new ideas that propel me onward to fashioning my future. One of my latest creative explorations was inspired by the way I am always writing notes or reminders to myself. Pick up contact lenses, return library books, order the birthday cake, meet Nancy at 4. . . . I would be lost without those little navigational scraps of paper. But recently playing around in my studio, I found myself making different reminders to myself. These were simple reminders of what's really important or something my little (s)elf needed to hear from my bigger (S)elf. Thus began a series of index card sized impressions that serve as soulful expressions to offer a wider perspective. I place them in the car or on the counter next to my on-going to-do lists as a way of remembering my deeper wisdom and purpose.

It's your turn to give it a try. You do not need fancy art supplies or a lot of time to do this. You could just hand write a simple message to yourself that speaks from your heart in the moment. I'll share with you my process. My daughter even joined me in the note making fun today!

Gather a few supplies: Index cards or watercolor paper cut into squares, watercolor paint (I use kids Crayola), crayons or markers, stamps, scraps of paper, glue, decorative tape. Anything you have on hand is fine. (Note: if you use watercolor paint, you will need watercolor paper). 

  
Paint a simple background with a couple of colors and let it dry:

Begin to add any stickers, tape or stamps to decorate:

Finally, pause for a moment and check in--what word or words come to you from your wise wonderful Self to your personal self that is often busy managing the many details of your current life? Go with what comes and try not to think too hard about it:

Here is my finished product from today:

Here is my daughter's note:

This simple practice reminds me of what I value--time to reflect, explore and to leave plenty of space to appreciate just where I am. It offers a complimentary perspective to the busy-ness of everyday demands and connects me to my soul longings. This feels like the perfect summer activity. It provides the opportunity to savor the moments of this season with its longer, slower paced days and some much needed time off. I hope that you make some space in your own life to remember what you value, create something small from it, and then leave some space to lie down and do nothing! Happy Summer! xo   

The Whole Picture

The timing of this month's post happens to be in sync with the completion of my two year journey to earning my Master's degree in Transpersonal Psychology! 

It's official--I'm done. 

Over the course of the last month I have been busy finishing up my final thesis paper on creativity and healing and creating my portfolio which highlights my experience and passion. I have been amazed to see how all of the pieces have fit together to create a complete picture of who I am and what I have to offer the world. Of course all endings are arbitrary, as we are in a constant state of evolution, but for now I feel a sense of wholeness and peace.

My deepest desire is to share what I have learned. I hope to support others in their unique journey to becoming whole. I am excited to expand my professional offering to include individual life coaching/personal healing sessions along with group workshops to teach and explore themes in transpersonal psychology, creative process and self-discovery. 

I plan on taking the summer "off" to rest and digest, to be with my family, attempt to cook meals again, read fiction, make messes in my home art studio, and spend less time in the virtual world and more in the actual one. I'll be creating space for my next adventure. I'm already working on putting together my first workshops that I hope to roll out by September. So stay tuned! In the meantime please check out my portfolio and share it with anyone who you think may resonate. I am profoundly grateful to all that have supported my metamorphosis--especially my family, my mentors, and fellow students who have given me one the greatest gifts with regard to personal transformation--a reminder that we cannot, and are not meant to, make this journey alone.

https://pathbrite.com/jennyclarke

With gratitude and appreciation for all of you. . . .

Here's to seeing the whole picture of your own beautiful life and being inspired!

Waking Up to the Dream

Pilar Zeta: Falling in Love with the Dark Side of the Universe

This place is a dream. 
Only a sleeper considers it real.
Then death comes like dawn, 
and you wake up laughing 
at what you thought was your grief.
But there's a difference with this dream. 
Everything cruel and unconscious
done in the illusion of the present world,
all that does not fade away at the death-waking.
It stays, 
and it must be interpreted.

