I have recently created a website and will be sharing my monthly musings there. In addition, all of my services and upcoming workshops are detailed there. Please join me in my new cyber location and leave a comment to let me know what you think! Thank you for your faithful following here over the last few years. Here's to new beginnings!
Self -care is just this: lovingly meeting ourselves exactly where we are and allowing things to be as they are. When we can hold ourselves in this way, our inner world starts to become softer, gentler. We start to trust our own basic goodness, and we even come to learn that irritation, aversion, doubt, and resistance aren't to be evicted through our self-care; they are to be allowed and included by it. ~Sara Avant Stover
This morning, as I type, the smell of banana bread is filling the kitchen. It's Monday morning--the kids are back to school and the house is quiet. Rather than tackling my to-do list or diving into emails, I baked. Instead of pushing myself through some foot pain to do my usual 3-4 mile run, I rolled out my yoga mat and spent a half an hour attuning to my body and breath through flowing movement. Then I stood for a few minutes barefoot on the grass and felt myself ground into the earth and I offered a simple prayer for today: "May I be forgiven for all of the ways that I have knowingly or unknowingly hurt myself or another. May I remember Your Love and Grace in all that I do today. May I show up wholeheartedly and do my best. Thank you." I let the spirit of gratitude fill me. I felt ready for the day. My daily practices, even though they may shift according to my current needs, are a "non-negotiable" in my life because they anchor me into feeling grounded in my body and connected to something bigger than myself.
The photo that I chose for this month's post came from my summer sabbatical on Lake Ontario. It reminds me of the importance of tending well to my own inner fire so that I can give to my family, work and relationships from my very best self. My annual vacation prompted me to recommit to my own radical self-care. Even the things that we love and rely on the most for our well-being--our loved ones, exercise habits, creative projects, and spiritual practices--can become depleting rather than nourishing if what we are really needing is simply rest! The women whom I admire the most are creative, productive and respectful of their needs for healthy downtime. I am re-examinng my relationship to rest on a daily basis and finding ways to incorporate it into my busy life rather than counting the days until next summer.
As women, often in a caregiving or supportive role for others, we give from our desire to help, nurture, champion, and affirm those people and projects that we love. We do this naturally, as we are neurobiologically wired with this maternal instinct. Research has shown how our brain patterns change in response to our babies distress signals. Thanks to this instinct we know how to respond to our babies and maybe even our businesses, but we have forgotten how to use it for our own flourishing. The good news is that it is within us, we just need to access the feminine wisdom we carry.
It is through truly knowing and being in touch with all aspects of ourselves that we can experience real nourishment. In my life coaching practice I have seen women from various backgrounds struggle with the very same issues regarding self-care. Our families and culture have taught us to ignore our needs for rest and renewal by rewarding high level productivity at any cost. These same messages are responsible for making us feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. It is our responsibility now, as women in touch with our femininity, to challenge these expectations and fiercely protect our precious life energy so that we can live from our sensitively attuned inner knowing. It's not enough to just take a day or week or even a month off if what we need is deeper than our physicality. We need to nourish on all levels. Holistic nourishment looks something like this:
Restoring a connection to my body and her natural cycles and rhythms so that I can discern times of productivity and letting go.
Renewing my mindbycultivating awareness of thoughts and beliefs that undermine and erode my self-worth or empower and fill me up.
Developing a discipline (literally becoming "a disciple") of listening to my feelings and trusting their wisdom as energetic signposts along my personal journey to help guide me toward that which is in alignment with my truest values and deeper visions.
With a solid foundation of good self-care, my creative essence can naturally flow into my life and my inspiration is given a supportive framework so that my cherished dreams can be nurtured into reality.
Strengthening my connection to Source or the Divine through reading sacred text, prayer, meditation, going to church or being in nature.
This may sound like a lot, but ultimately the things that offer us the deepest fulfillment are rarely grandiose or costly. They are the simple things that satisfy our real hunger: taking a walk, gardening, reading a book, watching a movie, connecting with a friend, turning off the electronics and being present with your children, taking a nap, or trying a new recipe. To make intentional space within our hectic lives to include these little luxuries can feel like a revolutionary act. Start a list of all the things that nourish you and begin to include a few of them into your week.
