Courageous Living

As you go the way way of life you will see a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

 ~Native American Proverb

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. ~Benjamin Disraeli

It's hard to believe that summer vacation is already over and a new school year has begun!  As my kids are returning to school, so am I, for my second year of graduate study. I spent the entire last year in deep introspection and self-reflection focused primarily on personal growth and healing. I feel like the gears are shifting and I am being slowly called back into the world; to use my creativity as a bridge from inner to outer realms. In many ways, like most introverts, I am much more comfortable with a more contemplative life of solitude, but I also have a desire to share what has been given to me. Inspired by my feeling that it is, in many ways, time for me to leap, this month I have chosen to focus on the quality of Courage. The great poet and writer Maya Angelou speaks of courage as the most important virtue from which all others are derived. With this as our platform, we can venture into the dark and luminous corners of ourselves and the often complex and confusing world around us with a sense of curiosity and strength. The linguistic origins of the word come from French--Coeur--or heart. This points us in the direction of where we can centralize ourselves more specifically in the body/mind landscape in order to practice living more authentically. Courage becomes an exploration of what it means for us to live wholeheartedly and often from a much more tender, vulnerable place than we are comfortable with. 

More and more I have come to recognize courage in my own life as a letting go; surrendering my ego's machinations, plans, defenses and goals in order to make space for my deeper longings to come to the surface. The choice to live with courage is one in which I can practice trusting my heart more than my head. From that place of faith, I willingly take the step forward when I am not certain if the ground will hold me. I recently had an experience of this very act when I was in California on retreat for school. All summer I had been vacillating between two areas of specialization for my second year of graduate studies. The choices were between Life Coaching and Creativity and Innovation. The first choice seemed like the most sensible choice and would offer a clear cut way for me to move forward professionally. I have done some coaching work for my personal life and experienced the great benefit of setting intentions and getting the support to move in that direction. The second choice appealed to me in a more visceral way. My entire being was drawn to the creative process and I spent the entire summer reading about creativity and healing. Many of the books I read came from the booklist for the creativity specialization! And over the summer I challenged myself to make something everyday--one thing only--some days I experimented with paint, others with collage or poetry. I arranged food differently and began to dance more than my typical yoga practice. I felt myself coming alive in a way that was deeply healing. I gave myself permission to explore and feel the freedom of just putting myself into the process without a concern for any specific product. But still, I made the "practical" choice to go forward with coaching and left for California with that in mind. During my time in retreat I quickly began to notice that I was feeling misplaced in the coaching group and the doubt became undeniable. I sought the help of a mentor and with her guidance, I was able to see and accept the truth of where I belonged. I changed my mind and followed my heart. Once I was situated in the soul-satisfying place amongst the other creatives, I felt a sense of relief--a deep peace. Why didn't I just choose earlier what I felt was best? Because I was scared! I wasn't able to see a clear end goal. The voices of shame and doubt surfaced: "you're not an artist..." "you'll wind up depressed and broke...," etc. But I have learned that if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough. Ultimately my desire to trust my inherent capacity for creativity, a quality that  runs deep inside of me, allowed be to make the courageous choice.  

Poet David Whyte speaks of Courage this way:

Courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, with another, with a community, a work, a future. To be courageous, is not necessarily to go anywhere or do anything except to make conscious those things we already feel deeply and then to live through the unending vulnerabilities of those consequences. To be courageous is to seat our feelings deeply in the body and in the world: to live up to and into the necessities of relationships that often already exist, with things we find we already care deeply about: with a person, a future, a possibility in society, or with an unknown that begs us on and always has begged us on. Whether we stay or whether we go--to be courageous is to stay close to the way we are made. 

To be courageous is to stay close to the way we are made. I have repeated this line to myself several times and have begun to use it as a barometer for choice making in my everyday life: will "x" bring me closer or further from my heart; my truth? I am feeling a significant re-calibration of my self as I move forward into the mystery with a sense of curiosity and wonder as well as some trepidation and fear. I am grateful to have the support of allies making this journey alongside me and some expert guides to help light the way. 