~Rumi from "The Dream that Must Be Interpreted"

“Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.” 
~Antonio Machado

Carl Jung called dreams “the royal road to the unconscious” and considered them one of the best opportunities to communicate with the vast unknown landscape of our inner world. Over the course of the last two years I have committed to keeping a dream journal where I record my nocturnal stories. The the themes that I have recognized and insights that I have uncovered are truly remarkable. My last and final class for graduate school is on Transpersonal approaches to dreaming and I had the good fortune of attending a workshop on the subject when I was in California in January of this year. Jeremy Taylor, who taught the workshop, wrote the book The Wisdom of Your Dreams: Using Dreams to Tap Into Your Unconscious and Transform Your Life. He is a true master of dream interpretation and offers decades of dreamwork experience in helping people decode the often abstract and disjointed material of a dream. He supports the view that, just as many indigenous cultures practiced, we too can benefit from sharing our dreams in a group setting to help uncover deeper layers of the dream. In this way dreams support not only our personal, but our collective growth as well. 

Taylor articulates ten basic assumptions about dreams that I will share here as a foundation to learning about how to view and work with your own dreams:

1. All dreams come in service of health and wholeness.
2. No dream comes just to tell the dreamer what he or she already knows.
3. Only the dreamer can say with any certainty what meanings his or her dream may hold.
4. The dreamer’s aha of recognition is a function of previously unconscious memory and is the only reliable touchstone of dream work.
5. There is no such thing as a dream with only one meaning. 
6. All dreams speak a universal language of metaphor and symbol.
7. All dreams reflect inborn creativity and ability to face and solve life’s problems. 
8. All dreams reflect society as a whole, as well as the dreamer’s relationship to it.
9. Working with dreams regularly improves relationships with friends, lovers, partners, parents, children, and others.
10. Working with dreams in groups builds community, intimacy, and support and begins to impact society as a whole.

To recognize that ALL dreams come in the service of health and wholeness is an important starting point. Dreams range in tone from mundane to terrifying and Taylor posits that “bad” dreams are really just a mechanism of the unconscious to help bring attention to some important information for our lives. It’s difficult to forget a troubling or recurring dream. 

If you really want to begin to work with the material of your dreams begin to set your intention at night before you go to sleep. Tell yourself that you want to remember your dreams. Try to record the dream first thing upon waking before you do anything else and write the dream as if it were happening in the moment. Get it down in as much detail as you are able to recollect. The next thing I do is give the dream a title. This, in itself, can be revealing. Look at the dream sentence by sentence--jot down anything that  comes to you as you read and think about it. A couple of questions that I have begun to ask regularly are “why now?” or “how does this dream speak to my life currently?” There is a reason for it showing up in my life at this particular time and I try to identify my associations. The other thing to keep in mind is that each part of your dream represents an aspect of your psyche. Try putting yourself in each role and and note what you observe. Is there one dream character that you relate to more than another? Very often the material of our dreams will provide access to our shadow qualities--the parts of ourselves that we have disowned or repressed. I have found that the personal transformation that results from honoring my dreams has come almost simply through the willingness to pay attention; to notice and take the time to listen without judgement to the diversity of voices within me. I don’t approach my dreams analytically with a need to “figure them out,” but rather with a curious and compassionate presence that is willing to contain even what I do not yet understand. I have deep respect for the mystery of dreams and try not to presume that “I know.” When I can suspend my need for certainty, then I remain open to learning more. I think it’s clear that all of these lessons and assumptions can apply to the “waking” dream as well. 

Sharing dreams with another is an intimate and sacred experience. It is important to hold them with respect and one of the guidelines that is imperative in responding to the dream of another is to recognize it as your projection of the dream. When we did our dream work together whenever we responded to a dreamer we were taught to begin with the words: “In my imagined version of the dream. . . “ or “My projection of your dream is. . .” This way we are able to take responsibility for the awareness the dream material may contain for us while offering a different perspective of the dream that may prove helpful for another. It becomes so clear when investigating dreams this way, how there are universal themes that resonate with all of us at some point in our lives. Dreams speak in the language of image, symbol and metaphor. Learning to decipher our dreams is like learning a new language and with practice it becomes more familiar.

I have come to strongly believe that for any personal healing to be complete, it must involve the cultivation of a relationship to the unconscious. This is especially important in the case of an illness or dis-ease that seems to persist despite our best efforts to heal. To become whole, integrated human beings we must carve pathways to our depths and mine the treasures that lie below the surface of our habitual patterns of operating. 