We certainly need more role models of women who are doing self-care well. If you would like support in making self-care a priority in your life or would just like a designated time each week to be, please join me for a brand new Women's Wisdom Circle beginning October 4th at One Yoga and Fitness. This four week series will provide authentic connection to other women in community by holding "circle space" for each other. Each week you will be guided through specific practices that will become essential tools that you can easily integrate into your everyday life . For more details on this event or to register go to: Nourish.
Traveling down--deep, deep down--I imagine my roots growing from the bones of my pelvis into the center of the Earth.
I become still and quiet; finally able to truly rest. After some time I can hear an ancient song that is calling me home to my feminine roots.
She is so much more than what we see and have come to know as "woman" in the world. She is pure creative essence, wild radiance and the doorway to your deepest inner knowing.
She is calling you, too. Can you hear?
This means that you'll have to step away from all of the unnecessary distractions; you will have to put down that heavy load you are carrying and courageously walk away from those projects and people that are draining your vital energy. You must learn to use your strength in a new way.
Let go of the false promises of ambition and dutiful striving--stop all of the running in circles that have you wound into a tight, anxious ball. Let yourself be undone. You are safe here.
Stop all of that and sit in your root. Follow the breath into the bowl of your pelvis and let the tension release out and down. Don't try to make anything happen. Instead, follow the lead of your breath-intelligence to guide you. You already know the truth.
Simply bring your full presence to this space. Welcome yourself back to your sacred center. Can you recall that this is where your life began? Remain steadfast in the remembrance that your pure Presence is the gift that continues to give life to all that longs to be birthed through you. You already have everything you need.
There is nothing to rush toward or to hurry away from. . . return again to the still, strong current of listening. . . just like that favorite tree, flowing river, or cherished mountainside that you love so dearly. You are made of the very same elements.
Soon you will feel a tide of joy rising up to meet you here. This joy is not attached to any particular thing or accomplishment. It is meant wholly for you who has endured such a long journey back to yourself. Drink and drink and drink some more. You are so thirsty. This is the living water that never runs dry. You are home.
There is so much more for you but this is enough for now. Take your time getting to know this landscape. Savor the jewels that you are finding as you discover your feminine roots. There is nothing to explain here--everything is meant to be directly experienced. You are learning the art of the ancient feminine. She is calling you.
How might your life be different if, when you felt time pressing in on you, there were a place to go where you were allowed to simply be? If, as you sat down silently, there were a sense of the presence of other women breathing in the stillness...waiting quietly with you?
And if you watched the dappled shadows on the ground around you as the wind suddenly stilled...and you entered a new sense of time, of time stretching out before you?
And you knew that there would finally be time enough for you....
How might your life be different?
~Judith Duerk
This month I am enjoying my annual summer break in Northern New York with my family on Lake Ontario. It is a much needed respite from the heat of Florida and our normal everyday routines. I have to admit, daily life with two elementary aged children is anything but restful and relaxing. By the end of the school year I feel like a worn out marathoner pushing through the last 5 miles. Our days are dictated by the demands of tight time schedules, homework, school functions and extracurricular activities. I am practically ground to a pulp by our daily grind by the time June finally sets us free.
My first week here I slept more than I was awake and I allowed my internal rhythms to set the pace for activity and rest throughout the day. I began to feel restored by the fresh air, lake swims and slowing down. By the second week I felt myself settled enough to unpack. I don't just mean my suitcases. Everyday I focus on letting something go. Weeks before arriving here, I could feel myself saturated and in need of some inner housecleaning. I sensed the accumulation of thoughts and feelings that were ready for release but I had neither the necessary time nor conducive space to let go. I knew that when I finally got to this place, I would be able to safely unload. Each morning I enjoy the simple ritual of sitting by the edge of the lake to listen for what is surfacing that can be released. I throw a rock into the water to symbolize the letting go.
My intention now is simple: find rest.
It's not glossy, glamorous or sexy. It's not what we admire people for--their incredible ability to do nothing and let everything happen. Quite frankly, I think we are afraid of stopping for too long. We are afraid of missing out, falling behind, being forgotten, feeling insignificant or completely taken over by inertia. We most often equate our personal value with what we accomplish and produce rather than remembering our inherent worthiness as a human being.
How can I do less and be more? How can I trust the experience of true rest inside whatever I'm doing?
Before I know it a new school year will begin and we'll be thrust back into our rigorous routine, but for now I'm savoring free time and the deep nourishment of stillness.