Here's a little taste from my own writing practice on what courage means to me--this, in itself, feels a bit raw and vulnerable for me to share-- but here goes:

Courage is stopping. Courage is slowing down long enough to ask yourself if the life you're living is really the one you want. It is the willingness to try a million different things that aren't "it" in order to find what is. Courage is seeing what is without the filters of judgement or blame or denial or drama. Courage is deep listening, quiet focus, fierce gratitude. Courage involves a lot of not knowing; of trusting the mystery more than your history. It is white and black and red and orange. Courage keeps a feather and a stone in each pocket. Courage knows when to start and not lift her head until the damn project is done.... Courage is saying yes to making something--anything--in order to participate in the exchange....Courage is giving up the idea that the future will somehow be better than today. Courage is moving ahead with nothing in mind; singing a song whose refrain says: "no guarantees, no guarantees." Courage is dismantling what has taken years to construct, sometimes one brick at a time and carrying each to the trash heap. It's discovering how much pain swells beneath our skin. It's recognizing how much joy is possible when we reach empty handed toward love again. Courage is following the thread of my soul, heart pounding, o-shit realization that what I've been prepared for feels impossible. Courage is feeling the impossibility and still choosing to give it a whirl. Courage is even thinking that the impossible may be possible. Courage is living in that space--it's the leap...

Over the course of the next month you are invited to spend some time reflecting on what courage means for you at this point in your life. I suggest a journal exercise like the one I shared that begins with "Courage is...." Just begin to write freely, keeping the pen moving. When you get stuck, write it again: "Courage is..." and keep going. You can set a timer for 10-30 minutes to help you stay with it. And begin to recognize what in your life scares you, where you feel most vulnerable, and what holds a tinge of excitement for you. What chasm in your life are you being summoned toward? Is there something that you need to first let go of in order to move forward? What kind of support do you require? I recommend sharing this process with someone you trust as a way of stepping beyond your comfort zone and creating an opportunity to connect more authentically to yourself and another. Although the image of courage that I am presenting here looks like wide leaps, what resonates for you may be more like several small steps made over an extended period of time or crawling your way out of a difficult situation. 

Wishing you, wherever you are on your journey, the courage and compassion to know the extraordinary joy of how it is you have been made...

Something's Moving

Nothing happens until something moves. ~Albert Einstein

I have been carrying those words of Einstein with me over the last month or so, thinking about their significance in my life. Conscious movement is a regular practice in my daily life and even if I don't feel like it, I step onto my yoga mat for even 10-15 minutes, lace up my running shoes and head out the door, or open my journal and begin to move my pen across the page. These vital practices never fail to reconnect me to what's essential. By staying close to my body and breath I gain greater access to my heart. While in motion I am better able to let my analytic mind assume a more submissive role which makes way for deeper wisdom to surface. I can honestly say that I never come away from one of my practices without some kind of insight or understanding that was previously unavailable. It is as if, through the movement, a way opens before me and I am able to step ahead. Interestingly, movement meditations (walking, eating, driving, yoga, writing, etc.) specifically activate our creative potential and through them we place ourselves directly into the creative process and the conditions are cultivated for the emergence of new things to come into being. How often have you been involved in some kind of repetitive activity and had a flash of understanding? It happens all the time for me. 

I think it is important to distinguish conscious movement from the more common distracted movement that many of us experience each day. Disembodiment and dissociation have become regular states of operation for so many people that are rushing from one thing to another with little awareness of the process. One simple way to shift this is to simply pause regularly and ask: Where am I? Notice the surroundings; take in the sounds, sights and feeling tones. And then ask yourself Where am I going? This question always begs a deeper answer than whatever task lies ahead. It helps to put into perspective a broader vision for our lives. It points us in the direction of our most significant priorities and helps us in taking the very next step with more awareness.  

Any practice that helps us connect with our physical body can serve as a starting place to develop our consciousness. I have begun to ask myself in the morning--how do I want to move through this day? Some days I need the quick, small steps that pave the way to efficiency and mobilize my intentions to get things done. Other days I need to saunter. To slow down and feel each step stretch across the various thresholds through which I pass. Most days, a balance is called for. I believe that so much of illness results from stagnation or lack of optimal energy flow in the system. In my experience with clinical depression, this overwhelming feeling of being stuck--unable to move--was the pervasive symptom. Until I had the necessary support, I couldn't seem to find the energy to move out of this stuck place. But as I see it now, my healing came from my ability to move through the inertia, the pain, the sadness and create something entirely different. In working with a yoga client recently, this understanding became clear for her. She has struggled with numerous health issues for most of her life, exploring a multitude of ways to address the symptoms so that she can live more comfortably. She has an established prayer practice and is very connected to her faith. We began working together to develop a suitable yoga practice and in one particular session an insight came to her about a specific way to proceed in her healing journey. She made the connection that she had been praying, asking for guidance and help, but it was through her action that understanding was given. It was as if Spirit were telling her--"move and I will open the doors!" This was also a vital lesson for me, serving as a reminder that we don't always have to know the full scope of where we are going before we choose to move. Most of the time I feel like I can only see a few steps ahead, but that is always enough to move forward. And this, I believe, is what it means to live creatively--the ability to put ourselves into motion and trust that we will be met with grace or, at the very least, something to which we can creatively respond that will pave the way for innovative discovery. 