This month commit to recording your dreams. Keep a journal and pen next to your bed and take a few minutes upon waking to write anything you recall--even if it’s only a fragment or two. Give it a title. Ask “why now?” In what way does this dream speak to your current life situation? Pick a few key images or people from your dream and list any associations that you make when you think of that thing. Employ your senses--what feelings, colors, smells, tastes, etc. do you remember? Pay attention to details--for example, what was the name of the book lying on the table in your dream or what did your aunt’s t-shirt say? You can draw your dream or use images from magazines to create a collage as well. If you are inclined, share the dream with someone and ask them to respond as if it were their dream and see if you gain any new insights. I don't suggest using the dream interpretation dictionaries--instead, let the dream speak to you specifically and personally. I am open and would love to listen and respond to any dreams that you might want to share with me here or privately. 

As Carl Jung says, "The dream harbors no desire to distort or hide, any more than a flower or stone. . . ." By paying attention to our dreams we can gain clarity, guidance, healing and ultimately by bringing that conscious awareness to our daily lives we can transform the reality of our waking life. 

Sweet dreams!

Collage from a dream I titled Looking for my family

Finding Rhythm, Keeping Time

Flamenco by: Justyna Kopania

“Now I am going to reveal to you something which is very pure, a totally white thought. It is always in my heart; it blooms at each of my steps... The Dance is love, it is only love, it alone, and that is enough... I, then, it is amorously that I dance: to poems, to music but now I would like to no longer dance to anything but the rhythm of my soul.” 
~Isadora Duncan

Give up the known way; offer yourself to the eternal unknown. Swim there in the cool blue waters of faith where the only pleasure is in the truth that speaks not an answer but holds alive the questions of your beating heart. Dance there on the grave of your sorrows. Triumph in the song of this new way. Give up the pursuit that makes you weary. Trade in the old dusty fantasies. Open the window wider and listen to the breeze sing. Your soul is waking up to the deeper rhythm. Do not despair. The One you long for is here. Open the window wider so He can blow His breath into your heart. Open wider the window of your soul. Breathe in good things to come. . . .

That snippet from my journal was written on a recent picture perfect Spring day when all the windows were open and fresh air blew through my home.  I feel beckoned these days to open more generously to what is moving toward me now. This month I will turn 40 and I feel as though an entirely new journey lies on the horizon of the next decade of my life. I have spent the last couple of years sorting through the memories and experiences of my past; releasing and rewriting the stories and extracting the wisdom of all that has transpired. I've carefully and compassionately examined the deep patterns of habit and thought that keep me bound. I have been involved in the daily labor of building an inner bridge from my self to my longings and now, slowly, I sense myself coming full circle-back to the place from which I started-entirely different for the journey.

I have begun my last class for my Master's degree and am working on my final integration paper that will weave my study and practice of Transpersonal Psychology into some cohesive strand. A lot is happening in my life and I feel the excitement of nearing the end of my study. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, but I am tired! And I've been a little moody these days. In the last few months I have felt my energy and stamina decline and decided to have some testing done to measure my adrenal function and hormone levels. I was not surprised to find that my cortisol levels are low and certain neurotransmitters are in need of a boost. My doctor has started me on a regimen of natural supplements to support my adrenals as well as a bio-identical progesterone cream to aid hormonal shifts that occur at my age. I am writing about this because I am amazed at the changes that have already occurred. I know many women are finding themselves in similar health situations. Within two days of starting the progesterone cream I felt a sense of mental clarity, increased physical energy and less irritability. It was so profound that I began to research it and found that my experience was identical to many women, including Oprah, who spoke of her own personal epiphany when she started on the hormone therapy.  

I realize that, in addition to the supplements, I am being called to find a new rhythm for living my life. As difficult as it is for me, I have consciously chosen to slow down and give up the frantic need to do it all; today. Less striving, more allowing. At last, shift from seeking to finding. Rest. The invitation of my minor health challenges is to tap into the deep reserves of life energy that exist below the surface of to-do's and "shoulds." I am learning to develop a new relationship with time that is in accord with my personal ebb and flow rather than my unrealistic expectations for myself. This is definitely a challenge given all of the responsibilities that I manage on any given day. But the fundamental shift that I am being called toward involves letting my longing lead the way rather than the dictates of my ego. I am finding that when I can surrender to that deeper current, I am at peace. 