How about you? Do you have a special place where you can go to find rest and stillness? Where can you safely and easily release and recalibrate? This month carve out some space, beyond the pressures of time, to let your weary body and heart rest.
some people when they hear your story. contract. others upon hearing your story expand. and this is how you know. ~Nayyirah Waheed
One of the best things about my neighborhood are the people who live on my street. From my neighbors I've learned about traditional Buddhist protection rituals, celebrated Columbian-Christmas style, and participated in a Hindu wedding ceremony--all made possible just by stepping out of my front door. Hair dresser to home-schooler, pest control to police work, and engineers to enigmas like me (what do you actually do?) we have become an unlikely suburbanite clan knit tightly by our children who have grown up together. Our cultural and religious backgrounds may be very different but we have learned how to co-exist and enjoy a strong sense of community. It has taken me more than ten years living in my town to finally begin to feel as though I am finding my people. My focus in the last several years has been on mothering and completing my Master's Degree. I've been a bit of a recluse and, as a result, haven't really felt connected to my local community. To be honest, this is mostly because I didn't believe my kind of people were actually here. Having returned to Florida after living in California for five years, I missed the unique combination of culture, nature, creativity and heterogeneity that the West coast breeds. When I return to California for my annual retreats I savor that sweet and soulful familiarity. I'm in close proximity to my tribe--the dreamers, mystics, poets, artists, explorers, healers, creators and Soul diggers.
There is a very particular feeling of kinship and "home-coming" that arise when we find another member of our tribe. We exhale. We soften. We smile with a certain knowingness--wordlessly rejoicing that in this wide sea of humans we've miraculously found each other. When you find your tribe the connection is instantaneous and effortless. There isn't the customary social obstacle course to overcome. No lengthy explanations or protective defenses. Ultimately there is nothing to prove; nothing to hide. With your tribe it's easy and the two most comforting words are usually "me too."
I realize that when I am in California I feel the relief of being able to finally let go of trying to find where I fit. I settle into the essential truth that this is where I belong. This sense of belonging is the gift that comes with finding your tribe. Having special people, places or practices to which we belong establishes a feeling of being anchored to greater meaning and purpose. "Fitting in" is like being a chameleon--changing and adapting ourselves to match the environment in order to gain access and acceptance. While this temporarily fulfills our need for connection and meaning, over time it can begin to feel tiring, constraining and limiting. As long as our values and beliefs conform to that of our chosen groups, we can enjoy admission. Some groups are exclusive and static, leaving little or no room for change and growth. The experience of true belonging is like a garden with a variety of plants and flowers appreciated for their uniqueness. The natural cycles of growth and decay are honored and each species is celebrated for its beauty and individual function without imposition or expectation. A garden-variety tribe allows plenty of room for personal evolution. Here are a few of the benefits of having a tribe to call your own: You get an existential makeover Martin Buber, the Austrian philosopher, in his famous work on existentialism (I/Thou ) offers an important shift in relating to the world around us as an "I" in relationship to "Thou" rather than "I" and "It." This adjustment fosters a living relationship to our surroundings rather than a distinct, impersonal separation. Each belongs not only to itself, but to those by which it is surrounded. The idea "I belong" is directly related to a larger "We." Sometimes that "We" is a geographical location, a community of like-hearted people, a particular organization or spiritual path. It's enlightenment inducing Being part of a group can be enlightening in a couple of ways. When we step into relationship with others we are offered an invitation to heal or to become whole. In any group we will find those with whom we feel a resonance and compatibility--these are the ones that illuminate our best selves. Conversely, we will encounter those that trigger our shadow aspects and mirror the unconscious issues that still need to be metabolized. In either case we are granted the opportunity to discover certain gifts and limitations that are impossible to realize on our own. It's good for your health The power of having others who will witness and contain our dreams and disappointments is vital for navigating the ups and downs of life. When we are able to share our greatest hopes and dreams with others, the energy of the dream itself increases exponentially with the sharing. Similarly, the pain of our losses and disappointments decreases when we disclose to others who are willing to hear and hold space for our stories. Research shows that belonging to a group can reduce stress and decrease anxiety and depression while boosting life satisfaction and resilience. We become resourceful Crowdsourcing is a modern day term defined as the process of obtaining needed services, material or ideas by a large group of people. Each person's resources combine with others to achieve a greater result. We all have particular talents and resources that can be shared and traded among the tribe. In my neighborhood we have become naturally collaborative in this way--from childcare to pet-sitting; bodywork to house cleaning--we have found ways to help each other with the details and difficulties of living using what we have available.