Very often when I am involved in my movement practice, the line between moving and being moved becomes more permeable and I feel myself distinctly part of something much bigger. Awe inspired, I feel both minuscule and vast at the same time. This is one of my most favorite feelings. 

At the end of his life Einstein was asked what he knew for sure. His reply: 

Something's moving. 

Indeed. Can you feel it?

Surfacing

About a month ago I completed my first year of graduate school in Transpersonal Psychology and it has taken me several weeks to feel like even beginning to discuss the experience.

The best analogy I can use at this time comes from my love of Scuba diving. I have always had a natural propensity for wanting to travel deep! And in Scuba, when you have been in the depths of the ocean for some time there is the possibility of experiencing nitrogen narcosis, also known as "rapture of the deep." It is defined as a "a reversible alteration in consciousness" that can cause you to feel very relaxed (or possibly stressed) due to dissolved nitrogen in the blood under elevated pressure. The best way to proceed is by slowing ascending to the surface and making a stop along the way in order to allow the body to readjust. 

This is precisely where I feel like I have been in the last few weeks, taking my time to digest and integrate all that I have learned in the last 10 months of study. The program is designed in such a way that the first year is dedicated to the personal journey of self transformation and all of the coursework is aimed toward this end. The balance between studying various theoretical models of consciousness and participating actively in practical application exercises created the conditions for some amazing growth. The best word that I can use to describe my own process is integration. I have spent years studying various spiritual traditions and the healing arts have provided a path for me that feels close to my soul calling. Despite those things, I have always felt a certain chasm between my inner world and outer life. This experience of fragmentation is precisely what led me to this program and my original intention was to learn how to create a bridge between my soul longings and the physical world. The greatest healing came in the form of making a descent into my own depths; and in the investigation and confrontation of the dark shadows and creatively working with my dreams in order to begin to converse with my unconscious. As I allowed myself to move more freely between conscious and unconscious; thus creating greater awareness of the totality of myself, I began to notice the bridge being constructed. This is the nature of the dialogue that I have been having with myself for months now and the work I have done has, without a doubt, helped me fulfill my goal of integration. 

As I move forward into my second year, I will be specializing in transformational life coaching with the hope of accompanying others on their unique journey to discovering and actualizing their own soul longings. I have become quite clear that the healing process is a creative process. Similar to the hero journey (which I discussed in a previous post), the stages of the creative process: preparation, incubation, illumination, evaluation and implementation provide a valuable template for personal growth and spiritual development. Rather than focusing on pathology or disease as the starting point, I agree with the humanistic and transpersonal approaches that look, first, at how much health or wholeness is available within a person and begin the process from there. Creativity, communication, and consciousness hold important keys in the transformative process and will, ultimately, provide the greatest source of healing. I plan on exploring, in much greater depth (there it is again!), this vital role that creativity plays in our personal healing. Much of my offering will be an extension of my own effort to continue to integrate the various aspects of myself and to further define and refine my work in the world. I delight in being immersed in my own creative process and trust that it will continue to lead me to my bliss! 

Becoming a Hero

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. 

~Joseph Campbell

Most people, to quote Thoreau, “lead lives of quiet desperation” that are only partially fulfilling or meaningful. We rush around the perimeter of our lives, busy with trying to “make” a living rather than simply accepting the state of being fully alive. Easily getting caught up in the outer reality, we rarely slow down long enough to question or inquire into the quality of our inner life. Who am I? What do I long for? Where am I going? What brings me alive? Most of the time we live cut off from this type of inner contemplation and can feel quite stuck in the habits and ways of living that are familiar and safe. And many of us are aware of these inner promptings but lack a clear understanding of how to bridge the gap between inner and outer realities. 

Joseph Campbell was a great teacher of mythology and comparative religion. His most famous line: “follow your bliss” has become a well known phrase used to inspire and uplift, but really only reveals a portion of the message and can easily induce a fantasy of what it is to be a true human. The full quote gives a better sense of what one is signing up for in following the call to a heroic life:

Follow your bliss.

The heroic life is living the individual 

adventure.

There is no security

in following the call to adventure.