Creatively, I am enjoying a period of bountiful inspiration and joy. I have been devouring books on painting and have loved diving into the world of color and form; exploring and experimenting with this brand new medium. I am even taking an on-line painting class! I am building my home studio, gathering various supplies and organizing little spaces for painting and collage. I look forward to my free moments of the day to venture upstairs into my little sanctuary to play. Spending even just a few minutes a day in this type of sacred space fills my being and provides a way to connect with myself in entirely new ways. Each exploration is different from the one before and as I look back over the process throughout a months time, I am able to recognize certain themes that emerge. My art making has become a kind of typography that illuminates not only where I am but also where I am going. It is like a waking dream not to be analyzed but gently held so that its layered meaning can be revealed. As I look back over the last month I see that almost all of my creative work has some kind of bird, feather, song or musical reference in it. Perhaps a signal to attune to a different tempo? My explorations speak to me of a time of movement, rhythm, transition, flight and lyrical communication. Poems are surfacing and simple phrases seem to rise to meet me when I am creating in this way.

I enjoyed sharing the creative process with someone else recently too. She arrived tired and overwhelmed by all that was demanded of her in her life. After a simple meditation I invited her to create a collage based on any images and words that intuitively called to her. After an hour working on her piece, we discussed what she created and we were both amazed at how clearly and emphatically her collage spoke to her need for reframing expectation in her life from drudgery to alive excitement. It is such an honor to share this process and witness the surprises and synchronicities that arise when we make the time and space for them. It is as though our longings are always looking for ways to meet us; we just need to listen and learn to communicate with them. 

In honor of this month's theme, take some time to consider identifying your own natural rhythms and relationship to time. Do you always feel rushed and like there is never enough time? Or are you often sluggish and battling inertia? What part of a cycle are you currently in? Are you just beginning some project or needing the energy and focus to see something through to the end? Just be aware of where you are in your life and determine what type of rhythm would best support your daily routine. One of my favorite creative explorations is collage. It's a non-threatening way to dip into your artistic ability. Think about this theme of rhythm and time in your life and how you would like to feel in relationship to it. Gather up a few magazines or images from personal photos or the web. Choose images and/or words that speak to you--try not to think too much about it. Once you have gathered your images and words, arrange them on a large piece of paper or in a journal. Place them in any way that feels good and glue them down. Then stand back and allow yourself a few moments to see it from a distance. Then look closely, notice detail. Move back and forth like this a few times. And then open yourself to let the images and words speak to you. What does your collage say? How do you feel when you look at it? Write a few words in your journal. Finally, create a simple affirmation based on what your collage elicits in you. Begin with the words "I am." For example, "I am  alive with awake expectation" or "I am relaxed and at ease with life's natural flow." Say the words aloud and feel them in your body. Place your collage somewhere visible as a reminder of your intention.

Henri Matisse said, "An artist must possess Nature. He must identify himself with her rhythm, by efforts that will prepare the mastery which will later enable him to express himself in his own language." I believe that if we can follow our cues from the natural world, we can begin to discover our  instinctive cadence and find entirely new ways to keep time.

What's Your Type?

Here's how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, the loss of pets that left me reeling, dizzying betrayals but much greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto William Blake's line that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love. 

~Anne Lamott

There was a particularly challenging time in my life when I was a sophomore in college and I was experiencing navigational difficulty in discerning the direction of my life. I sought out the university therapist for help in deciding where I belonged. She was a southern belle with an eccentric flair and her name was Lila Faye. Her little office on campus had interesting and colorful artwork and the first thing I noticed was an animal medicine card deck on her bookshelf. I had the same one--given to me by my mom a couple of years prior. I spoke of my indecisiveness in declaring a major; not having felt intensely drawn to any particular subject. At that point I was planning on a degree in Theater Arts, but my desire for acting waned after my single success in a high school play several years before. Not so deep down I knew acting wasn't for me. Lila Faye was a great listener, she had a special way of being fully present to what felt like a life and death decision with equal parts sincere empathy and lighthearted perspective. She suggested that I take the Meyers-Briggs personality test to determine my type. When I brought the results to her she smiled and remarked: "INFJ, that's wonderful, it's the most rare type." At the time, being uncommon seemed to add to the anxiety of my situation and the description offered little in the way of specific decision making. She also invited me choose an animal card from her deck and although I cannot remember the animal, I do remember that its wisdom made more sense than the test! I ended up leaving the little liberal arts school in North Carolina and took a year off to seek clarity of path and purpose.