Instead of trying to fit into my town, I am discovering where I belong. Relinquishing my belief that my people weren't here has opened me to recognizing the beauty and diversity all around me. Since stepping out and starting to talk about the things that matter most to me in a public way, I have begun to see that I was wrong about this town. The curious, creative, and adventurous are here. Like me, perhaps, within the contours of daily life--navigating the ordeals of motherhood, marriage and careers-- they too are secretly dancing, dreaming and imagining entirely new possibilities for their lives each and every day. So how about you? Who are your people? Who challenges and inspires you to become more of who you really are? Where do you feel most at home? Do you have a tribe?
My own desire to be part of a community of wise-hearted women who can experience true belonging and authentic connection have helped me find my tribe. It has also provided an opportunity for me to share my gifts for healing and personal transformation. Ultimately, my longing for belonging is delivering me into the heart of my passion and purpose. I'm beginning to bloom where I've been planted and even though I still need my yearly California fix, I know that Clermont is my home and my people are here too. Do you identify with the tiring tango of trying to fit-in and are seeking the relief of finally finding where you belong? Or do you have a tribe to which you belong but feel as though you could use support in growing and developing your personal and collective visions? In my Women's Wisdom Circles I create an environment with intentional conversation and creative explorations that allow for our unique soul gifts to be discovered and developed. If you are interested in hosting a circle in your home or business or for more information on my group workshops please contact me at jzaga1@aol.com.
The work of the eyes is done. Go now and do the heart-work on the images imprisoned within you. ~Rainer Maria Rilke
Even if you are not a yoga practitioner or don't necessarily identify yourself as a spiritual seeker, chances are you have heard of "mindfulness" and the many benefits of the practice. It has become increasingly popular as an antidote to the stress and exhaustion that are the common symptoms of everyday living. I think much of the appeal is in its simplicity and practicality. We can weave these practices into the fabric of our lives--we can pause, relocate our attention to the breath and connect to the moment in front of us again and again. Let me say, I love mindfulness practices and find them extremely beneficial especially for those just starting out on their journey to cultivating greater self-awareness. However, in and of themselves, they are not enough. I believe that mindfulness must be coupled with heartfulness if we are to become whole and healed.
Mindfulness guru Jon Kabat-Zinn defines it this way: "Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally." I see it as vital training for the mind and thoughts that are constantly being swept up by memories of the past or anticipation of what is to come. We are continuously distracted and pulled in so many different directions at once. Mindfulness practices support us in tailoring our attention to the present.
Heartfulness, on the other hand, isn't about mastering any particular technique. It is about developing a relationship with what we find when we start to pay attention. It is the partner to paying attention. I would describe heartfulness as the unique and particular way each of us is able to relate to ourselves and the world around us. Poet David Whyte refers to it as the "conversation" that we hold with our own lives. If attention is the currency of mindfulness, wholeness is the payoff of heartfulness.
Writer Julia Cameron speaks of heartfulness this way: "If smart were the solution, very few of us would be screwed up. Smart isn't the solution. The heart is the solution." Where the mind sorts, divides and categorizes, the heart is able to contain all things. The mind often perceives life as duality: either/or; black/white. The heart is the home of inclusivity--both/and. The heart is able to make space for the many paradoxes of life. The mind seeks to understand while the heart just knows. Mindfulness tends to be contemplative in nature, while heartfulness is more devotional. From what I have witnessed, people drawn to mindfulness practices tend to be characterized by their strongly developed mental capabilities and are independent thinkers. Those drawn to paths of the heart tend to be more connected to their feelings and senses and are usually empathic. As you read this, where do you see yourself? Are you drawn more toward one or the other? Are you able to recognize how developing the other side, mindful or heartful, could benefit you?
I call the work that I do "heart-work." It is aimed toward developing a relationship with yourself and your life in ways that open you to discovering more about who you truly are. Learning to express yourself authentically and creatively is at the "heart" of my practice. My eight week class, "The Courage to Create: Awakening to an Authentic Vision for your Life" offers a direct experience of this heart-work. Each week provides a different theme and vital psychological shift that supports personal transformation. There is no particular formula for this process. Instead, I find that providing a safe and supportive framework for the conversation to naturally unfold is essential. That framework is held on four specific pillars that I consider the cornerstones of my work.