Nothing is exciting if you know

what the outcome is going to be.

To refuse the call

means stagnation.

What you don’t experience positively

you will experience negatively.

You enter the forest at the darkest point,

where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,

it is someone else’s path.

You are not on your own path.

If you follow someone else’s way,

you are not going to realize your potential.

In his work, Campbell outlined eight major stages that one must pass through to become the hero of your own life. The hero journey is a universal story that we see throughout mythology, literature and across all religious traditions. Very briefly, the eight stages are:  following the call to adventure, crossing thresholds, entering the forest, encountering ordeals, discovering allies, being in the belly of the beast, discovering the boon, and returning home. It is a cyclical journey where one is called away from the familiar, often through a significant challenge or difficulty that disrupts the status quo, into the wild terrain of the unconscious psyche. The hero encounters extreme difficulty (lifelong saboteurs, past traumas, etc.) and must face and slay the dragon (that which we most fear) in order to recover a lost treasure (our individual “bliss”). Returning to the very place from which we started--home--we must complete the journey by offering the jewel to the world. Each of our unique lives is the myth that we must live out to realize our full potential and actualize our gifts to serve the world. 

Over the course of four months, I have been fortunate enough to experience this journey through the expert guidance of Michael Mervosh (http://www.herosjourneyfoundation.org) in an online class called “Walking in Two Worlds.”

Michael is a soulful, engaged, down-to-earth guide that weaves Campbell’s work with poetry, music and meditation to offer a way across the thresholds of consciousness. Being a part of a community of adventurers in the bi-monthly webcasts as well as the ability to connect with a smaller “ally” group via regular telephone conference calls, has made the experience incredibly transformative. Ultimately, we all must make the journey for ourselves, but to have the support and encouragement of others is an essential component.  

Campbell said, “If you want to help this world, what you will have to teach is how to live in it.” As I continue in my own journey I am reflecting deeply on that advice. I know that I am called to serve as a bridge between worlds. I am passionate about creating a clear and conscious connection to our bodies as the vehicle for the journey and forging a deeper relationship within our minds and hearts to contain and bring forth our essential qualities. It is through the alignment and integration of the three: body-mind-heart that the conditions are created to find and follow our bliss. 

I have decided to offer an introduction to each stage in my monthly discussion group, Soul Matters. Beginning in February, we will meet the third Thursday of the month at One Yoga and Fitness, and discuss the elements of the eight stages of the journey starting with "the call to adventure." 

For more information on Michael’s online program and other opportunities go to:http://www.walkingintwoworlds.org

Conscious Transitions



"One of the most important differences between a change and a transition is that changes are driven to reach a goal, but transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate to the life stage you are in." --William Bridges

In our life's journey we are continuously dancing with change. However, in the midst of change, we don't always attend to the internal aspect that is in need of attention. Change may happen around us, but are we really making the deeper shifts within ourselves that will provide the movement into the next level of our personal evolution? Significant passages in our lives are often experienced with some sort of challenge or difficulty. The state of our health or relationships dissolve, a career may abruptly end or slowly drain of meaning; and even our deeply held spiritual beliefs may be questioned. Through the difficulty, we are given an opportunity to to grow and expand beyond anything we have known. Perhaps the "end" is ushering forth a new beginning.

The end of the calendar year is a great time to pause and honor any transitions that are happening in our lives now. What is it time to let go of? In acknowledging our transitions we can step forward into the new year consciously and clearly. Join me for this month's Soul Matters discussion on this theme. We will gather on Wednesday, December 19, 7:30-8:30 pm at One Yoga and Fitness: www.oneyogafitness.com. This is free and open to all! Please bring a journal and pen.

Spiritual Bypass

 

         Many of us embark on a spiritual path as a way of seeking meaning in our lives for the pain and suffering we feel both personally and in the larger world. Without a spiritual context, we can easily fall into an existential despair that deepens the suffering and immobilizes our mind and body. Each of us longs to be free from this kind of discomfort and spiritual pursuit offers a way through the confusion. However, the very source of our comfort may also be disguised as a trap door to deeper levels of abandonment-namely, to ourselves, the world and our obligations to serve humanity in a way that fosters liberation.

“Spiritual Bypass” is the term given to this use of spirituality that offers an escape from the tension inherent in our everyday lives. Rather than letting our lives be guided and informed by our spiritual practice, we use spirituality as a way of buffering ourselves from the difficulties in living. Instead of using the teachings from sacred traditions like a light that must be brought into the depths of our darkness, we deny our shadows and pretend that the light is all that exists. Used in these ways, spirituality is no different from other modes of anesthetizing our pain—drugs, food, sex, shopping, intellectualizing, spiritualizing…. What they all have in common is an ego that would rather do anything than face what hurts.