The Meyers-Briggs test is based on the work of Carl Jung and his extrapolation of four principle ways by which we experience the world and make decisions: sensation, intuition, feeling, perceiving. In addition to being either primarily introverted or extroverted, one of these four functions usually dominates. There are 16 different possible combinations of types. I took the personality test again recently and my type has not changed, but my understanding and appreciation of what the information can offer has definitely grown. For instance, as an INFJ (Introvert, intuitive, feeling, judging) type, I know that I take things in primarily through the mode of intuition and tend to choose something based on how it makes me feel. I appreciate order and a systematic way of learning. I prefer to work independently as ideas gestate and incubate; yet appreciate creative collaboration with like minded individuals to further develop an idea. I will safeguard my inner world and strive to create harmony wherever I am. Being aware of these nuances has helped me clarify the lifestyle that best suits me. 

At this point in my life, almost twenty years since I first took the test, I found myself sighing an exhale of relief. Knowing that my life's choices have been in alignment with who I am offers a deep sense of peace. The struggle that I felt in college was in believing that I needed to be someone else, that is, somehow fundamentally different. It's as though my ideas of what I thought I should be were going against the grain of who I really am. Hence, the uncomfortable rub. I think that if we are going to strive to live an authentic, soulful life we have to learn to love and accept our unique personalities. We have to find peace in simply "loving what the soft animal of the body loves" as Mary Oliver says. We can't overlook this basic aspect of who we are. Each type has its quirks and shadow qualities as well as its strengths to be cherished. 

Much of how I have come to learn about who I am comes from understanding and accepting what I am NOT. To be an actress I would have to be comfortable with continuously putting myself "out there" on stage to perform. In retrospect, I see that this would not have suited my personality; instead I would have preferred to be behind the scenes as a set decorator or even a director. Perhaps, more accurately, a writer. But definitely not a performer. My outer choice to become an actress was not in alignment with my personality that appreciates a more reflective form of creativity. And I think one of the biggest clues to my future path was in the very woman that suggested I take the test in the first place. Lila Faye, the warm sage guide with an office full of objects that spoke to my soul who, incidentally, was also an INFJ. 

After my hiatus, I returned to college and chose to study philosophy. It was the only academic environment where I found a central conversation around knowing yourself. Plato, through his character Socrates, uses the famous Greek maxim "Know Thyself" to drive many of the dialogues. Those works definitely paved a way toward my own unfolding. 

I lost touch with Lila Faye but count her among the handful of mentors that have appeared as angelic messengers during times of crisis to help remind me of who I am. Today I pulled the animal deck off the shelf and turned over the hummingbird card. It reads: "Your presence brings joy to others. You join people together in relationships which bring out the best in them. You know instinctively where beauty abides and, near or far, you journey to your ideal. You move comfortably within a beautiful life environment and help others taste the succulent nectar of life." The message lands like a blessing as I consider how far I have come to know and accept myself. It's as though the clues have been here all along, patiently waiting for me to notice. 

If you don't already know your type, here is a link to the test: 

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
I really like the site below for its more detailed explanations of the types which include their accompanying archetype. For example, INFJ is considered "The Counselor" and ESTJ, "The Supervisor," etc.
http://www.truity.com/view/types

Another test that is helpful comes from the positive psychology web-site and is called "Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire." I learned that my number one character strength is the "appreciation of beauty and excellence."
It says: "You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience." It has been empowering for me to accept this as one of my personal character strengths! This test will elucidate your top five character strengths and offer a short description of each:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

Although it may not be a monumental discovery, you may recognize some particular facet of your personality that you have previously overlooked or a new perspective on a life issue may emerge. After you take it, consider if there are particular areas of incongruence in your life with respect to your type and reflect on how you may be able to begin to create a change. Perhaps you are in a relationship, personal or professional, with the opposite type and learning about the other type can help with communication issues or repetitive conflicts that often arise as a result of different types striving to unite. Usually these types of relationships provide great potential in growing beyond our comfort zones and cultivate the conditions for us to develop in ways that are less familiar. Ultimately, respecting who we are and living from that knowledge will serve your individual soul purpose and the world by adding to its diversity and beauty through the gift of being you!