The Missing Ingredient

There is something about circles

The Beloved likes.

Hafiz,

Within the Circle of a Perfect One

There is an Infinite Community

Of Light.

~Hafiz

I am in the wake of the completion of my first workshop dedicated to exploring the creative process for healing and self-discovery. The feedback was so positive and generous. I was deeply honored to have shared such sacred space with fourteen courageous women. I must admit that I was scared. This workshop represented many, many years of working, studying, releasing, healing, envisioning and creating. It was definitely a threshold crossing experience and now that I am on the other side, I am amazed at what is opening. One major confirmation that came from my experience personally and in witnessing the others is that our souls know the way. We just have to be willing to listen and follow. If you weren't able to make it this time, there will be another opportunity in January!

There is something else that I learned. And this, I have come to identify as a "make it or break it" factor for women in the process of stepping into our essential calling and living from that truth more fully. When I talk to women about what they believe is keeping them from stepping forward into their future dreams, many name the two precious resources that always seem to be in scarce supply: time and/or money. I have come to recognize that neither are absolutely required or always realistic. When I reflect on my journey up to this point, I am aware of the vital elements that have helped shape my present reality. There is no doubt that training, education, travel, work experience, family, and spirituality have played a tremendous role in building my foundation for creating a life that is meaningful and aligned with my soul. However, what had been truly lacking was a wider team of feminine support whose conscious presence and steadfast love I could rely upon. The support, specifically, of other women who know me well and sincerely champion my success. I have come to recognize this element as one of the greatest healing gifts that we, as women, can give to ourselves and each other. I believe that the missing ingredient for most women is genuine backing from other women. The support that I received in the weeks up to my workshop from my sister tribe was what kept me inspired and afloat at times. 

I am aware that I have had to do my own healing work around receiving love and support from other women. When I consider betrayal, I think that for women, it is often more painful when it involves another woman. There is something about one of your own kind turning against you. Like many women, I have been involved in friendships with other women that were violating and destructive in their own ways. Everyday I see how comparison, jealously and control often find their way between us and other women, creating a separation that leads to disconnection and isolation. Learning to trust other women and be a trustworthy ally for them--to create a circle of support--is often what will make THE difference in us choosing to step into the unknown with courage or to shrink back in fear. 

One piece of spiritual wisdom that I find very powerful in healing the jealousy and comparison that many women feel in the company of other women comes from the Sufi tradition. I was taught that often when we feel jealousy or envy, the deeper intention of the heart becomes such that we desire what the other person has been blessed with and, in addition, that it gets taken from them. There is an Arabic prayer that can be said at those times: Allahumma Zid Wa Barak. Basically the translation is "Oh God, bless what that person has and give them more of it."  In praying for someone else in this way, you actually release the negativity within you while feeding your own heart and honoring the particular blessing that lives within you. You can make up your own prayer or blessing that has the same effect. 

This month take some time to consider the types of relationships that you have with other women. Who is in your circle? Do you tend toward comparison and jealousy? Do you find it difficult to give and receive support to/from other women? Are your relationships honoring the particular gifts or visions of each or  are they providing more of a shared security blanket keeping you from stepping into a bigger existence? Is this kind of powerful, nurturing, feminine support a missing ingredient in your life? 

How do we begin to receive the backing we need? In yoga practice, the back body represents the unconscious or unseen and unknown. All of the sense organs, through which we receive most of our input from the world, exist on the front of the body and represent the conscious, or what we know and see ahead. Simply taking some time to consciously connect with the back of the body while standing, sitting or walking can be a powerful practice in learning to receive support. Here is a little exercise I created for connecting with the support we desire:

Begin by simply closing your eyes and becoming aware of your breath. Then begin to bring awareness to the back of your body. Get a sense of leaning back into the space behind you a bit more. Think of a woman whose love and support you could use at this time. It can be anyone. Imagine her standing behind you and continue to breathe into the support of her being. What do you notice? Are there any specific feelings, sensations or images that come? Are there any particular qualities that you are being called to embody? Take some time to move, draw or journal what you find. Practice asking for this kind of support from the women you know. Next, ask to know if there is there a woman in your life now that you could provide backing for. Who is she? Would you be willing to offer your support? Start to form or transform your own circle of support. 

If you are up for a fun creative exploration, you can create a mandala that represents any elements, colors, wisdom or images that represent your circle of support. "Mandala" in Sanskrit means circle and relates to the concept of wholeness that is recognized throughout nature and the universe--such as the sun, moon, cycles of the seasons and the organizational structure of life itself. Trace the outline of a medium sized plate on a large piece of paper and cut out. Find any images or quotes that speak to the circle of support that you are seeking to create or transform. Keep it simple and let yourself be guided to the images that speak to you in the moment. Here is an example of a mandala that I created:

In this way, we can begin to heal the divide between ourselves and other women, building collaborative relationships that support the mutual thriving of our greatest potential and the emergence of our unique beauty. Wishing you a wonderful start to the holiday season!