The four pillars are:
Wholeness:
We are fundamentally whole; complete human beings. We have been created with everything we need to develop into our highest and best selves. Just like an acorn contains all the genetic material to become an oak tree, we also contain what we need need to become whole human beings.
Authenticity:
Each individual has been uniquely created with particular gifts and soul qualities. Each of us embodies a distinct presence that cannot be duplicated. It is not just what we do, but who we are that is important. Ultimately, in a healthy individual there is a congruence between our inner and outer lives. Who we are aligns with what we do and vice versa.
Creativity:
You are creative. The question is not “Am I creative or not? but rather “What am I creating in my life?” Our thoughts are creative. Our feelings are creative. Our actions are creative. The multitude and infinite number of ways that we can choose to respond to our lives in any given moment is a sign of our innate creativity.
Spirituality:
This life journey that we are all a part of is a spiritual journey. There is plenty of room for your own interpretation here. The deepest core need that we all share is for God, love, Spirit, the Divine…however you understand it. To cultivate a deeply personal relationship with something greater than ourselves will ultimately teach us the most about who we are and that for which we were created.
What is the heart-work that your life is calling you into conversation with? Take some time this month to consider this inquiry and allow it to renew or repair your relationship to yourself.
"I asked, Why have I only received this? A voice replied. Only This will lead you to that."
~Rumi
Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers "Grow, grow." ~The Talmud
Spring is in the air (and with it, A LOT of pollen in Florida)! I love this season when our bare trees begin to sprout their new green leaves and a palpable sense of renewal can be felt all around. Every year at this time we clear out our little backyard garden and let the kids choose seeds to plant. This year we are attempting to grow broccoli, cabbage and peppers and the first little shoots have just surfaced this week. It is thrilling for us to watch the growth as it happens almost right before our eyes. The same feels true for my children who seem to be sprouting with equal speed. My "baby" just turned 7 years old I marvel at how fast she has grown!
This season invites us to consider what is greening and growing in our lives. Spring is a time of regeneration and rebirth. In the Native American tradition the cycles of life are represented in the four directions of the Medicine Wheel. Each direction relates to a different aspect of self: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Spring is the season associated with the direction of the East and connotes new beginnings, birth, infancy, sunrise and morning. Air is the element of the East/Spring and signifies the development of our thoughts and ideas; specifically a new vision for our lives. A particular focus on our physical health is recommended. This is a good time to begin or recommit to exercise and eating nutritious foods.
Spring is also wonderful time to engage with your creativity and to make things with your hands. Plant something, play an instrument, cook a delicious meal, arrange flowers, paint, draw or learn something new. Take delight in making anything--it is such an amazing gift to access your creative spirit!
The truth is that not all things grow as quickly as gardens and children. True personal growth--the development of our essential self and the cultivation of a creative vision for our lives takes a long time. Conscious growth is hard because of the strength of our conditioning and fixed belief structures. No matter how hard we try to change, so often it feels like nothing is happening. After years of working, learning, waiting, letting go, beginning again and working and waiting some more we find only the smallest evidence of growth--like a little tender shoot breaking ground. "That's it?" you may wonder??? That's all I get after all of the hard work and waiting? I see this often with my clients whose progress feels too slow for their taste. Their effort over the course of several weeks or months may have produced the equivalent of a tiny stalk when they were hoping for a tree with ripe fruit! But of course the tree first has to be a stalk. It's the only way it will become a flowering tree. The same is true for us. Real growth takes time and requires patience and consistent encouragement. It's far too easy to overlook or dismiss the small shifts and changes as they occur in our lives.
Hildegard von Bigen, the German mystic referred to Springtime as veriditas, the true greening of ourselves and nature. This month consider what has been incubating and gestating over the last months that is now growing and greening in your life? What is needed to support that growth? In her book, Living in Gratitude, Angeles Arrien offers these questions to deepen your exploration:
Who or what has inspired you?
Who or what is challenging you?
Who or what is surprising you?
Who or what is touching or moving you?
Finally, spend time in nature and silence this month and notice what is taking root inside of you. Start to make a simple practice of appreciating and celebrating the smallest changes with respect for what they might be making way for in your life. Happy Spring!