I am intimately familiar with this desire to replace living fully in this world with the seduction of existing in some other realm that feels less dense, dark and difficult. I am guilty of using spirituality in this way and I am working on addressing the underlying issues that have led to my own bypass. I recognize that this is a big issue for many seekers that are genuinely longing for a connection that transcends the corporeal. However, if we do not find very concrete ways of applying our discoveries, we risk creating a greater divide that will only cause more pain. This is why, I now believe, combining psychological therapy and spiritual practice is of the most benefit. Sometimes praying more, meditating longer, or going on yet another retreat is not enough. We have to face the issues that keep us bound and limited.

In an article I read recently on psychoanalysis and Buddhism, called Becoming Somebody and Nobody, (1993) the author—John Engler writes:

 

The therapeutic issue in psychotherapy and psychoanalysis is how to “regrow” a basic sense of self or how to differentiate and integrate a stable, consistent, and enduring self-representation. The therapeutic issue in Buddhism is how to “see through” the illusion or construct of the self. Are the two therapeutic goals mutually exclusive, as they appear to be? Or from a wider perspective might they actually be compatible? Indeed, might one be a precondition of the other…? Put very simply, you have to be somebody before you can be nobody. (119, italics mine)     

 
I think this is such an important point that is often missing in spiritual circles where people claim to have evolved beyond the issues of the ego. In reality, many have actually done little but bypass it entirely. We see this all the time in spiritual leaders that fall from grace after some incident often including one of the “lower” levels of consciousness (money, sex, and power) is uncovered. Perhaps, as Engler states, before we attempt to transcend our ego, we must first develop a healthy sense of self. Developmentally, just as a baby must first learn to crawl before it can walk, we must allow ourselves the proper time to develop spiritually as well. That means we need to attend to our suffering with the help of spirituality, but not as a way of covering it up. The function of psychotherapy is to help create a sense of inner cohesiveness by way of understanding our pathologies. In this view, where therapy ends--spirituality begins. However, it is not a linear process,—an evolution of consciousness involves a circling back many times to deeply held psychological issues with, perhaps, deeper insight. In fact, for some, it can be dangerous to embark on a spiritual path if a healthy sense of self has yet to be defined. It could lead to a spiritual crisis or emergency (another subject that I will expand on in the future) causing greater fragmentation and distress.

Is your mode of spirituality one that continually returns you back into this world or are you looking to escape? What are the ways in which you are able to apply your practice to your life? Are there any specific psychological issues present that need to be addressed? These are a few questions we can begin to ask ourselves regularly to keep us on track as we move forward on our path.

Here is Hafiz, the Sufi poet, pointing the way:

 

WISE MEN KEEP TALKING ABOUT

Time is the shop

Where everyone works hard

 

To build enough love

To break the

Shackle.

 

Wise men keep talking about

Wanting to meet Her.

 

Women sometimes pronounce the word God

A little differently:

They can use more feeling and skill

With the heart-lute.

 

All the world’s movement’s

Apparent chaos, and suffering I now know happen

In the Splendid Unison:

 

Our tambourines are striking

The same thigh.

 

Hafiz stands

At a juncture in this poem.

There are a thousand new wheels I could craft

On a wagon

And place you in—

Lead you to a glimpse of the culture

And seasons in another dimension.

 

Yet again God

Will have to drop you back at the shop

 

Where you will still have work

With

 

Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Engler, J. H. (1993). Becoming Somebody and Nobody: Psychoanalysis and Buddhism. In R. Walsh, Paths Beyond Ego The Transpersonal Vision (pp. 118-121). Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher.

 

Soul Matters

Soul Matters with Jenny Clarke

Every third Thursday of the month from 7:30-8:30pm

One Yoga and Fitness/1214 Bowman St. Clermont

“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others, both, are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.”  --Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Each of us comes into this world with a soul as unique as our fingerprints. Truly we are on a spiritual journey together. This will be a casual discussion forum open to anyone interested in topics related to life, the soul and spirituality. We will be discussing SOUL matters. Why? Because soul MATTERS! Each month a different theme or idea will be presented as a way of opening the circle and time given for all to listen and share your own perspective or understanding. It is free and open to all who are hungry for a meaningful connection… Feel free to bring a journal and pen.